Road Trip of madness
by Ranger24
Summary: The Faction Leaders of the Horde and the Allaince are invited to Blizzcon but when an accident kills the Driver they're stuck trying to find their way across North America. Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**Ranger24: Hey folks. This my First fic in this section so enjoy.**

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Chapter 1: He did it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"So we're finally going to Blizzcon," King Varian Wrynn said making sure all his luggage was together in the violet citadel of Dalaran.

"Well it's about bloody time Blizzard cut us some slack," King Magni Bronzebeard said leaning against his single bag.

"I have too wonder though, where's that gnome guy?" High preistess Tyrande Whisperwind asked siting crosslegged on the floor.

"Oh he fouled up another experiment and is recovering from the radiation poisioning," Magni said with a shrug.

"When I was your age we didn't have radiation poisioning, we had the plauge." High Prophet Velen said sitting in one of the conviently placed chairs.

"And where's Jaina, she said she'd be coming with us?" Tyrande added ignoring Velen's comments.

"Oh she usual runs late, no idea why though." Varian said with a shrugg.

At that moment the said archmagi appeared in the room in a flash panting heavily hefting her bags.

"I'm sorry I'm so late, things came up." She said apologetically.

"No need to apologieze, but please hurry up and open the portal I'm getting a cramp." Tyrande said.

"I have six and I've had a heart attack already," Velen said cheerily.

"You had a heart attack recently?" Varian said raising an eyebrow.

"I got better," Velen said with a shrug.

They all stood there for a moment in silence.

"Probably should have brought the gnome," Magni muttered.

"Okay let me get started on this portal." Jaina said rubbing her fingers together and raising a hand. In a crackling burst of energy the purple green portal opened before them.

"Okay everyone we're good to go." Jaina said lowering her hand.

"Are you sure its safe?" Tyrande asked.

"Sure, there might be some slight disoreintation though." Jaina replied.

"As in...?" Magni asked.

"Hell if I know just go," Jaina said shrugging.

Varian sighed grabbing his bags. "Well next stop, where ever the hell we end up!"

Varian ran into a portal and instantly thought he taken some of Broll Bearmantle's "speacil" brownies. The world swirled around him with varying shade's of blue and white light. Out of nowhere a really annoying theme song started playing as he flew through the portal.

When he reached the end he fell flat on his face on hard black asphalt.

"Ow..." He groaned lifting himself up only to have Magni come crashing down on his back.

"OOOFF! Sorry lad!" Magni said apologetically.

"No harm done," Varian muttered as the dwarf got off him only for Velen to come out of the portal and trip over him and crash to the ground.

"You okay?" Varian asked.

"It's okay! I only broke my knee caps!" Velen said happily.

"What on earth are you all doing?" Tyrande asked as she and Jaina came through the portal.

"Taking a nap, what do you think?" Varian demanded.

He stood up and found them to be in a large open concrete building. At the far end was a guy dressed in a white office shirt and black pants standing beside an RV.

"I think that's our ride." Varian said picking up his bags.

"Couldn't they have brought a limo?" Magni muttered as Tyrande and Jaina threw him their bags. Velen pushed himself off the ground and followed them cheerily.

The man's face light up as he watched them approach. "Hi there! My name is Chuck Howardson I'll be your driver on the way to Blizzcon!"

"Good so when do we get going?" Varian asked.

"Oh as soon as the other party arrives," Chuck said happily.

"What other party?" Varian said raising an eyebrow.

At that moment another portal opened and out of it stepped a hulking figure in black armor with green skin. He stepped aside a person in primitive armor with large tusks and blue skin stepped out followed by a large whizzened bull like person with a large axe. Then there was a woman in black with pale blue skin and blazing red eyes. Last of all however came a man dressed in red with pointy ears a pale hair done up in a pony tail.

"HA! I told you the portal would work fine! Pay up Vol'jin!" The pointy eared man said.

"Damned elf," Vol'jin muttered handing over some money.

"Don't gloat Lor'themar," the woman said tersely.

"I'm not gloating Sylvanas I'm simply collecting my winnings from a bet." Lor'themar replied pocketing his winnings.

"Let's just hurry up, my old bones ache," the bull man said.

"In a minute Cairne," the green skinned person said turning about to face those by the RV. He froze staring at Varian who was glaring at him.

"Nobody... mentioned... the... Horde." Varian growled.

"Umm.... hi," the warchief of the Horde, Thrall said apologetically.

"Nobody told us you'd all becoming either, human." Sylvanas snapped.

"Yeah, Blizzard could only get one RV so you're all going in one RV. Great huh!?" Chuck said happily.

"FOR BOLVAR!!!" Varian shouted charging towards Thrall swords drawn.

"Oh come on, can't we just talk this ove..." Before Thrall could finish his sentence he was force to draw the Doomhammer and block against Varian's attack.

"Seriously! Do we need to resort..." Thrall said before having to duck Varian's next attack. "To violence every time we meet?"

"DIE YOU!" Varian shreiked hammering away with his swords.

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Tyrande asked watching the fight.

"Nah missy, normally we just let this sort a ting blow ova'," Vol'jin said with a shrug.

"Varian stop it!" Jaina snapped raising her staff.

"Okay please stop!" Thrall said blocking with his hammer. But then Varian clipped off a bit of his beard. Vol'jin, Carine, Sylvanas, and Lor'themar's eyes widened in alarm.

"Oh, shit." Lor'themar whispered.

"Duck and cover!" Cairne shouted as the other horde leader's got behind him as he hit the deck.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Magni demanded.

"Oh not good," Jaina whispered.

"What is it?" Tyrande asked.

Vol'jin pocked out his head as Thrall stumbled back running a hand over his missing bit of beard.

"Rule numbah one mon, no touchin' Thrall mon's do." He said quievering.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Thrall screamed furiously.

"Please calm down! There's no need to have violence!" Chuck said terrified.

"FACE MY LIGHTNING!!" Thrall roared throwing a massive chain lightning which Varian ducked. Chuck unfortunatly was not as fortunate.

"OH GOD!!" Chuck screamed as he was bar-b-q'ed. He collapsed to the ground dead flash fried in his nerdy outfit. Thrall and Varian glanced at one another then at Chuck. Thrall quickly hid his still sparking finger's behind his back.

"He did it!" He said jerking his thumb at Varian.

"Oh you bastard," Varian muttered.

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**Ranger24: Trust me folks the insanity has only begun! WWAAAAHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Read and review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ranger24: Okay hoping for more reviews this chapter but it is a small section.**

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Chapter 2: Parking lot

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Everyone stared at Chuck's smoldering corpse.

"Shouldn't we try resurrecting him?" Tyrande suggested.

"I can't rez," Jaina said.

"I'm no healer!" Magni replied.

"I can only tank," Varian deadpanned.

"I skipped out on most of my healing class's," Thrall admitted.

"I'd a need a whole lotta stuff to rez," Vol'jin said.

"I'm a ranger not a doctor!" Lor'themar snapped.

"Did you really need to make a Startrek Reference?" Cairne asked.

"Yes, I did." Lor'themar replied.

Everyone glanced at Sylvannas.

"Unless you want him Undead and smelling worse than I do don't even think about it," she growled.

"You don't smell that bad," Lor'Themar noted.

"I'm wearing three bottles worth of perfume."

Everyone inched away from Sylvanas at this.

"I'll fix him!" Velen said happily.

He raised his hands light energy flashing among his fingers. There was a flash of light and...!

"VELEN!!" Varian shreiked.

"Pudding time!" Velen said picking up the cup of pudding Chuck had turned into and he dug in happily.

Everyone stared at the elder Draenei in shock.

"So now what do we do?" Thrall asked.

"Well someone's gotta drive this thing," Varian said jerking his thumb at the RV.

"Okay can anyone drive?" Thrall asked.

"More importantly can anyone drive stick?" Magni said glancing inside the RV.

"I can," Lor'Themar answered. "As long as I don't have to parralel park."

"Where did ya learn ta drive?" Vol'jin demanded.

"I borrowed Kael'thas car a few times," Lor'themar replied with a shrug.

Flashback!

Lor'themar glanced outside the sunfury spire at the red Ferira parked out front before running over to it and jumping in.

Suddenly Kael'thas came running out!

"Hey! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CAR!!" The elven Prince shouted as Lor'themar gunned the engines and drove off.

End Flashback.

"Okay but first," Varian said stepping forward. "We need to lay some ground rules."

Two minutes later on the bus...

"Okay, so the left side of the bus is our side?" Thrall said.

"Yeah," Varian replied nodding.

"The right is your side, the bathroom in the back is neutral, and the front is also neutral?" Thrall continued.

"Yes," Varian replied nodding again.

"What about da roof?" Vol'jin asked.

"Why would you ever need to go on the roof?" Varian demanded.

"Just a sayin' mon," Vol'jin replied with a shrug.

"Can we get going already?" Lor'themar asked from the drivers seat.

"Sure fine, start the damn engine." Sylvanas growled seating herself in the back.

"I hope this thing doesn't run on gas, it murders the enviroment." Tyrande muttered.

"Ah that global warming stuff's a myth," Magni said sitting down.

"No it isn't," Cairne said. "Polar ice caps melting, increased hurricanes, rising global temperatures."

"Shit straight from the mouth of the liberal media," Magni countered.

"You're a republican aren't you?" Tyrande deadpannded.

"Conservative," Magni corrected with a nod.

"Would you all shut up and sit down already!" Lor'themar snarled.

Everyone, except Sylvanas and Velen, stared at him for a minute.

"Elf boy has balls?" Vol'jin said in shock.

"Didn't anyone read the manga?" Lor'themar growled.

Everyone, except Sylvanas and Velen, glanced at the floor sheepishly.

"I thought that stuff was non-cannon," Varian admitted.

"Same here," Thrall added.

"Characters introduced in it were key players in the fury of Sunwell patch you twits!" Lor'themar snapped.

"Okay just calm down and drive the RV," Jaina said raising her hands.

Still muttering angrily, Lor'themar started the engine and drove down the exit ramp. They came out onto city streets. Lor'themar pulled them out onto the free way and the drove on.

"Hey?" Jaina asked.

"Yeah?" Lor'themar growled.

"Anybody know where we are or where we're going?"

There was a long silence.

"Aww... shit," Vol'jin muttered.

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**Ranger24: Ah I can't help but give Lor'themar a nudge or two. He really does need to take a level in badass though. Read and review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ranger24: Had this idea from the start and now I get to use it.**

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Chapter 3: McMadness

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

After driving for a few hours aimlessly everyone was starting to get a little on edge.

"Be we there yet?" Vol'jin asked.

"No," Lor'themar dead panned.

"Are we there yet?" Magni asked.

"No," Lor'themar growled.

"Are we there yet?" Cairne asked.

"NO! AND THE NEXT PERSON WHO ASKS ME THAT QUESTION IS GOING TO HAVE THEIR ARM TORN OFF! THEIR TEETH RIPED OUT! AND THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE A CHAINSAW FROM THE ARM AND TEETH AND SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS!!!!" Lor'themar roared.

"What's his problem?" Jaina whispered to Sylvanas.

"He compensates for not getting a lot of respect and being hardly involved other than as an acheivement boss." Sylvanas replied.

"Can we get some food back here?" Magni asked.

"Tell you what if we find a rest stop we'll pull in and see what they have now shut up." Lor'themar growled.

"You sure he isn't compensating for something else?" Varian growled.

"Oh no I know that for sure," Sylvanas said before her eyes widened in alarm at what she'd said and clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Wait you and him?" Jaina said in suprise.

"It was a one time thing," Sylvanas muttered. "And if you tell anyone about it I'll shove an arrow in your jugular."

"Your secrets safe with me." Jaina reassured.

Then Jaina moved to the back pulled out her Lap top and punched in on her face book wall, 'Sylvanas had a one night stand with Lor'themar, spread the word.'

At that moment they came up on a glorious rest stop. Lor'themar pulled into the parking lot and everyone piled out.

"Okay if anyone needs to go the bathroom do so now." Varain said. "Magni, change Velen's diaper. Tyrande go see what you can find at this places convience store."

"Why do I have to deal with with him?" Magni asked.

"Because you lost the game." Varian replied.

"What game?" Magni demanded.

"The game," Varian answered.

"What game!?"

At the same time Thrall and the Horde leaders were having a similar conversation.

"Okay Sylvanas and I check out what they have to eat. Lor'themar, go top off the tank. Vol'jin and Carine have free time. Make sure you pick up some booze though or this going to be a long drive." Thrall said.

"Shouldn't somebody get a map?" Sylvanas noted.

"Sylvanas we don't even know where Blizzcon is, what good is a road map going to do us?" Cairne asked.

"So we don't end up in some hell hole place." Sylvanas replied. "I heard there some place around here called Jearsey thats supposed to be a shit hole."

"Sailent point," Vol'jin agreed.

Five minutes later inside the food court.

"You have got to be kidding me." Varian dead panned staring at the only open resturant in the food court.

"Of all the dark and satanic forces the world could bring us why did it have to be this one?" Sylvanas asked.

"Well it can't be too bad," Jaina said hopefully.

"When a clowns your mascot, evil can only come." Thrall countered.

Staring back at them was a McDonalds.

"Okay stay calm, we'll just order off the dollar menu and get the fuck out of here before the clown shows up." Varian whispered.

"Nothing on the dollar menu is that filling," Thrall hissed.

"Fine, if you want speacil order you're paying for it." Varian snapped.

They reached the front of the line and Chashier grinned at them.

"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?" He asked.

"First off, wipe that overzealous grin off your face." Sylvanas growled.

"I'm sorry you have to place a legitamite order miss." The Cashier replied. Then he glanced about quickly. "I can't," he hissed.

"We'll take ten double cheesburgers, with an order of fries and drink with each." Varian said.

"Why can't you?" Sylvanas hissed.

"Okay anything else?" He asked. Then in an under tone he whispered. "Any employee who stops smiling gets the gas."

"I'll have two double quarter pounder meals. Large." Thrall replied.

"Who would do something like that to their employees?" Jaina asked.

"Hi there folks!" Someone behind them said cheerily.

Everyone turned about to see...

"Ronald McDonald?" Varian said in suprise.

"I hope your all enjoying your time here!" Ronald said with a huge grin.

"Will you be paying cash or credit?" The cashier asked.

"Here," Jaina said handing him her Visa.

"How you folks doing? Give me a smile!" Ronald said happily.

"Smile please," The cashier hissed. "If you don't I'm a dead man. Or you're dead."

Varian, Jaina, and Thrall all put on quick smiles.

"Well isn't that... Miss why aren't you smiling?" Ronald asked Sylvanas who had not smiled.

"Because I hate clowns," Sylvanas hissed.

"Well Miss I'm afraid..." Suddenly Ronald pulled out a revovler. "YOU HAVE TO DIE!!"

"HERE'S YOUR FOOD RUN!" The Cashier said before ducking down behind the counter in terror as Ronald opened fire on Sylvanas.

Sylvanas ducked however and head butted the clown before drawing a knife!

"Run!" Varian shouted grabbing the food and running out. Thrall and Jaina followed him close behind passing Tyrande who glanced about in cofusion with Vol'jin.

"What in the hell...?" She started but then she saw Sylvanas grappeling with Ronald for control of the revovler.

"Right, time ta leave missy," Vol'jin said running for it.

Carine came out of the liquir store followed by Magni and Velen, the later of whom was in a wheel chair.

"Whats going on?" Cairne huffed.

"Slyvanas! Clown! Fighting epicly! Running now!" Tyrande said as she ran passed.

"Oh well then," Cairne said before joining the retreat.

"This is why we dant get to go anywhere nice." Magni growled before pushing Velen along to the exit.

They stood out on the platform glancing about in a panick.

"Where's the RV?!" Varian demanded.

"Aww crap, Lor'themar's getting gas for it!" Thrall moaned.

Suddenly Sylvanas came crashing out with Ronald on top of her. She kicked him in the stomach with both her feet and he sailed over them and landed in the street.

"Sylvanas!" Thrall said turning to her.

"He's still got the gun," she warned.

"Yes I do!" Ronald said taking aim at them. "Now put a smile on!"

Then suddenly the RV ran Ronald over. Everyone blinked in suprise. Lor'themar rolled down a window.

"Did I hit something?" He asked.

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**Ranger24: Ah hit and run. Read and review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ranger24: Enjoy more madness.**

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Chapter 4: The man god.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I can't believe I ran over a fast food icon," Lor'themar muttered.

"I can't believe I nearly lost to a clown," Sylvanas growled.

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Vol'jin said.

Everyone stared at him for a moment.

"Vol'jin, be queit," Thrall growled.

It had been four days since they'd narrowly escaped the clutches of Ronald McDonald. Now they were driving along the coast of this stange land trying to find their way to Blizzcon. To say the least tempers were running high. They'd run out of booze the day before and they hadn't risked stopping for more than gas since their last encounter.

Now it was getting late and they were in the middle of freaking no where.

"We gotta find a hotel or something." Jaina growled. "Somewhere with wi-fi."

"Out here?" Varian huffed. "We'd be lucky to get phone service."

"None of us have phones though," Sylvanas dead panned.

"Well we should," Jaina muttered.

"In this economic climate?" Magni demanded.

At that moment the RV shuddered and Lor'themar struggled with the wheel.

"Aw come on girl don't be like this!" He said patting the dash board.

Then the RV came to a groaning halt. Lor'themar swore and got out of the drivers seat.

"What's wrong?" Cairne asked.

"I'm going to go check!" Lor'themar snapped.

He opened the door's pulled out a flash light. Varian and Thrall stepped with him followed by Jaina. Lor'themar pulled open the side hatch to the engine stuck his head inside.

"Whats the damage?" Thrall asked.

"Radiators dead dry. We need some collant or the engine won't last." Lor'themar reported.

"How do you know the inside of the engine of a car?" Varian asked.

"Kael'thas's car," Lor'themar answered simply. "And I took engineering in High school but I majored in shooting stuff and stabbing people."

Varian raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

"Great so now what?" He asked.

"Well either find a repair shop or wait in hope of help."

"I vote find a repair shop." Thrall said.

"Same here," Varian added.

"Well you two get to it then. Come back in hour though." Lor'themar said.

"See this is why we need Cell phones." Jaina muttered climbing back aboard.

"Wait do we have to go look together?" Varain demanded.

"Well we should use the buddy system and I doubt anyone else wants to get off the bus." Lor'themar said getting back to work tinkering with the RV.

Varian glared at Thrall.

"Look I know you don't like me or my race but can we set that aside for now to get the bus moving again?" Thrall asked.

"You're staying in front," Varian growled.

"Fine by me," Thrall said with a shrug.

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"So... hows the kid?" Thrall asked five minutes later as they made their way up the road.

"Fine," Varian growled. "He's still a little glum about Bolvar's death."

"Look Varian, I'm sorry about what happened." Thrall replied.

"You're little girl friends minions opened fire on my troops." Varian snapped.

"My troops were attacked as well, those Forsaken were serving the Burning Legion, and what makes you think Sylvanas and I would ever date?" Thrall shot back.

"Yes and while you were busy with the whole finding your people crap the Forsaken were cooking up plauges to wipe mine out!" Varian snapped.

Thrall rounded on him angrily.

"Until the expedition to Outland I didn't even know I had any living relatives left! I didn't even know my birth name! I had been told by Sylvanas her researchers were devolping a plauge to kill the Scourge!"

"Oh yes! Trust a banshee who's already betrayed plenty of people!" Varian shot back rolling his eyes with sarcasm.

"You mean like your little buddy Arthas?" Thrall hissed.

Varian froze in anger.

"Why you green skinned...! How dare you...!" Varian snarled struggling for words.

"I heard plenty from Blackmoore when I was his slave about the gossip of royalty." Thrall growled.

Then Varian belted him across the face. With a roar Thrall struck back slamming his heavy green fist into Varian's face. Varian swore and tackled Thrall and they fellinto the brush punching and kicking at eachother. Then they came crashing down into a clearing and they lay on the ground panting.

Then they noticed the burning cross and the crowd of guys in white robes and hoods.

"Look boys! A green N*gger!" One man shouted.

"Aww shit," Thrall muttered.

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"Got any threes?" Jaina askedas she sat at the small table with Tyrande and Sylvanas.

"Go fish," Tyrande replied.

Jaina plucked up a card from the table.

"Jaina, got any twos?" Sylvanas asked.

Jaina sighed and handed over the card she had just picked up.

"I wonder whats taking those two so long?" Tyrande pondered. "Sylvanas, have any fours?"

"Go fish," Sylvanas replied.

Tyrande plucked up a card.

"They're probably beating eachother to death or something," Jaina said with a sigh.

"Aren't you going to stop them or something," Sylvanas asked.

"Got any kings?" She asked Sylvanas. "Honestly they need to get it all out."

Suddenly outside there was a small explosion and Lor'themar gave a yell. Outside, Magni, Cairne, Vol'jin, and Lor'themar coughed and spluttered. They waved the smoke out of heir faces and Lor'themar took another look at the engine.

"Nice work Dwarf," he growled.

"I didn't know it would blow up on us," Magni countered.

"Oh yes! Jiggle the gas tank around! Maybe it won't blow up. Velen how hard did you step on the accelerator?!" Lor'themar snapped.

Velen stuck his head out the door.

"You said hit it sonnie," he said pulling out a hammer.

Lor'themar slamed his head against the side of the RV.

At that moment a pair of head lights appeared down the road coming steadily towards them.

"Hey! Look mon!" Vol'jin said before he ran otu waving his arms.

The truck came to a halt infront of them and the side door opened to reveal a man with a thick beard around his face and he looked in rather decent shape.

"You people having trouble?" He asked.

"Yeah mon, our engine be busted." Vol'jin replied.

The man crossed his arms. "Well let me have a look."

"Why's he not suprised by our apperance?" Cairne whispered to Lor'themar.

"How the hell should I know?" Lor'themar hissed as the man bent down by the engine hatch.

"Looks really screwed up," the man observed. "Give me a sec here."

Then he stood up, brought his right leg up to his chest like a coiled spring, and then slammed his foot into the RV.

There were yells of suprise from the three women inside and the RV suddenly roared to life causing Lor'themar, Vol'jin, Cairne, and Magni to stare in shock.

"How the hell did you do that?" Lor'themar asked in amazement.

"I got the touch," the man replied heading back to his truck.

"Who the hell are ya mon?" Vol'jin asked.

The Man climbed into his truck.

"Norris," He replied. "Chuck Norris."

Then he drove off leaving them to stare at his vanishing truck.

"Wow, did we get emasculated." Cairne muttered.

"Hey guys, wht the heck just happened?" Jaina asked stepping out followed by Sylvanas and Tyrande. All of the male members of the group hardly noticed their jaws drop as they saw the practically doubled in size melons of the female members of the group.

"Chuck Norris," Lor'themar muttered trying to hold back a nose bleed.

Velen stuck his head out of the RV.

"I had another heart attack!" He proclaimed happily.

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"Well isn't this perfect," Varian growled as he and Thrall were being fitted with noses hanging from a tree by the guys in white.

"Shut it mexican!" One said holding a shot gun.

"What the hell is a mexican?!" Varian demanded.

He got hit in the gut by the shot gun for that.

"See? This is Racial biggotry at work," Thrall growled.

"Quit spoutin' them fifth grade edujmacted words n*gger!" One of the sheet guy snapped.

"Look I have an Eleven Year old son at home who's lost his god father and his mother! Are you actually going to hang us?" Varian demand.

"Sorry we only speak American hear Spick!" Another sheet guy said.

"Yeah nice try," Thrall muttered.

"Oh go to hell," Varian growled.

A moment later they were in the middle of the circle of robed men with the noses around their necks while they stood on chairs.

"Well it's been fun," Thrall muttered.

"My only regret is not killing you," Varian growled.

At that moment the truck came crashing through the trees and out lept Chuck Norris into the crowd of clan members.

"Walker Texas ranger!?!" One of the Clans men shouted before his head came off from a round house kick. The KKK guys charge Chuck Norris who effortlessly began beating the living shit out of them. One brought a twelve gauge up and fired it only for Chuck Norris to catch it in his teeth and then spit it out right through the man's head. Another tried to use a base ball bat but Chuck merely bent his head up and out of the beard shot another fist which took that mans head off.

Varian and Thrall stared in utter shock as Chuck Norris brutally beat down the KKK and then pulled out a bottle of Whiskey.

"You boys want some?" He asked offering it so them before round house kicking the tree which somehow yelled in fright. The nooses came undone and Thrall and Varian stepped down. The tree also fell over and exploded into a perfect replica of General Lee.

"How in the hell did you?" Thrall began but Chuck Norris raised a hand.

"Sorry Go'el but I have bussiness else where." Chuck said before climbing back into his truck and driving off.

Thrall blinked in amazement.

"How the hell did he know my birth name?" He asked out loud.

"Hell if I know," Varian replied with a shrug before they returned to the road and found the RV coming towards them. They waved it down a climbed aboard. For a few moments however they could only stare in shock at Sylvanas, Jaina, and Tyrande's enlarged busts.

"How the hell did...?" Varian began.

Then Magni tossed him one of the strangely conviently inside the mini fridge bottles of whiskey.

"Chuck Norris," Magni replied simply.

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**Ranger24: ... What?! Chuck Norris is awesome and the KKK are evil. Works perfectly. Fear Chuck Norris. Read and review.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Disney World part 1.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Several days later.

"Okay now where the hell are we?" Jaina demanded as they drove through a city with nasty traffic and a lot of Hotels.

"According to the map," Lor'themar said glancing at the map they'd gotten at the last rest stop they'd hit. "Some place called Orlando. Apperantly they have a lot of amusement parks."

"Well sounds like it could be a good chance to strech our legs." Varian noted.

"What stop for a few hours at some theme park and hope we aren't kicked out for something?" Sylvanas demanded.

"Exactly," Varian replied.

Sylvanas shook her head in annoyance.

"Somethin' in my bones is telling me this is a bad idea." Cairne huffed.

"Fine you can stay here while we all go have fun." Varian said.

"Okay, I'll pull in at the closest one." Lor'themar said turning out of the road onto an exit with a sign for some place called Disney world.

They soon pulled up to a ticket stand which milked them for a significant margin of cash before they arrived at a massive parking lot connected to a ferry dock and a monorail.

"What no Zepplins?" Thrall objected as they stepped out of the RV.

"Look lets just go and enjoy ourselves for a few hours before we keep moving," Varian said as they made their way to the ferry.

"I ma startin' ta agreed with Cairne, dis place don'ta feel right." Vol'jin muttered.

"Ah quit bein' such a baby," Magni said rolling his eyes.

Vol'jin muttered something under his breath but they got no more out of him as the ferry reached the dock. And exited out into what appeared to be a mid twenties to thirty American city street, crowded by people.

Lor'themar frowned. "You know am I the only one who thinks that Cairne and Vol'jin might have been right?" Then he realized everyone else had vanished into the crowds. He groaned.

"Oh just perfect," he muttered heading off to try and find them.

* * *

"WHHEEEEEE!!!" Thrall, Varian and Vol'jin yelled as they rode space mountian.

"You know I thought the line would be longer!" Varian shouted over the screams of their fellow riders.

"Vol'jin used his speacil mix," Thrall replied.

"What's so speacil about it?" Varian asked.

"It turns ya into a frog mon!" Vol'jin cackled.

The ride came to a stop and they strood away from it ignoring the large amount of frogs hopping around.

"Should be wearin off any minute now mon," Vol'jin said stroking his tusks.

Sure enough there was a pop and frogs began turning back into people utterly confused. Vol'jin cackled.

"Can I just say that was really crazy?" Varian asked rhetorically.

"Sure mon," Vol'jin replied with a shrug.

"So whats next?" Thrall asked.

"OH! I want ta go on da log flume!" Vol'jin said bouncing up.

"Sounds good to me," Varian said with a shrug.

"Hey you two!" Someone shouted behind them.

All three of them turned about to find some college intern behind them.

"You two need to head over to the haunted mansion. Your outfits are spookey enough to give the people just off the ride a good spook." He said pointing to Thrall and Vol'jin.

"We're not wearing costumes," Thrall growled.

"Look either get to your workstation or I'll have to call security." The intern replied tapping his foot on the ground.

"Screw off mon," Vol'jin said turning away.

The intern pulled up a walkie talkie.

"Security we got two characters getting uppity. Execute code blue." He said.

At that moment a dozen guys in jet black suits repled off nearby buidlings and rides and surrounded the three of them who blinked in suprise. Each one of the black suited men pulled out a knifestick. Thrall, Vol'jin, and Varian glanced at eachother in confusion.

"They have ninjas?" Varian said in suprise.

"They are showing Naruto on Jetex now," Thrall noted.

"Dats goin ta go well," Vol'jin muttered.

"So we kick their asses?" Thrall asked.

"Sure mon," Vol'jin replied with a shrug.

"Well I could use some more loot," Varian muttered before drawing his sword. Vol'jin drew out his knives and Thrall swung out the Doomhammer.

"Who wants a taste?" Thrall asked mockingly.

Then the security Ninjas made hand signs.

"Kage Bushino No Jutsu!" They all shouted beofre in a flash of smoke their numbers tripled. Thrall, Varian, Vol'jin glanced between eachother.

"Where be Elf boy when ya need him and his Mana burn?" Vol'jin growled.

* * *

_'Its a world of joy,_

_Its a world of tears'_

"You know the first room or so these little puppet people were kinda cute but now they're just annoying." Jaina commented as she, Tyrande, and Sylvanas sat in one of the small world boats.

"I would have to agree with you there," Tyrande muttered trying to ignore the ridiculous lyrics and wait for them to reach the end of the ride.

"How you holding up Sylvanas?" Jaina asked glancing at the back of the boat where Sylvanas sat in the fetal positon.

"Eyes... Watching me... Judging me..." She hissed terrified.

"Sylvanas they're just little robotic people," Jaina deadpanned.

Then they entered France and Sylvanas screamed.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" She shreiked before diving out of the boat nearly capsizing it.

"Holy shit!" Jaina shouted grabbing onto thhe sides to steady the boat.

"So much for having a little fun." Tyrande muttered.

"Maybe we should have taken her on the Haunted Mansion," Jaina suggested.

"She probably would have tried to take over the robots and lead them against Arthas," Tyrande replied.

jaina looked uncomfortable at the mention of Arthas.

"Oh right you dated him..." Tyrande muttered.

"Gee thanks for remembering." Jaina growled.

"Hey I have relationship problems to! Malfurion takes a couple thousand year long naps on a regular basis! Really builds up tension." Tyrande growled.

"So the whole thing with you being really hostile was just pent up sexual frustration?" Jaina asked.

Tyrande was silent for a moment before she sighed. "Yeah I guess you could say that."

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment until they got off the ride. Sylvanas was no where in sight.

"Where'd she get to?" Jaina muttered.

"LET ME GO YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! I HAVE TO BURN THAT MONSTORSITY TO THE GROUND!!" Sylvanas screamed as she was dragged past by a dozen black clad security ninjas. Jaina and Tyrande watched in shock.

"Oh this is going to go well," Tyrande muttered.

* * *

"Thrall?! Sylvanas?! Vol'jin!?" Lor'themar called as he made his way past the castle. "Seriously guys! What happened to the buddy system!?

He sighed and sat down on a bench defeated.

"Just great. I've lost the rest of the idoits. Now what am I going to do," he growled.

Two minutes later Lor'themar was having an Ice cream while waiting in line for Pirates of the Carribbean.

"Ah nothing like singing pirates torching a town while looking for Johnny Deep," he said happily.

Suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned about and saw a man in a black coat and wearing sunglasses standing behind him.

"Who the heck are...?" He started but the man slapped a rag soaked in Chlorophlor to his mouth and he lost conciousness.

* * *

**Ranger24: Ah the begining of the Disney three part arc! Will Varian, Thrall, and Vol'jin defeat the Ninja's? Will Sylvanas escape the custody of Disney? Where the hell are Magni and Velen? And who kidnapped Lor'themar? Until next chapter, read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ranger24: Here we go! Next chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Disney world part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Die you!" Varian shouted as he destroyed another clone. People had scattered while the three faction leaders battled it out with the security Ninjas. Of course seeing as how it was three badasses against a couple dozen ninjas and clones it seemed to have no end.

"I'm going to use chain lightning!" Thrall called as he crushed in a ninja's skull killing it and its clones.

"Roll for initative mon!" Vol'jin replied as he cast a heal spell on the group.

Thrall pulled out a twenty sided dice and dropped it on the ground.

"Twenty!" Thrall shouted before casting his spell and blasting down twenty of the enemy.

"Oh! Critical!" Vol'jin cackled.

"Very impressive." Someone said smoothly.

The ninja's suddenly parted to reveal a man in a long black coat with the hood up.

"Who the hell are you?" Thrall snarled.

"I am one of the Elite enforcers of Disney's will. You may recognize me from such games as kingdom hearts." The man replied.

"BLESS ME ANCESTORS! AN ORGANIZTION THIRTEEN MEMBER!!!" Vol'jin yelled.

"I don't care if he's CIA!" Varian yelled before charging him. The man however caught Varian's sword in his gloved hand.

"Pathetic," the man said before slamming Varian head first into the ground.

"Varian!" Thrall yelled before he roared. Then he charged up lighting into his hammer and hurled it at the Organization thirteen guy. The member however merely raised a hand and the Doomhammer has knocked off coarse by a red light barrier.

"Dat doesn't seem ta work out ta well for ya boss," Vol'jin noted before the Organization Thirteen member shot towards him.

"Holy shit!" Vol'jin shouted before the man's knee cap colided with his face. Vol'jin flew back and crashed into a trash can. Thrall winced and raised his fists, weaponless.

The Organization thirteen member smirked before he shot towards Thrall. Thrall however was ready and intercepted the kick to his face and wrapped a meaty fist and threw the Organization Thriteen member into a support pillar for the magnetic railroad above them. The organizaton Thriteen member however charged Thrall and the two engage in a furious exchange of blows. Unfortunatly Thrall was way out matched in sheer speed by his attacker and with in a minute was on his back panting heavily with the organization thirteen member's foot on his chest.

"You son of a..." Thrall started but then the coated bastard socked him in the face and he knew no more.

* * *

Meanwhile elsewhere at one of the security desks Jaina and Tyrande walked over to the desk man who was reading a magazine.

"Excuse me," Jaina said. "One of our friends was kinda called in dragged off by security ninja's we'd like to take her back to our RV so she can get some rest."

"And your friends name would be?" The desk man asked without looking up.

"Sylvanas Windrunner," Jaina replied.

Then the desk man pressed a button on his desk.

"Security. Code blue." He said into a microphone.

Then a dozen security ninja's appeared around Jaina and Tyrande. The two of them glanced about in confusion.

"Ladies, please follow the nice gentleninjas and you won't be harmed." The Desk man said setting down his magazine.

"I told you we should have brought Cairne," Tyrande muttered.

* * *

Lor'themar groaned and opened his eyes. He was seated in a chair in a dark room with a the only other peice of furnature being a table.

"Oh sunwell, what now?" He muttered.

Then a door to the side opened and in entered the main with sunglasses and a black coat.

"Oh god, are you with MIB?! I swear I didn't see anything!" Lor'themar said panicking.

"Lor'themar Theron, quit panicking. I am a represenative ofthe Allaince of Independent Gaming Corporations." The man in black replied.

"Okay... What's that?" Lor'themar asked.

"We are a group of independent gaming companies trying to remain free of the control of major corporations. I'm here to ask for your help." The man explained. "My code name is Black Eye and your friends have been captured by Disney."

"Why?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Ever since Kingdom Hearts was released Disney has realized just how much money it can make from combining their characters into popular video game series's. They hope that by holding your friends hostage they can convince Blizzard to make a game for them." Black Eye continued. "You must rescue them to prevent this and keep blizzard independent."

"And how exactly am I supposed to save them?" Lor'themar asked.

"You ever watched the Matrix?"

* * *

"So you all decided to come back here?" Cairne asked Magni and Velen who were both having a cup of coffee, much to the distress of Velen's bowls.

"Really wasn't much for us. I'm a dwarf and he's an old geaser." Magni replied.

"Where's ma puddin?" Velen asked confused.

"I see," Cairne noted taking another swig from his mug.

"So how long you think till they all get back?" Magni asked.

"No idea," Carine answered with a shrug.

"I want my puddin," Velen said.

"Velen we don't have any pudding so just shut up," Magni growled.

"We could just tie him up and leave him in the back of the RV gagged," Cairne noted.

"Aye lets do that." Magni agreed standing up and pulling out the duck tape.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats the chapter next time, some more humor and awesome before we continue this insane trip. Read and review folks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ranger24: Okay finally ending this story arc.**

* * *

Chapter 7: Disney part 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Okay anyone know why we're here?" Jaina asked.

"Hell if I know," Tyrande replied.

"Same here," Varian answered.

"Ditto," Vol'jin replied.

"I think it has something to do with distubing the peace," Thrall answered.

"How about we focus on getting out of here first?" Sylvanas snapped. All six of them were tied to chair while being surrounded by about a dozen security ninjas.

"You'd think they'd shut us up or gag us by now," Tyrande muttered.

"Well mon, somtin be tellin me we gonna be here a while." Vol'jin said.

"And?" Thrall asked.

"Well mon I was tinkin we pass the time by startan a believeable but totally bogus rumor about a celebraty." Vol'jin answered.

"That sounds like fun," Jaina said brightly.

"What did you have in mind?" Thrall asked.

"Okay, Brad Pit adopts Asian kids ta get him Achievements on da Xbox 360." Vol'jin suggested.

"I can believe that," Sylvanas replied with a shrug.

"Sounds about right," Varian noted with a nod.

"Well I think its terrible that Bard Pit does such a thing," Tyrande said coldly.

"You know this fun," Varian said brightly.

"Oh me next!" Jaina said.

* * *

Meanwhile a certian someone in a long black leather coat stepped inside the matenince corridors beneath Disney World. He came to a halt at the metal detectors and placed a duffel bag onto the X-ray machine. Then he stepped into the metal detector and the warning light went off. One of the bored security guards walked up to him with a handheld.

"Please remove all metal objects, keyes, pocket change..." He started.

Then Lor'themar opened the folds of his jacket to reveal a pair of mini Uzi's, two USP .45's, a sawed of shot gun, two M9's, a pair of of M1911's, a bandoleir of grenades, a large combat knife, and of course his own sword. The guard stared at the arsenal in shock.

"Holy..." He started but before he could a blade shot forth from underneath Lor'themar's wrist and he plunged it into the mans neck. The other two guards panicked and pulled out their hand guns. They opened fire but Lor'themar used the dead guard as a meat sheild while he drew out a large hand gun that was clearly custom from a holister and fired it.

The pistol bucked feircly and blew off a chunk of its victims face. The second guard gulped and ducked behind an alcove to reload. He thumb his radio voice shaking.

"Back up! We need back up now at the service entrance!" He said.

Then a bullet blasted the radio out of his hand and two more shattered his knee caps. He cried out in agony dropping his pistol and Lor'themar kicked it away.

"Your giving me a little hand," He said dragging the guard to his feet and wrapping one arm around them mans neck.

As he did so two dozen guards including some of the ninja guys came running down the corridor armed with AR 15's, Heckler and Koch MP5's, and shotguns.

"Freeze!" The leader shouted.

Lorthemar responded by opening fire. The first round ripped into the skull of the speaker and the second blew apart the man behind him. The guards however opened fire with their assault weapons and shreded their hapless comerade who was Lor'themar's meat sheild.

Once he was gellitan the disney mooks were forced eject their emmpty clips and Lor'themar pulled up his Uzi's and opened fire. Mook after mook fell dead to Lor'themar's gun fire until the Uzi's ran empty. Then he tossed aside the empty Uzi's and pulled up the shogun and charged forward. Using it like he was playing Gears of War he rolled from target to target and blasted them at point blank before he ran out of shells and tossed it aside.

Of course by the time he'd finished with the shot gun all of the mooks were dead. He drew out the M1911's and made his way down the hallway whistling.

* * *

"You know I honestly don't think George Cloney would keep a diamond mine under his estate secret," Jaina noted.

"Oh come on! It's feisable!" Varian objected.

"Yes but is it believable?" Thrall asked.

"Mon dis is a blast," Vol'jin said with a grin resting his head on his hands.

Sylvanas stared at and in a few seconds so was everyone else. Vol'jin raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Vol'jin asked.

"You had your hands free the whole time?" Tyrande dead panned.

"Ja mon, I guess dey forgot ta tie me up." Vol'jin replied with a shurg.

"Well untie us you big tusked bastard!" Varian snappped.

"Hey freeze!" One of the ninja guards said drawing a knife.

Vol'jin rubbed his hands together.

"Ja right mon." Then he leapt at the Disney employ, did a hand stand, and slammed his large feet into the mans face. Using the momentum of the kick he landed on his feet, grabbed the fallen knife and threw it into the throat of another ninja. The other four rushed him and he stood on one foot raising his arms like a pair of wings.

"I know kung-fu," He said before he spun kicked another ninja in the face. Another tired to strike him but he flipped over the man, wrapped his legs aroung the mans neck and with a jerk snapped his neck. The other two made a feirce stab at him with their knives but he ducked and they stabbed themselves in the stomach.

The first on he'd attacked struggled to his feet and drew a knife. Vol'jin laughed.

"Bitch please, ya know how many name less mooks I'va killed today alone mon?" Vol'jin asked.

The ninja shook his head.

"Den just lie down mon, play dead, and let us outta here." Vol'jin suggested.

The mook muttered something but he lay down and played dead.

Vol'jin rubbed his hands together.

"Alright mon, who wants to blow this place like Black Rock mountain?" He asked.

"Quit flaunting you skills and untie us," Varian snapped.

"Sheesh mon, tough crowd." Vol'jin said with a snicker.

* * *

Meanwhile Lor'themar kicked over another slain guard before hiting the elevator button. He hummed to himself ignoring the smell of all those he'd killed getting this far. The doors opened and he slipped inside face impasive as annoying elevator music played. He waited until the doors opened again and found himself at the barrels of a dozen assault rifles.

"Freeze! Drop your weapons!" The lead guard shouted.

"Bitch please," Lor'themar said before he socked the man in the face, swept kicked three of the guards and slicing their throats open with a knife.

The other eight guards opened fire but Lor'themar tackled the middle one, and did what he did with a previous guard. With his new meat sheild he snatched up a fallen assault rifle and fired away with it gunning down the guards one by one. When his clip was empty the guards were all dead and he let his shot up meet sheild fall dead.

Then he heard clapping behind him. He turned about to see the same organization guy who beat up Thrall, Vol'jin, and Varian.

"You're good, elf." He said pausing in his clapping.

"I learn fast," Lor'themar replied.

"Well time for me to show you how Disney really does things," the Organization member said taking a combat stance.

Lor'themar took a deep breath before he went into his own stance waiting... waiting...

Then something heavy smashed into the back of the Organizaiton members head and he fell to the floor out cold. Standing over him was Thrall.

"Lor'themar? How the hell did you get in here?" Thrall demanded as Vol'jin, Sylvanas, Varain, Jaina, and Tyrande came running up behind.

"The elevator," Lor'themar replied jerking his thumb at the door which was trying to close but was stuck on a hapless mooks head.

"By the way like the outfit," Sylvanas added.

"Umm.. thanks?" Lor'themar said unslinging his duffel bag and unzipping it to reveal a large bomb.

"Whats that for?" Varian asked.

"Our escape," Lor'themar answered simply pressing a few buttons on the casing. "I suggest that you all head on out of here and get to the RV."

"You sure you'll make it in time?" Jaina asked.

"Eh sixty forty," Lor'themar replied with a shrug.

* * *

"_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts," _Magni sang.

_"Da da da da,"_ Cairne added.

"_They're they are standing in a row,"_ Magni continued.

_"Bum bum bum bum." _Cairne tossed in.

_"They're stands me wife, the idol of me life singing role a bowl a ball a penny a pinch." _Magni sang."

_"Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pinch!" _Both sang.

"Oh would you shut it!" Varian snapped as he scrambled aboard the RV followed by Thrall, Vol'jin, Sylvanas, Jaina, and Tyrande.

"Where's Elf boy?" Cairne huffed.

"Tidying up," Slyvanas replied.

"Where's Velen?" Tyrande asked.

In response Cairne pointed at the ceiling where Velen was taped up with duck tape.

"Dat be a nice look for blue mon!" Vol'jin cackled.

Suddenly there was an explosion in the direction of Disney world and then they heard a long wailing scream. Then Lor'themar crashed outside the RV in a small crater. Everyone stared at him.

"He dead?" Vol'jin asked.

"Someone Rez him just to be sure," Thrall suggested.

"Stand back," Tyrande warned rolling up her sleeves. Then she did some moon prayer and Lor'themar rose a foot of the ground looking at least alive before he fell to the ground with a thud.

"Ow...." He moaned.

"There we go," Tyrande said brushing off her hands. Then she noticed everyone was staring at her.

"You can rez?" Thrall dead panned.

"Yes," Tyrande said unsure of what was coming.

"Then why the hell didn't you rez that Chuck guy back in the parking lot!" Varian snarled.

"She's a night elf," Lor'themar groaned. "Screwing stuff ups what they do best."

"Oh that just racist," Tyrande snapped.

"Woman, my ancestors were Night elves, they fucked stuff up. Face the facts." Lor'themar moaned.

"Well at least we all had..." She started before she noticed Magni and Cairne pulling out more ducktape. "What are you..."

Ten minutes later they were on the road again with Tyrande hanging on the ceiling right next to Vol'jin who was happily singing the small world song.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats that crazy adventure done. Next time they run into the ruling married couple of Dalaran while in Miami! Read and Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The ugly truth.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Well this looks like a colorful place," Thrall noted as they drove through another city this one with a lot of signs and advertisements in a langauge nobody could read. It also seemed to have a large number of night clubs.

"What does the map say?" Varian asked Lor'themar.

"Umm... I kinda threw it out after it started singing." Lor'themar replied.

**FLASHBACK**

Lor'themar pulled out the map at a gas station while everyone else was either using the bathroom or getting drinks.

Suddenly a pair of eyes appeared on it.

"Holy shit!" Lor'themar yelled dropping the map which started dancing on the dash board.

"If theres a place you've gotta get, I can get you there I bet! I'm the map! I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the..."

Before it could finish its horrid song Lor'themar pulled out a hand gun and shot it. The map screamed and fell to the floor writhing in pain as ink poured from it.

"OH GOD!" It sheriked. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH...!"

Before it could finish its sentence Lor'themar unloaded the enitre magazine of the hand gun into the map killing it. He rolled down a window and then threw it out into a trash can. Then he pulled out a lighter and a cigarette and light it up and took a relaxing puff before throwin it in the trash which caught fire and burned the maps corpse.

**END FLASHBACK!!!**

"Well at least theres a beach," Jaina said pointing out said feature as they drove along a board walk. Dozens of people were sun bathing, swimming, and just plain enjoying themselves.

Thrall turned to Cairne.

"What are your bones saying now?" He asked.

"They say its time to party," Cairne replied with a shrug.

"Good enough for me! Lor'themar stop the RV," Thrall ordered.

"Aye captian," Lor'themar replied parking them in a RV parking area.

* * *

Two hours later....

"Kowabunga!" Varian yelled as he rode a short wave in.

"Lok'tar ogar!" Thrall yelled on the following wave.

"Right on mon!" Vol'jin cackled as he did a handstand on his own board.

"Well this is going suprisingly well," Jaina said looking up from the book she was reading under one of the beach umbrella's they'd found under the RV's floor boards. Tyrande nodded.

"Bit sunny for my tastes but hey, when in Rome." Tyrande replied with a shrug.

Magni had fallen asleep and was being buried alive in sand by some little kids. Velen was running from what he thought was a sea monster that was really just a wet Cairne.

"Doesn't look like Sylvanas is to happy though," Jaina noted observing the Banshee queen who was lookinng disdainfully at Lor'themar who was surrounded by young local women.

"You think she, you know. Wishes it hadn't just been a one night thing?" Tyrande asked.

"Who knows, maybe she's just a bucket of angst and jealousy?" Jaina suggested.

"I thought she was?" Tyrande said confused.

"You really need to get out more," Jaina muttered.

Suddenly behind them there came the sound of yells of pain and a quick fight. The two of them looked about to see a guy with red hair and beard in fight with two large guys while a woman with pale skin, silver hair, blue eyes, and pointy ears looked on in utter disbelief.

"Is that?" Jaina said in suprise.

"I think it is, I've only meet them a few times but still no mistaking that Wizard." Tyrande agreed.

The red haired man finished up and the two other guys shuffled away, one with a black eye.

"Rhohin! Vereesa!" Jaina called.

The two looked about in suprise and the red haired man grinned. No mistaking them. Rhohins improperly healed broken nose stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Jaina, Preistess Tyrande!" He called as they came over. "What are you two doing here?"

"We could ask the same of you two as well," Tyrande replied.

"We kinda decided to take a second honey moon," Vereesa explained.

"Who else is with you two?" Rhohin asked.

"Well how does Varian, Magni, Velen, Thrall, Lor'themar, Cairne, and Vol'jin strike you?" Jaina asked.

"You forgot Sylvanas," Tyrande added.

Vereesa seemed uncomfortable at the mention of her older sister.

"Trying to avoid this," Jaina hissed to Tyrande.

"What? I mean Furion and Illidan had a falling out but they made up to some degree before Illidan left for Outland?" Tyrande asked.

"Excuse us," Jaina said apologetically to the ruling couple of Dalaran before she pulled Tyrande away.

"What?" Tyrande demanded.

"Look, for five years Vereesa thought Sylvanas had simply been killed when the Scourge attacked Silvermoon. Then she finds out her sisters not dead, she's undead! And a member of the Horde! They haven't seen each other in years!" Jaina snapped.

"Your point?" Tyrande dead panned.

Jaina facepalmed.

"God are you as dense as a brick," she muttered.

They made their way back over to the pair as Vol'jin, Thrall, and Varian came up soaking wet.

"What are you guys doing in Miami?" Rhohin asked.

"We kinda got lost on the way to Blizzcon," Varian admitted.

"Aw man that sucks, it was awesome." Vereesa said.

There was a silence.

"What?" Vereesa asked.

"You said was. As in it already happened." Jaina deadpanned.

"Yeah, a couple weeks ago," Rhohin said sheepishly.

Thrall looked at Varian and Varian looked at Thrall.

Then in unison they both raised their heads to sky and screamed, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile Lor'themar was hastily putting suntan lotion on Sylvanas's back. Seeing as how the Banshee Queen had made all of Lor'themar's admirers into walking corpses.

"What are those idots screaming about now?" Sylvanas asked without opening her eyes.

"Something about us having missed Blizzcon," Lor'themar answered.

"Get a bit lower," Sylvanas informed him.

Lor'themar quickly complied.

"I honestly expected as much," he continued.

"Really?" Sylvanas asked.

"Well think about it, we've been on the road aimlessly for a really long time now. We'd obviously have missed it." Lor'themar answered.

"Lower," Sylvanas added.

Lor'themar's hands found themselves dangerous close to Sylvanas's blue Undead hindquarters.

"Sylvanas, why are you acting like drunk prom date?" Lor'themar dead panned.

Sylvanas shrugged.

"No idea, I think the suns getting to me." She replied.

Two minutes later Thrall and Varian stopped their scream and sat down moping.

"I can't believe we missed Blizzcon," Varian moaned.

"I can't believe we've spent the ppast few days in an RV for nothing," Thrall groaned.

"I can't believe its not butter mon!" Vol'jin said.

Thrall and Varian glared at him.

"Shut the fuck up," Varian growled.

"Now what do we do?" Jaina asked.

"Obviously we go home," Tyrande answered.

"That's not going to be easy," Rhohin said.

"What do you mean?" Thrall asked.

"You can use portals to enter this world but they don't work out going," Rhohin answered.

"Then how the hell do we get out of here?!" Varian snapped.

"Simple, we go to Blizzard's headquarters." Rhohin replied.

"And where's that?" Jaina asked.

"Irvine California," Vereesa answered.

"Well at least we can find that on the map... If we can get a new one." Varian muttered.

"What happened to your old one?" Vereesa asked.

"Lor'themar killed it," Jaina deadpanned.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ranger24: Okay time for a new chapter folks. Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 9: Sisters Windrunner.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Several hours later they were all at a night club in Miami.

"So how long will it take us to get to California?" Varian asked Rhohin over the pounding music.

"A couple of days if nothing happens," Rhohin replies.

"Alright mon shake it for da ladies!!" Vol'jin cackled as he owned the dance floor with his insane freestyle.

"I never did get all this hipity hop music," Velen said to Tyrande as he sipped an orange juice through a bendy straw.

"Don't tell me, you had polka?" Tyrande replied rolling her eyes.

"Nope we had rock and skull. Musician's died at the old age of sixteen." Velen answered happily.

"Does everything you say have to invovle bodily harm in some way?" Tyrande demanded.

"Yep now watch me shake it for the ladies!" Velen said running out on to the dance floor only to collapse three feet into it.

"I'm okay! I just broke my ankle bones and tore a tendon or two." Velen said cheerily.

"We let them into the Allaince why?" Tyrande muttered.

Meanwhile Thrall, Jaina and Lor'themar were watching Sylvanas and Vereesa who were sitting on totally opposite sides of a table not looking at eachother.

"Okay we've got to break the ice," Thrall muttered.

"Thrall what the hell would they say to eachother? Oh gee! Didn't know you were undead!" Jaina replied.

"If only we had the help of Chuck Norris again," Lor'themar muttered.

"And what would he do round house kick Sylvanas out of undeath?" Jaina demanded.

"Actually she says she doesn't mind running the forsaken, sure being undead sucks in some ways but she still gets to order a bunch of corpses around." Thrall pointed out.

At that moment Veressa got up and walked off to the ladies room.

"I've got an idea," Lor'themar whispered getting up.

He walked over to Sylvanas and sat down next to her.

"You've gotta talk to her," he said simply.

"Why?" She demanded.

"Look she's your sister? Don't you have anything to say to her?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Fine!" Sylvanas snapped. "But if this goes badly I'm going to chop out your testicals and give them to Vol'jin to work his vodoo."

Lor'themar gulped as Sylvanas got up and headed for the bathroom. Thrall and Jaina sat down next to him.

"I suggest you find some sperm bank in case you want to ensure you have kids." Jaina noted.

"Not helping," he muttered.

---------------

Meanwhile in the ladies room Vereesa was just washing up when Sylvanas walked in.

"Vereesa," Sylvanas started but paused trying to think of something to say.

"How are the kids?" She said lamely.

"You mean the nephews you never even meet? They're fine, Karsus is watching them." Vereesa replied coldly.

"You left them with a red dragon?" Sylvanas asked raising an eyebrow.

"He's had who knows how many kids I think he can handle to half elves." Vereesa answered.

There was silence.

"Why the aren't you talking to me?" Sylvanas demanded.

Vereesa whirled about angrily.

"You want talking? Fine! See we're talking! Been a while hasn't it? Hope the Hordes been fun!" Vereesa snapped.

"Like the Allaince would let a bunch of undead into its fold! The Horde was willing to let us in so we signed on! And it certianly helped our people a lot more than running around with a wizard for twelve or so years!" Slyvanas shot back.

"Our people?!" Vereesa balked. "Our people are the some thousand that live in Stormwind, Theramore, and Dalaran! That's our people!"

"What about the Blood elves huh?! They are our people to! They'd still be in the Alliance if they hadn't been kicked out on false charges of treason! I meet that bastard Garithos and I can tell you he deserved what he got!"

"So a bunch of demonic energy addicted traitors are our people eh?!" Vereesa snarled. "Do you forget what the Horde did to Quel'thalas!?"

"Did you forget what the Scourge did to Quel'thalas?! What they did to me!?" Sylvanas roared.

"You know what?! I don't have to put up with this!" Vereesa snapped heading for the door.

But as she and Sylvanas's shoulders banged together two small baggies fell out of their pockets.

"My pot!" Both said in alarm. Then they paused looking up at eachother. "Your pot?!"

--------

Meanwhile outside Lor'themar was writing furiously on a peice of paper as Rhohin sat down next to him.

"What are you doing?" Rhohin asked.

"Writing my will," Lor'themar replied dismally.

"Why?"

"Sylvanas is in there," Lor'themar replied jerking his thumb at the ladies room. "With your wife."

"Oh damn," Rhohin muttered.

"Yeah, still trying to decide who to leave the title of Regent Lord of Silvermoon to." Lor'themar replied.

"Well I did hear that Hauldrons finally getting involved in a quest on Quel'danas," Rhohin noted.

"Oh really?" Lor'themar said looking up.

Rhohin nodded. "Same with you and Rommanath."

Lor'themar's eyes brightened. "I get invovled in a quest again!?"

"Well an event but yes," Rhohin muttered.

"Good enough for me," Lor'themar answered.

At the same time however Cairne and Magni bowled through the crowd doing their own dances. Of course Cairne didn't look like an idot.

"My bones were right again!" Cairne proclaimed.

"Thank you Cairne's crazy old bones!" Magni said happily.

* * *

Twenty minutes later back in the ladies room Sylvanas and Vereesa were sitting up against the wall with the room filled with smoke. Both held a light roll in their hands and both looked stoned to the limit.

"A...and then he freakin danced around in his underwear, right in front of everyone." Sylvanas finished. Vereesa snickered.

"That's... thats funny," she said totally high. "Hey you still got your amulet?"

"What amulet?" Sylvanas asked.

"The one from Alleria," Vereesa asked pulling out her own ruby one.

Sylvanas pulled out her own Saphire one. "Horde players find it at the spire... you been there since... the attack?"

Vereesa shook her head. "No... I haven't."

"It's over run by gargoyles, banshees, and cult of the damned members." Sylvanas continued. "Horde players clear it out as best they can but... you know... the guys keep respawning."

"I miss Alleria," Vereesa admited pulling her legs to her chest. "I meet her son, Arator. He doesn't seem to keen on finding her."

"Why?" Sylvanas asked.

"Because he thinks she abandoned him." Vereesa replied. "He thinks she didn't love him."

"Thats bull shit," Sylvanas snapped. "Alleria was one of the most caring people I knew! She'd never leave her own son to rot alone without reason."

"You know what I think?" Vereesa asked.

"What?" Sylvanas asked.

"I think... she left him behind... cause she knew it wouldn't be safe for him in Outland. You know? She abandoned him, because she loved him." Vereesa replied.

Sylvanas looked at her sister along time.

"Vereesa..." She started.

Then Vereesa broke into tears.

"I'm so sorry!" She wailed.

"Don't you start," Sylvanas starting to choke up.

"I wasn't there for you! I could've done something!" Vereesa wailed.

Then Sylvanas broke into tears.

"No! There wasn't anything you could have done, Arthas would've killed you just like he killed me. You'd be a monster just like me." She cried wrapping an arm around her sister as they both cried into eachothers shoulders.

"You're not a monster you're my sister!" Vereesa cried.

"A sister whos an undead Banshee!" Sylvanas wailed.

"The family broke apart! I've killed one of our cousins, sure he deserved it but still!" Vereesa wailed.

"I was forced to watch as our people, our home was torn apart by the undead! Helpless!" Sylvanas moaned.

"I'm here now though," Vereesa said lifting her head up with a sniff.

"Yeah," Sylvanas said choking backa sob looking up. "I promise... Things are going to be differnet."

Then the Banshee Queen smiled. "I've got three seperate nephews, who might need an aunt after all."

Vereesa hugged her and Sylvanas hugged her back.

* * *

**Ranger24: What? I have something of a soul and this sort of scene just needs to be done for these two. Its like with the Bronzebeard brothers, Blizzard should make a quest where all three Windrunner siblings reunit and have a teary angst fest. Seriously Thrall found his grandma so theres a chance something like this could happen. Anyways read and review. **

**Also vote on which gag chapter comes first folks! We have, **

**A: A Star Wars Mutlichapter story arc based on Family guy's Blue Harvest**

**B: Revenge of Ronald McDonald**

**C: Enter Illidan and Kael'thas, KFC employees!**

**(I may actually combine B and C into a two parter.)**

**You pick which one comes first second and third! Vote now and the results will be revealed next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ranger24: Okay happy to deliver more chaos to you nut jobs! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 10: Music fun.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"So where are we now?" Thrall asked.

It had been two days since they'd started north again after taking a loop around some swamp land. Now they were who knows where driving down another dirt road.

"Lost thats what," Sylvanas growled in the back as she played poker with Jaina, Tyrande, and Vereesa.

"Are not!" Lor'themar snapped.

"Oh really where are we then?" Vereesa demanded.

"Well according to some sign I saw a few hours ago we're in some place called Alabama." Lor'themar replied.

"Oh boy and do you know where we are exactly?" Vereesa asked.

"Not really," Lor'themar admitted.

"How about we get one of those GPS map things?" Varian suggested.

"And were da ya supose we be findin' one a dem?" Vol'jin asked.

"At an electronics store dumbass." Varian deadpaned.

"Can we pick up some beer while we're there?" Magni asked.

"Electornics store, Magni. Not a liquir store." Varian ilterated.

"Oh look a shopping center how convient!" Lor'themar said suddenly turning off into said shopping center parking lot. Varian rose to his feet.

"Okay, we need to assemble an away team. It shall be made up of myself, Thrall, Rhohin, Vol'jin, Lor'themar, Cairne, Magni, and hopefully we'll find a red shirt on the way to die horribly and give us something to be sentamentil over." Varain ordered.

"Wait what about us?" Jaina demanded as the guys began to clamber out of the RV.

"Girls plus shopping center equals bad mojo mon," Vol'jin said before clambering off.

When it was only the ladies and a napping Velen left on board Sylvanas quickly locked the door and shuttered the windows.

"Okay we agreed that we'd post this on youtube an then brutally flame it to make it the bigest AMV on the internet?" Sylvanas checked.

"Agreed," Jaina said setting up a camera as Vereesa brought out a boom box.

"This is going to be so awesome," Tyrande said excitedly while she set up a blue screen.

"Everyone remember their lines?" Vereesa asked putting a tape in the caset player.

"Girl been dreaming of this since Warcraft three," Jaina replied.

"Start that shit up." Sylvanas said.

Vereesa hit play and all four of them rushed in front of the blue screen as the song began to play. All four of them suddenly shifted poise to a more show girl ere.

"Hi hi!" Tyrande said with a wave.

"We're your weather girls." Jaina said leaning forward.

"Uh huh," Vereesa said with a nod.

"And have we got news for you!" Jaina proclaimed.

"You better listen!" Sylvanas suggested.

"Get ready, all you lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home." Jaina said.

"Alright!" Tyrande said with a clap.

All: _Humidity rising._

Vereesa: "_Barometer's getting low."_

All: _According to all sources, the streets the place to go._

Sylvanas: _Cause tonight for the first time!_

Jaina: _Just about half-past ten!_

Tyrande: _For the first time in history!_

Vereesa: _It's gonna start raining men._

All:_ It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! Amen!_

Sylvanas:_ I'm gonnna go out to run andle myself get absolutely soaking wet!_

All: _It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! Every specimen! Tall, blonde, dark, and lean; rough and tough and strong and mean._

Jaina:_ God bless Mother nature, she's a single woman too._

Tyrande:_ She took off to Heaven and she did what she had to do._

Vereesa_: She taught every angel to rearrange the sky._

Sylvanas:_ So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy!_

All: _It's raining men! Yeah!_

Jaina: _Humidty rising._

Tyrande: _Barometer's getting low._

Vereesa: _According to all sources, the streets the place to go._

Sylvanas: _Cause tonight for the first time! Just about half-past ten!_

All: _For the first time in history. Its gonna start raining men!_

Then they all stamped their feet.

All: _It's raing men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! Amen! It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men!_

--------------

Meanwhile in the best buy Lor'themar suddenly froze as they passed by the TV section.

"What is it what's wrong?" Varian asked.

"I felt a great distubance... As if the girls were making a video to post on the internet while we aren't there." Lor'themar muttered.

"Unless day be makin a lesbo prono I dan't care mon," Vol'jin said causing all the males present to stare at him. "Vhat?!" He demanded. "Ya was all tinkin' it!"

"Look TV!" Magni said running over to the TV's.

"Aw sick!" Varian proclaimed excitedly.

"Hooray!" Thrall roared.

"Sweet! See if they have any dvd players!" Lor'themar said egarly.

"They can't make a screen big enough for me!" Cairne proclaimed.

"Speaking of dvd's see if they have any Bond movies or at least 300!" Rhohin ordered.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay so this was utter crap I came up with to fill time. But next time, you asked for it folks! Kael'thas and Illidan become regulars! And they battle Ronald again! Read and review.**

**PS. Who should play who in the Star Wars short? **


	11. Chapter 11

**Ranger24: And here's the new chapter folks. Enjoy. **

* * *

Chapter 11: Revenge of clown part 1.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The next day, in the state of Mississippi.

"How did it take us a whole day to get from Alabamaa to Mississippi?" Jaina demanded.

"Oh well once we had the TV and DVD player we realized we needed an entertainment center to put them all in." Varian replied.

"Which meant we had to got to the bank. You wouldn't believe the exchange rate of gold to dollars," Thrall continued.

"And then we had to find a furniture store," Magni started but Jaina held up her hand.

"Okay I get it! Don't have to give me a novelization," Jaina muttered.

"I be already workin on dat missy Proudmoore," Vol'jin noted holding up laptop he'd bought at Best Buy.

"Hey can we stop somewhere to get some food?" Cairne asked.

"Well let's see whats around here," Lor'themar replied turning into another shoping center.

"They've got Popeyes," Sylvanas pointed out as they passed a Popeye's.

"I never liked their fries." Varian said shooting that down.

"Oh Long John Silvers!" Rhohin said excitedly.

"I'm not good with Sea Food," Tyrande muttered.

"Pizza Hut?" Jaina suggested.

"We'd need to buy Thrall and Cairne their own full size pizza's," Lor'themar pointed out before he froze and slamed the brakes. Everyone was thrown to the floor by the sudden stop.

"What the hell Lor'themar?!" Varian snarled pushing himself up.

Lor'themar gulped and pointed ahead of them. Everyone froze. Right ahead of them was a McDonalds.

"Oh spirit, we needs ta get outta here mon!" Vol'jin siad terrified.

"Yes but look!" Vereesa proclaimed pointing behind the McDonalds. There beyond the dark evil of McDonalds, was a beautiful KFC.

"We have to get to that KFC!" Varian proclaimed.

"But what about da McDonalds mon?!" Vol'jin demanded.

"Lor'themar!" Thrall roared. "Gun it!"

Lor'themar floored it and they shot right passed the McDonald's right towards the KFC.

"We're going to make it!" Jaina said joyfully.

"Praise Elune!" Tyrande proclaimed.

"Yes praise the weird night elf goddess indeed!" Magni agreed.

* * *

Meanwhile in the M on the sign two employee's watched the RV go by while a shadowy figure stood over them.

"Sir we have a lisence plate match on the RV," One said.

"We have conformation, its them." The other added.

"What is their heading?" The Shadowy figure demanded.

"The KFC next door." The first replied.

"Our old nemisis, the Colonel." The second added.

"Ready two attack teams. I shall be there momentarily to take command." The shadowy figure said fading away being but a hologram.

* * *

Lor'themar parked the RV and Tyrande, Varian, Thrall, Jaina, and Sylvanas got up being the team selected (by drawing straws to see who would go into the KFC).

"Okay so how many buckets are we getting?" Varian asked.

"You'd think we'd have figured this out before we got off the bus," Thrall muttered.

"Let's just make sure we get some biscuts," Sylvanas said as they reached the register. The cashier turned to face them and all four of them gasped in shock.

"Welcome to KFC can I take your order?" Illidan Stormrage asked in bored tones.

"Illidan?!" Tyrande proclaimed.

Illidan suddenly straightened. He looked about the same he did in black temple only he had a shirt on and a hair net.

"Tyrande?" He said in suprise. "Why in Elune's name are you in Mississippi? Or this world for that matter."

Before anyone could reply there came shreik of pain from the kitchen and out came running to everyone but Illidan's shock a certian Blood elf.

"Illidan!" Kael'thas Sunstrider whined! "Illidan!"

"Yes what did you do to yourself now Kael'thas?" Illidan demanded. "Did you put your hand in the deep fryer again?"

"No!" Kael'thas replied sounding offened. Then he frowned. "Okay maybe..."

Illidan face palmed in annoyance.

"Kael'thas?!" Jaina said sheer disbelief.

"That's what it says on my underwear," Kael'thas replied simmpering as Illidan pulled out a first aid kit.

"What the hell happened to him?" Thrall asked.

"Well you see, people have a habbit of using hammers on his face in dungeons and raids." Illidan explained tending to Kael'thas's injuries. "Eventually it began to effect his brain. Soon it lead to his mind spliting into two seperate personalities. Kael'thas and Kael'thas."

"Thats the same name," Varian deadpanned.

"The pronuciation's different. In this case Kael'thas pronounced Kell'this being the harmless child like moron. Then there's the one they used for Magisters Terrace which is just Kael'thas and hes down right evil." Illidan revealed.

"Oh," Varian muttered.

"His mental stability got so poor that Blizzard had to pull him from dungeons and raids and replace him with a stunt double to keep from losing him utterly. They had me take him here to hopefully get him some rest and relaxation until he'd gotten his head back together." Illidan finished.

"And hows that going for you?" Tyrande asked.

"Hey Illidan, after work can we go to the toy store?" Kael'thas asked.

"Take a guess," Illidan groaned. "So what are you all doing?"

"Well we were on our way to Blizzcon but Thrall accidently killed the driver, then we went to McDonalds and Sylvanas battle Ronald McDonald, then Varian and Thrall encounter Chuck Norris and the KKK, then we went to Disney world and we totally screwed the place up, then we went to Miami and ran into Rhohin and Vereesa who told us we'd missed Blizzcon, and now were on our way to Blizzards head quarters to go home." Jaina explained.

Illidan was silent for a moment before he looked up.

"Okay what is she on? Because please get me some."

"It's true!" Sylvanas snapped.

"Umm... guys...." Thrall said pointing to the door.

Approaching the KFC were some dozen McDonalds employees armed was submachine guns being lead by a certian clown.

"Oh shit," Sylvanas muttered.

"You know I'm blind what the hell is going on?" Illidan snapped.

"Oh just a crazy clown come to kill us," Jaina muttered.

"Must be tuesday," Kael'thas said brightly.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay me cutting this chapter here. Next time another show of violent force! Read and review!**

**PS. If you can name what show I'm using to make Kael'thas's perosnality you get a suprise gift!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ranger24: Hey folks its the Illidan drinking game! Take a shot every time Illidan says Prepared and I promise you'll be shit faced by the end of the chapter!**

* * *

Chapter 12: Attack of the Clown part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Illidan quickly rushed forward and locked the doors before over turing some tables and benches to make a quick barricade.

"Now do you believe us?" Sylvanas demanded.

"Willing to give you the benefit of a doubt," Illidan muttered. "Kael'thas get the weapons out and prepared!"

"Okay!" Kael'thas said excitedly turning to the cash register.

"You guys keep guns in here?" Varian said in suprise.

"We're in a state filled with red necks what do you think?" Illidan demanded.

"Let's see just type in the code F-U-C-K-Y-O-U-A-R-T-H-AS." Kael said typing some keys on the register.

Then a hidden compartment extended itself from the counter to reveal a small collection of guns Kael'thas picked up an uzi while Illidan grabbed an AR15. All the while Jaina looked uncomfortable.

"How is that even legal?" Tyrande demanded.

"And how can you use a gun, your blind?!" Thrall demanded.

"I see gray blobs." Illidan snapped clambering behind the counter. "Now grab a gun and get some cover and be prepared!"

Varian grabbed a shot gun while Thrall picked up a MP5.

"Can we avoid violence?" Jaina asked.

"No negotiating with McDonalds so be prepared," Illidan replied.

Sylvanas picked up a M4A1 carbine while Tyrande grabbed an M16.

"Just roll with it girl," Tyrande muttered.

Jaina sighed and picked up an M9.

"A pistol?! Are you kidding me!? Thats not being prepared!" Illidan snapped.

"I'm not shooting to kill," Jaina replied.

"Well thats nice of you," Kael'thas said cheerily.

"Hey all you other idiots get up here! And get prepared for battle!" Illidan snapped. Several KFC employees rushed in and grabbed guns of their own before taking cover behind tables and booths.

There was a silence. Then suddenly some one began cutting through the door with torches.

"Hold fire!" Illidan ordered.

Then it stopped.

"Okay... what now?" Varian asked.

Then the door and the barricade infront of it exploded and everyone ducked down. Then in swept the McDonalds employees firing their weapons! The KFC employees returned fire but two were cut down quickly. The confusing gun fire dropped many on both sides but the KFC employee's were rapidly pushed back behind the counter. Then in came the clown.

"The time of vengance has come. SO SMILE!" Ronald proclaimed firing an AK-47 into the cash register on the counter.

"I fucking hate clowns," Illidan growled.

"How about we just shot him?" Sylvanas suggested.

"Because he's got us out numbered!" Illidan snapped.

"I'm lovin it!" Ronald sheriked firing at the ceiling. One of menu screens fell down and slammed into Kael'thas's head who fell over.

"Oh shit," Illidan muttered.

"Kael!" Jaina said alarmed.

"I thought you said you wouldn't date him in a million years?" Varian asked.

"One that was before Arthas went evil. And two; I was just friends with him." Jaina replied.

"Never mind that crap!" Illidan snapped. "He's about to go..."

Then Kael'thas rose up, his face composed and eyes burning green.

"That clown, just pissed off the wrong elf." Kael growled before rising up.

"Get down!" Illidan snarled covering his head!

Kael raised his hands and instantly all the McDonalds employees burst into flames! They screamed in agony and collapsed dead writhing. Ronald dropped his AK-47 and pulled out a machete.

"I'm going to cut you up into McNuggets!" He proclaimed.

Kael'thas smirked and from his sleeve he drew, the sword he probably should have used in Tempest Keep and at Magisters Terrace but Blizzard hadn't thoguht of it yet, Felo'mounre the Flamestrike.

"So what would though havest of me?" Kael asked.

"Why good king of cats, not but one of your nine lives," Ronald replied.

"What the hell are they doing?" Varian hissed.

Sylvanas shushed him however.

"He's quoting the Bard," she snapped.

"So are you prepared for an over the top sword fight?" Kael asked.

"Kick his ass Kael! He is not prepared!" Illidan shouted.

Then the two clashed slashing and hacking with their blades. Sparks flew from their blades and steel rang against steel. The two battled out into parking lot and the others rushed after them.

"Do you think he can win?" Jaina asked.

"Of course! I already said that clown was not prepared," Illidan replied.

"God do you just love to constantly say that?" Varian muttered.

"YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!" Illidan shouted before punching Varian in the face.

Finally Ronald and Kael'thas stopped panting heavily.

"You cannot defeat me!" Ronald proclaimed. "I have the super size!"

"I have the large meal!" Kael proclaimed before they charged one another again!

Then the RV Slammed into them and Ronald's head went under a tire. Kael went sailing into a street lamp and made a huge dent into the pole.

"Man Lor'themar needs to watch for pedestrains better," Thrall muttered.

"They weren't prepared." Illidan added.

They rushed over to Kael'thas as everyone on the RV rushed out.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Long story," Illidan replied.

Jaina bent down to Kael and turned him over.

"Kael'thas? Are you okay?" She asked.

"Illidan," Kael moaned.

"What?" Illidan asked.

"Can we go to the toy store?"

"Yep he's fine. Though think we're out of a job." Illidan replied pointing at the KFC which had caught fire.

"Well you guys want to come with us?" Rhohin asked.

"That depends, is crazy bitch Maiev with you?" Illidan asked.

"Nope."

"Then consider us sold." Illidan replied.

"Hey Illidan, where'd the clown go?" Kael asked.

"You are not prepared to know," Illidan muttered.

* * *

**Ranger24: And theres the second half of this little crazy fest. Next time... whos knows what will happen. Read and review. **

**PS. I am not responsible for anyone having alchohal posioning for drinking to much this chapter.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ranger24: The Illidan drinking game is still going on any time Illidan say prepared take a drink.**

* * *

Chapter 13: Oh Zenu

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Forty nine bottles of beer on the wall, forty nine bottles of beer..." Kael'thas sang dispite being tied up in the back with Velen.

"I can't believe he used to hit on me," Jaina muttered as she played crazy eights with Sylvanas, Tyrande, and Vereesa.

"I can't believe I keep hitting pedestrains," Lor'themar muttered as he drove the RV across the northern half of Oklohoma.

"I can't believe you ran out of duck tape, you weren't prepared." Illidan muttered to Cairne as they played chess.

"I can't believe it's not butter mon!" Vol'jin proclaimed as he watch High lander with Varian, Thrall, and Rhohin.

Everyone glared at the Troll.

"I know mon, I know, shut up Vol'jin. I can't help it doe mon," Vol'jin muttered.

Lor'themar glanced at the dashboard and cursed.

"Ah shit we're running out of gas," he muttered.

"Elf boy!" Magni said over the small intercomm set up from the crows nest he'd made on the roof to keep an eye out for anything worth stopping for. "We got what looks a convention or a county fair up ahead. But no gas stations for miles."

"Whats the choice captian?" Lor'themar called back to Thrall.

"Make it so number one," Thrall answered as Sean Connery was beheaded in the movie.

"I tought I was numbah one!" Vol'jin said in hurt tones.

"Oh right, make it so number two," Thrall corrected.

"I thought I was number two!" Sylvanas said in equally hurt tones.

"Good point," Thrall muttered.

"Before you say make it so number three I'd like to point I'm pretty sure thats me," Cairne added.

"Oh screw you cow man," Lor'themar snapped.

"Just pull us in," Thrall growled. "Hopefully someone will have some extra gas."

"If not I'll just steal from their tanks," Illidan tossed in.

"Why on earth would you do that?" Tyrande demanded.

"Tyrande I pretty sure you've realized by now that I'm a crazy man who pops pills to keep his sanity within a shred of being intact." Illidan replied.

They pulled into the banner entrance which proclaimed, 'Church of Scientology welcomes you!'

Lor'themar parked the RV in the midst of a collection of sports cars.

"Okay we'll leave two of us here to watch the RV while everone else goes to find gas," Varian said. "So who's it going to be?"

"I'll stay, someone normally needs to keep the engine ready to go," Lor'themar replied.

"I'll stay to," Sylvanas replied.

"Okay then hopefully we'll be back soon," Jaina said as they all clambered off the bus.

Sylvanas glanced at the door and silently locked it while Lor'themar took out a magazine and started reading it. She then drift over to the windows and closed them all slyly before glancing over at Lor'themar. Then, hurrying over to the CD player she pulled out a Barry White CD and put it in the player and pressed play.

"You know I kinda always thought of you as more of a death metal kinda chick," Lor'themar said.

"I dabble a little," Sylvanas said sliding over to him.

Then Lor'themar sighed and stood up.

"Okay I can see where this is going," Lor'themar muttered.

.

"What?" Sylvanas demanded.

"Look Sylvanas, it's not that I don't want to its just I'm not entirely sure whether this would be considered necrophila or not." Lor'themar said.

"Well do you want to consider it necrophilia?" Sylvanas asked.

"Well not really..." Lor'themar started but then Sylvanas grabbed him by the cheek and kissed him for about minute before they broke apart.

"Just shut up and do me like I'm a drunk prom date," she growled.

"Okay but only cause you asked so," Lor'themar said before kissing her.

* * *

Twenty seven minutes later outside...

"OH GOD WHY DID WE LEAVE ELF BOY AND CRAZY BITCH IN THE RV!!! Vol'jin shreiked as everyone ran screaming from the crowds of angery scientologists!

"Why the hell did you have to bring up Elune!?" Varian snapped at Tyrande.

"I'm High preistess moron!" Tyrande snapped back.

"They're scientoligists! They take offense to any other religon!" Illidan snapped.

"Eh! Just me checking something," Magni huffed.

"What?" Thrall demanded.

"Most sane people realize Scientology is about as real as Canada's overall historical acheivements." Magni checked.

"Yes," Jaina replied.

"And in the grand scheme of things even Aetheists are higher up than Scientologists?" Magni checked.

"Correct!" Rhohin said panting.

"Then why don't we just kill these crazy fucks?!" Magni demanded and they all came to a sudden stop.

"Good point," Varian muttered drawing his swords.

Thrall hefted the Doomhammmer. "Oh this is going to be sweet."

------------

Meanwhile back in the RV....

"YES! YES! YES!!! OH GOD YES!!!" Sylvanas cried out in ecstacy as Lor'themar...

**(Record Scratch!)**

**O_O**

**Oh my god... **

**Eh heh...**

**Okay... moving back to violence to avoid an M rating.**

* * *

Twelve minutes later outside.

It was utter gore and mayhem as the heros and two raid bosses of Azeroth Battled the scientologists. Dozens if not hundreds lay dead already but still on they came.

"Hey mon!" Vol'jin said as he beheaded another one. "Am I the only one who be gettin the feelin dat we be missin' out on sometin totally awesome back at da RV?"

"It's probably your Imagination!" Illidan said as he cut a bloody swath through the scientologists. "For I am prepared anyways!"

"What do you mean by that?" Jaina called as she burned away at the on coming scientologists with Rhohin.

"I installed some camera's on the RV just to be prepared." Illidan answered before immolating a battalion of the fools.

"I think that's just called being paranoid!" Vereesa called as she and Tyrande continued firing arrows into the oncoming crowds.

"YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!"

-------------

Eighteen minutes later in the back room on the RV.

Sylvanas took a drag on the cigarette she had clenched between her teeth as she lay in the one bed at the back of RV with Lor'themar who had one arm wrapped around her while he smoked his own cigarette. Both looked ridiculously deshevled although ridiucously satisfied.

"Hey Sylvanas," Lor'themar asked.

"Yeah?" Sylvanas asked.

"When did you get that flaming skull tatoo that said ODST on your ass?" Lor'themar asked.

Sylvanas shrugged.

"Meth and gaming conventions really don't mix," she muttered.

"Wait what?" Lor'themar said caught off guard.

"Hey you hear something?" Sylvanas asked.

* * *

Two minute later outside.

"Okay maybe it wasn't such a good idea to attack them," Thrall panted as he crushed in another Scientologists skull.

"Starting to... agree with that statement," Varian panted.

"Where's Kael'thas and Velen?" Jaina asked.

"Hey Illidan!" Kael'thas called and everyone turned about to see he and Velen draining the tank of one of the sports cars. "Do we know anyone named Tom Cruise?"

"Oh god," Illidan muttered.

Suddenly the door to the RV slamed open and Sylvanas and Lor'themar came running out weapons ready.

"Where the heck were you guys?!" Varian snapped.

"And why do you guys smell like sweet and hot passionate..." Thrall started but then stopped as comprehension dawned on him. "Oh."

"Oh shut up," Lor'themar growled as he sliced of the head off one Scientologist.

"SHOW ME THE MONEY BABY!" Tom Cruise cried out suddenly leaping from the crowd of Scientologists and whrilwind kicking Lor'themar in the face into the side of the RV knocking him out. A trickle of blood began running down from his scalp.

"Oh you son of a bitch!" Sylvanas snarled before shooting Tom Cruise in the stomach before using heer drain life power to turn him into a shrivled corpse.

"We gotta get out of here!" Rhohin shouted sending out another fire ball.

"We can't! Lor'themar's out cold!" Thrall replied smashing in another skull.

"I'll drive!" Varian proclaimed. "Everyone fall back to the RV!"

They retreated to the RV Sylvanas pulling Lor'themar aboard while Thrall and Varian held the rear. Kael and Velen finished up the tank and Illidan and Jaina dragged them aboard and the finnaly Thrall and Varian clambered aboard. Varian threw himself into the drivers seat and turned the key.

"Okay lets get out of here!" Varian said Backing them out and running over Tom Cruises shrivled corpse.

"Goddess help us the idoit can't drive." Tyrande muttered.

Varian ran over two seperate cars before pulling them out of the parking area with many frequent stops from the gear shift.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay thats another chapter folks. Next time we might start moving towards an actual plot! Or I'll do a character overview.... just kidding. I have selected the big villians though! Deathwing and his trusty side kick! The invicible! Terrifying! (Drum roll!)**

**Hogger.**

**Also joing the group maybe Death Knight Arthas! (Not Lich King, plot point to be explained in a later gag.) And maybe I'll have Garrosh and Fandral show up to have an epic battle of the hated leaders! **

**Read and review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ranger24: Now the long awaited Starwars thing!**

* * *

Chapter 14: The Star Wars arc part 1.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"So he still hasn't gotten up yet?" Jaina asked as they looked at Lor'themar who was in the only bed.

"No, he most likely has a sever concussion and may have some internal damage," Illidan replied.

"In my day we didn't get concussion's we got strokes! Speaking of which," Velen said before falling to the ground twitching. Magni sighed.

"I'll get the defibulator," he muttered.

"We need to get him to a hospital," Tyrande said replacing the bandages.

"With Varian driving a stick?" Jaiana deadpanned.

"We have no choice, he needs real professional medical care!" Tyrande snapped.

"Alright we'll hit one up first chance we get," Thrall said.

"I wonder what he's thinking about in there?" Sylvanas muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile inside Lor'themar's brain...

The world opened upon space filled with stars and really loud music as several lines of text crawled up the screen...

**STAR WARS**

**Episode IV A New Hope**

**It is a time of great fear, violence, and random flying paragraphs in space.**

**The evil Galactic Empire of Scourge has been battered by a recent attack from the Rebel Crusade. During the furious battle of ineffecient energy weapons that have horrible accuracy for some reason and really short range for killing, several spies jacked the plans to Scourge's Secret super Weapon, the Naxrammas. **

**Now Princess Sylvanas heads for her home planet of Quel'thalas in a really small ship as the Scourge deploy's its walking deathbringer Death Knight Arthas. I could give you a shitload of obvious spoilers to explain the plot but who gives a flying f*ck. On with this flying pile of stupid. **

**I mean seriously! The ships are going no faster than early fifties jet fighters! How is that efficent space travel?**

**Oh and they're passing over the planet of Tanaris. Have fun with that.**

True to the paragraphs above the world panned down to show a planet covered in deserts. This is planet Tanaris.

Just then a small ship grinded past being buffeted by energy blasts that were ridiculously inefficent. It looked like something made with a kids model making kit. Then lumbering up behind it was the massive Scourge Star Necropolis the Kolmaras, with a Barrack Obama bumper sticker.

The smaller ship returned fire with its single set of guns but was totally being pwned.

Aboard the smaller ship a pair of mechanical figures, one a tall gold and red plated driod and the other a short gray guy with horns shaped like a trash can with wheels. These were Kael-PO and Illi-DAN, take a guess whose who.

The ship suddenly shuddered under another hit and the lights flickered. Kael jumped with fright.

"Uh oh! Illi-DAN!" Kael said.

"What?" Illi-DAN growled.

"I think we're being boarded! Should I make snacks?" Kael asked.

"Just shut up and try not to be usefull," Illi-DAN growled before he paused and pulled a small white bag out of a slot.

"By the way, could you hold this for me? Its a three month stint in county if I get caught with it," Illi-DAN asked.

"Okay!" Kael agreed excitedly.

As they spoke a dozen or so rebels rushed past them. Outside the small vessel was being pulled inside the belly of the massive Kolramas. The rebels formed up at an air lock taking aim with their horribly selected blaster pistols.

One a guy with black hair and a mustache glanced at his companion who had short brown hair.

"Hey Eller's, why did we just grab pistols?" He asked.

"What are you talking about Guy?" Eller's demanded.

"Well they obviously have high powered assault weapons and god knows how many guys and all we do is line up in front of an air lock with a few hand guns? Shouldn't we use semi automatics or shot guns?" Guy asked.

"Yeah and what if they come through another door?" An orc behind them asked.

"Well Orgrath I guess we'll just go to that door," Eller's replied.

"But isn't that horribly inefficent useage of man power?" Orgrath asked.

"Look its Star Wars man! George Lucas has the tactical brillance of a three year old girl who spends all her time playing with Barbies!!" Eller's snapped.

Suddenly cutting torches began burning through the airlock and the rebels took aim. Then the door exploded and many sheilded their eyes from the smoke and sparks. Then in charged the Scourge's horribly inaccurret cannon fodder soldiers who began firing from the hip at the rebels some how nailing a few of them even as the rebels began to return fire some how sucking enough to only nail two enemies. One soldier was struck in the shoulder and crashed against a bulk head.

"Damnit," he muttered. "I was two days away from retirement."

The Rebels were forced to retreat and the majority of the cannon fodder rushed after them while a few remained behind to secure the entrance as a black armored figure covered in skulls entered. This is Death Knight Arthas he took one look around and muttered a curse.

"Oh what the hell guys!" He snapped. "You could have at least cleared up around the door!"

"Respectfully sir were still kinda fighting a battle and we just got done here, why would we deal with the corpses while still fighting?" One asked. Arthas promptly wiped out his runesaber Frostmourne and stabbed the uppity little bastard in the stomach. He then yanked it out and the poor cannon fodder fell dead.

"Anyone else got something clever to say?!" He demanded waving Frostmourne around threateningly.

* * *

Meanwhile in the real world.

"Varian where's the nearest hospital?" Thrall asked.

"I know where I'm going," Varian growled.

"No you don't! Your the asshole driving the RV who threw out the map cause he said real men don't use maps!" Jaina snapped.

"Oh you got bitch slapped there," Kael'thas said, once more tied up with Velen to prevent them from causing any havoc in the already fubar situation.

"Look I know where I'm going okay! I just need to get my bearings!" Varian snapped.

"How exactly do ya plan ona gettin ya bearings on da freeway mon?" Vol'jin asked.

"Because..." Varian started and then he glared at Vol'jin. "Shut up."

"Oh great come back mon," Vol'jin muttered rolling his eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile... Back in Lor'themar Concussed brain...

Kael-PO glanced about in fear as he moved around the escape pod bay. The ship had been almost over run and he was still onboard. Why you may ask?

"Illi-DAN!" He called. "Illi-DAN!"

"I'm over here you moron!" Illi-DAN snapped as he stood next to a woman wearing a blue cloak who was apperantly recording something. She was Sylvanas obviously.

"Help me Velen-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope," She finished before bending over Illi-DAN's command interface. "Okay now what do I click?" She asked.

"Press preferences," Illi-DAN replied.

"Okay," she replied pressing the button. "I've pressed prefrences. Now its showing me a little spinning wheel thing and its not letting me do anything.

"Oh thats just the Mac's version of the blue screen of death," Illi-DAN replied. "Let me switch over to windows 7."

"Okay now it says I need to download real player seven," Sylvanas replied.

"Okay you know what, how about I just give it to him in person," Illi-DAN suggested.

"Okay sounds good. I'll slow the cannon fodder down while you do that," Sylvanas said pulling out a pistol of her own.

"Right, come Kael-PO." Illi-DAN ordered.

"Okay!" Kael said running after him into an escape pod.

Sylvanas moved down the corrider and rounded the bend to find four scourge Cannon fodder.

"There's one set for stun," the leader said before a blaster shot hit the guy next to him in the gut. Then he fired off a blue wave and Sylvanas collapsed out cold.

"Well that went well," another muttered.

Meanwhile Illi-DAN and Kael-PO's pod launched and hurtled away from the ships. Aboard the Kolramas a fire control officer took aim but his superior put a hand on his shoulder.

"No life signs pal, hold fire." He ordered.

"What? Are we charging by the laser now? What if that thing has some bio plauge on it?" The officer demanded.

"Look man, you're not being genre savy. These are the movies, the good guy rebels never use germ weapons." The superior replied.

"Oh right," the other muttered.

Inside the escape pod Kael glanced up at the small window in the ceiling and frowned.

"Illli-DAN?" he asked.

"What?" Illi-DAN growled.

"Why is the window on the ceiling and not the floor? We're falling down." Kael pointed out.

"It's George Lucas Kael, not Ronald D. Moore," Illi-DAN growled.

"Oh right," Kael nodded.

Back aboard the Rebel ship the fight was over. The surviving soldiers were being lead away by Cannon Fodder and Sylvanas was lead to Arthas.

"Death Knight Arthas, only you'd be this full of yourself," Sylvanas growled.

"Your sharp tounge won't save you here Sylvanas, now tell me where you have hidden the plans to Naxrammas!" Arthas snapped.

Sylvanas sighed.

"Fine Arthas, you'll have to find it in one of these breif cases." She said pointing to a dozen or so girls in red dresses standing next to breif cases with numbers on them. "The Bank is willing to settle for two thousand dollars Arthas." She added.

"Okay, I'm feeling number seven! Let's see seven!" Arthas said excitedly.

The girl next to seven opened the case to reveal a five dollars marker.

"Oh its okay I'm just happy to be on TV," Arthas said nonchalantly. "Take her away boys."

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats were this first of hopefully five segments ends for this arc. What will happen to Kael-PO and Illi-DAN? Oh wait... everyones seen this movie. You already know what happens. Oh well read and review. **

**Also I acknowledged that I basically lambasted everything I could think of in Star Wars. Face it people, Star Wars tech is mostly horribly inefficent crap. **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Star Wars Arc part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Illi-DAN and Kael-PO's pod had crashed landed deep in the Tanaris desert. Now they were strolling/rolling away from the crash site with Kael jabbering the entire way.

"Okay who would you rather do? Archimonde the hut after a cold shower or a service droid?" He asked.

"Okay one Kael-PO that is disgusting and two my father was a service droid!" Illi-DAN snarled offened turning away from his friend.

"Hey Illi-DAN, where are you going?" Kael asked.

"Anywhere thats away from you you little bastard!" Illi-DAN snarled. "Kiss the lower part of the horned cylinder that is my body!"

Several hours later...

It was getting dark and Illi-DAN was rollling along the floor of a narrow canyon. Shadows leered from crevices and flickers of movement breifly caught Illi-DAN's attention. Illi-DAN gulped.

"Oh crap, calm down Illi-DAN. You haven't done anything that people weren't prepared for. What? A droid can't roll down the desert anymore? I have rights to!" He said trying to keep calm.

Suddenly a gnome with ion gun rose up and blasted him!

"HOLY SHIT!" Illi-DAN yelled before he was forced in emergency shut down.

More gnomes emerged from the shadows and picked him up.

Twenty minutes later...

"Oh god," Illi-DAN groaned turning back on. "That was the worst hangover ever."

"Hi Illi-DAN!" Kael said beside him.

Illi-DAN moaned.

"Why does god hate me so much?" He muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile in the real world...

Finally the RV pulled in at a hospital and Varian threw it into an unsettling park. Varian, Jaina, and Thrall rushed into lobby.

"We need some help!" Varian called.

"Look sir you have to sign in first," the clerk at the desk replied.

"We've got a friend who's unconsious with a concussion!" Thrall snapped.

"Your point?" The clerk asked.

"Tom Cruise kicked him in the head and now he's viewing a cheap Star Wars Parody using all of us!" Jaina snapped.

"Well why didn't you say so?" The clerk asked pressing a button. "Paramedics to the Parking Lot. Another celebrity injured someone."

* * *

Back in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

The gnome sand crawler began pulling up a small moisture farm. See there isn't a lot of water on the planet so they draw water from the air. The farm's main structures were mostly underground while the main equipment was on the surface. But its really not important.

The moisture farmer Renault Mograine strood out of the small house as the sand crawler drew closer. His nephew Anduin Wrynn, (who unlike his wow apperance is somehow in his late teens) came out to follow him. The gnomes parked the sand crawler and quickly set up shop.

"Okay lets see what these guys have got," Renault muttered.

"Anduin! Anduin!" Anduin's aunt Whitemane called.

Anduin muttered something under his breath before running to edge of the house pit where his aunt stood.

"What?" He called.

"Tell your uncle slash my boy toy not to tell you that Death Knight Arthas is your god father!" She replied.

"Aunt slash my uncles whore Whitemane when are you going to let me join the Argent Rebellion and fight the Scourge empire like all my friends?" He demanded.

"Oh get over those delusions and have some weird radioactive blue milk!" Whitemane said rolling her eyes.

"I am going to go join the rebellion!" Anduin shot back.

"Over my burned and hatless carcass!" Whiteman snapped.

"Oh get looted by a noobie dungeon group!" Anduin snapped.

"Anduin get your scrawny ass over here!" Renault shouted.

"Fine!" Anduin snapped.

Meanwhile by the crash site of the escape pod...

Scourge Cannon Fodder were scouring the area of the crashsite. One frowned under his helmet.

"Some one was in the pod, the tracks lead off in different directions," he muttered.

"Look sir droids!" One beside him said lifting up a part that might have fallen off either Kael or Illi-DAN.

"Look a copper!" A flamboyant one said next to him.

Several hours later...

Down in the farms machine shop Anduin was taking care of the two newest additions to the farms work force. Take a guess who they are.

"This oil bath is going to feel so good," Kael said happily as he was lowered into an oil path.

Anduin was futsing around with a model spaceship before he muttered a curse.

"This just isn't fair. All my pals have gone to fight the empire and I'm stuck here!" He muttered.

"Hey calm down kid," Illi-DAN muttered. "Just clean me up would you."

"Oh fine," Anduin muttered setting to work on Illi-DAN. Then he slid his cloth of over a switch and he fell back as a holographic Sylvanas appeared.

"Help me Velen-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. Alright now what do I click?" She said before she looped through again.

"I think its stuck," Anduin said turning it off. "She said Kenobi, maybe she means old Vel Kenobi."

Then he shrugged. "Oh well I'm gonna go shoot Basalisks in my T-16."

"Wait you kill small animals for fun?" Kael said.

"Well Basalisks are kinda big," Anduin admitted.

"Thats the first sign of a serial killer ya freak!" Illi-DAN snapped.

"There's two suns and no women what the hell AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?" Anduin snapped before storming out.

It was dark outside now and the sun light was dipping below the horizon. He stared out over desert flats into the sunset as slow dramatic music played.

"Some day I'm going to get off this rock and fight the empire," Anduin muttered.

The music began to reach a creshendo and Anduin smiled motioning to the players of the music.

"John Williams and the london sympthany orchestra!" He said motioning to said group who reached the absoulte highest point in the song before closing out of it.

"Now do the highbourne lament!" Anduin urged.

"Sorry kid we'd need a full choir and a banshee to do that number," John Williams replied.

"Damnit," Anduin muttered.

The next day Anduin was doing some minor work on a moisture vaporator. Suddenly Kael-PO came running out.

"Master Anduin he's gone!" Kael said terrified.

"What?" Anduin asked.

"Illi-DAN said he was going out for a smoke break last night and he never came back!" Kael-PO said dithering.

Anduin threw his cleaning rag on the desert floor.

"Oh what the Burning Crusade is that guys problem?!" Anduin demanded.

* * *

Meanwhile in real world...

Everyone was sitting silently in the hospital lobby.

"You know until this trip I never really gave Lor'themar more than a nod of respect and recognition," Thrall admited.

"Thrall don't start," Varian warned.

"And now his very life hangs in the balance," Thrall continued.

"Thrall we get it, we all feel bad about Lor'themar. The fact is that his character has barely been developed by Blizzard because they wanted to use Kael'thas as a raid and dungeon boss. People were hoping to have Kael'thas be their racial leader in the Burning Crusade when they signed on to play the Blood Elves. Instead they got Lor'themar who doesn't even have a very custom model, And Kael'thas had a famous voice actor for video games," Illidan dead panned.

"Technically I'm the only Racial leader with a custom model," Varian pointed out.

"Yes but all they did was make him taller and gave him a slightly different armor. The only time he's got a custom apperance is in the manga. Hell I didn't even know he was blind in one eye due to battle injury," Illidan continued.

"Odd we've been letting him drive with one eye," Tyrande noted.

"You know maybe we should talk to Blizzard about fixing up Lor'themar's model," Jaina suggested.

"Wait I'm the only character with a scared face though," Varian said alerted.

"Varian, guys out cold, he needs a break." Rhohin said deadpanned.

"Oh fine," Varian muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Anduin and Kael rode across the desert sand in Anduin's speeder. Kael looked rather uncomfortable.

"So...," Kael started. "You mind if I turn on the radio? I mean, I don't want to talk but..."

"Oh sure go ahead," Anduin said with a shrug.

Kael turned on the radio.

'_WTTI! Tanaris's all talk radio with Putress!_' The announcer.

_'My good friends, the liberal Galactic media is at it again, they never stop!'_ Putress explained. _'Now they're telling us that Dragon Blight's melting and as if that wasn't enough we have reports that Hauldron Brightwing has been named Govoner of the Netherstorm mining faciluty. I'll tell you what that is friends! Affermative action striking again. Time is eight fifty.'_

Ten minutes later in a mess of canyons they finally came upon Illi-DAN.

"Well now we've found you. Let's get out of here before any creepy old people show up." Anduin said.

Illi-DAN whistled and beeped in an annoying way.

"He says there are several creatures approaching from the southeast," Kael warned.

"I didn't say that! I was asking where I could find a damned coke machine on this planet your all out of it at the farm!" Illi-DAN snapped.

"Oh great now we've got to go check this out," Anduin muttered picking up a blaster rifle he'd brought with him.

Several minutes later Anduin and the others were set up on a ridge over looking a bowl. Anduin was using a pair of binoculars he'd brought with him to do some observing.

"Well I can see a lot of Kodo's down there but not any Sand Gnolls," Anduin reported. Then one entered his view and began milking a Kodo. "Scratch that I can see one!"

Then his vision was obscured by something and he looked up right into the face of Hogger!

"HOLY SHIT!! Illi-DAN yelled.

Anduin sprang to his feet grabbing his rifle but Hogger smashed it in half with a blow of his weapon as the two droids panicked and ran for it! Hogger slammed his weapon into Anduin's stomach knocking him to the ground out cold and howled his victory.

Then suddenly there came a loud wailing shreik! Hogger whirled about to see someone in robes approching.

"Shit! Ring wraith! I don't have the ring!" Hogger yammered before fleeing.

The robed figure reached the out cold Anduin and bent over him. Illi-DAN slowly extracated himself from the shadows.

"Who in Elune's name are you?" Illi-DAN asked.

Then the figure removed his hood to reveal himself to be a wizened old draenai. This is Velen-Wan Kenobei.

"One lucky son of a bitch," he said cheerily.

"Oh god! Get away from him you pedo!" Illi-DAN snarled!

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay theres the chapter cause I'm needing a break. Read and review. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Ranger24: This one is shiney.**

* * *

Chapter 16: Star Wars arc part 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain.

Some hours later at Velen-wan Kenobi's place Anduin, Kael-PO, Illi-DAN, and the old coot were sitting in his living room.

"So Anduin, what brings your muscly arms out this way?" Velen-wan asked.

"Well let me show you, play the film Illi-DAN," Anduin ordered.

"Oh play the film Illi-DAN! What am I? Your slave?" Illi-DAN demanded.

"Kinda," Anduin replied. "I do own you."

Illi-DAN muttered a curse.

"Okay fine," Illi-DAN growled.

Illi-DAN leaned over the table and turned on his hologram projector which showed Sylvanas again.

"General Velen, years ago you served my father in the war with the Warhammer fandom. Now he's asking for your help again." Then Sylvanas shifted uncomfortably. "And not to get to personal but you do owe us after that mess you got into back in Quel'thalas..."

Velen quickly hit the fast forward button. "Probably just logistical stuff I'll look over it later."

"What the logistics of how many little kids you shoved your..." Illi-DAN started but Kael shushed him.

Velen halted the fast forward.

"And we paid the families of those children to keep queit so I assume you'll help us out." Sylvanas said scowling slighty before regaining her composure. "I've placed the plans to Naxrammas inside this droid. Take them to my father on Quel'thalas. This our most desperate hour. Help me Velen-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

Then the message ended and Velen looked up.

"Anduin, you've got to learn the ways of the force and come with me to Quel'thalas," Velen said.

"What's the force?" Anduin asked.

"It's the ass pull mystical force that forces people to either be good or evil to use it. There really is only a small gray area." Velen replied opening up a small trunk and pulling out a thin metal tube. "Here try this out."

Anduin switched the metal tube out and out burst a blade of energy!

"Oh sweet!" Anduin said excitedly.

"Oh yeah thats your fathers energy sword," Velen replied.

"You knew my father?" Anduin asked.

"Yep, Varian Wrynn. A badass Jedi," Velen replied.

"How did he die?" Anduin asked.

Velen sighed.

"Long ago we meet a certian jackass known as Arthas. He was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil and slaughtered the Jedi." He explained.

"Oh well that sucks," Anduin muttered.

"You do know the Empires going to be looking for these droids?" Velen asked.

"Wait what?" Anduin said alarmed.

"Sure they can cease the sale records and trace who they sold us to," Kael'PO explained.

"Wait the would lead them back..." He rose to his feet. "Home." The he ran for the door.

"Anduin no!! It's to dangerous!" Velen called after him. Then he sat down and glanced at Illi-DAN. "Do you have any pudding cups?"

"No," Illi-DAN replied.

"Do you have any now?" Velen asked.

"NO!" Illi-DAN snapped.

* * *

Meanwhile in the real world...

"Excuse me," a nurse said beside Thrall. "The doctor says you can come on in now."

Everyone shuffled into Lor'themar's room to find him lying on the bed in a hospital gown being watched over by a scruffy looking guy with a cane in hand.

"You idiots his friends?" The man asked.

"Yes we are," Thrall replied.

"I'm doctor House," the doctor said. "Your friend is suffering what we call a movie coma."

"A what?" Jaina said incredulous.

"He was kicked in the head by a celebraty and thus is experinceing a movie inside his brain which shows everyone he knows in the roles of the characters." House answered.

"You're kidding," Tyrande said in disbelief.

"Nope," House replied. "He'll wake up when the movie's over and he'll be fine."

"So theres nothing we can do?" Varian asked.

"Yeah," House said before leaving.

"I love your show!" Kael'thas called after him.

* * *

Back in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Anduin pulled up his landspeeder outside the farm to see the place was a burning wreck. HE scrambled out hurridly.

"Aunt Whitemane! Uncle Mograine!" He called before he froze.

"Oh my god," he whispered.

Right in front of the farm door lay Whitemane and Mograine, and someone had looted Whitemane's hat. Then Anduin turned around and gasped.

"JOHN WILLIAMS!" He screamed.

There on the burning risers were corpses of the entire london sympathy orchestra.

Anduin sighed.

"Great, now we have to do the rest of this with Danny Elfmen," he growled turning about to see Danny Elfmen and his group who were already playing. Anduin promptly beheaded the conductor with his energy sword.

Meanwhile at the Scourge's new super massive battle station Naxrammas Arthas, Grand Moff Kel'Thuzad, and their officers and underlings where having a confrence meeting.

"This station is now fully operational and the ultimate power in the universe," Moff Dar'khan Darthir reported.

"Thats fantastic! So no weaknesses at all?" Arthas said cheerily.

"Well, yeah," Dar'khan replied.

"You kinda hesitated their for a minute, is their something I should know about?" Arthas asked.

"No it's like ninety nine point nine repeating impregnable." Dar'khan assured him.

"Okay really wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask what the point zero one is?" Arthas replied.

"Well theres this little hole, it was an asthetic choice by the archeitect, and if you shoot a missile down it... It might just blow the whole station up." Dar'khan explained.

Arthas's eye's widened in alarm.

"Whoa! That sounds like a pretty big design flaw!" He said hurridly.

"Oh its fine, its at the end of this long trench, its got gun turrets around it, and its like only two meters wide." Dar'khan replied reassuringly.

"Two meters is like seven feet," Kel'thuzad noted.

"Well couldn't we put some ply wood or something on it?" Arthas asked.

"Well that would look terrible," Dar'khan said offened. "I mean we gotta think about resale value!"

"Resale value? What are you talking about this property is right over sunset the value is only going to go up!" Arthas snapped.

Dar'khan narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"You fool, your market refrences have turned a prophet on that condo on..."

Suddenly Arthas raised a hand and used Death grip on Dar'khan's throat.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing. That propert is prime location! Twenty minutes to the beach, Twenty minutes to downtown!"

"There's nothing to do down town!" Dar'khan gasped.

"Enough of this!" Kel'thuzad snapped. "Arthas release him!"

"Fine," Arthas muttered letting go of Dar'khan who relaxed panting heavily.

"So we're going to get that hole fixed up?" Arthas asked.

"Sure if price is no object," Baron Rivendare replied.

Arthas looked slightly uncomfortable.

"We'll get estimates," Rivendare assured.

"Okay good," Arthas said nodding.

Meanwhile back on Tanaris Anduin, Velen, Kael-PO, and Illi-DAN pulled up the speeder just a top an outcropping over looking a large town.

"Gadget sand spaceport, you will never find a more find a more wretched hive of scum and villany." Velen extrapolated.

"Hey thats my joke," a night elf druid snapped.

Twenty minute later they were in the town waiting in line to get into a club, which had Cannon Fodder out front. Anduin muttered a curse.

"We don't have any chicks with us," He growled. "Its always easier to get in to these kinda places when you've got chicks with you."

Velen gulped. "Really? I didn't know that."

They reached the front of the line and the cannon fodder raised a hand.

"Sorry pal, private party today." He said.

Velen waved a hand. "I'm a friend of David Nobar."

"Your a friend of David Nobars," the Cannon Fodder repeated.

"You saw me here last week I seem like a cool dude," Velen continued.

"I saw you here last week, you seem like a cool dude." The Cannon Fodder repeated.

"Move along," Velen finished.

"Move along, move along," The Cannon Fodder said stepping aside to let them in.

Inside the bar music rolled about and people sat about having their drinks.

Velen went to look for a pilot, Kael and Illi-DAN were kicked out for being robots, and Anduin went up to the bar. Then the guy next to him shoved him.

"He doesn't like you," The guy with guy who shoved him.

"Sorry," Anduin muttered.

"I don't like you either," guy growled.

"You don't even know me!" Anduin snapped.

The guy sighed. "You know what? Thats fair. My name is Myrel and this is my brother in law Maraad. He's visiting from Hoth."

"I don't see why they call it Hoth, they should call it Coldth," Maraad muttered.

"Hey take it easy man," Myrel warned.

"I'm up after the band," Maraad replied jerking his thumb at the Level 70 Elite Tauren Cheiftans.

Meanwhile with Illi-DAN and Kael-PO the two were standing outside a janitors closet for a set of bathrooms. Kael glanced down the streets.

"Uh oh," He muttered.

"What?" Illi-DAN growled.

"Those guys in white are closing," Kael-PO replied.

"Shit! Quick into the closet!" Illi-DAN said before they slipped into the the closet and Illi-DAN locked the door.

The Cannon Fodder bangged on the door.

"It's locked," the one who knocked said.

"Maybe you should call and see if anyones home?" The other suggested.

"Bill, its a jaintors closet. Who'd hide in there?" The first one demanded.

"Fine," the second one growled before they moved on.

Meanwhile back inside the bar Velen and Anduin sat at table.

"Hi there, my friend and I need a ship to take us to Quel'thalas," Velen said brightly.

The man they were talking to smirked.

"Well your in luck, the names Lor'themar Solo." Lor'themar said. "I'm captian of the SS _Mcbadass _and the only actor who's carrear didn't tank after this movie series." The he motioned to the big green skinned guy beside him. "And this is my co pilot Thrall."

"Is the_ Mcbadass _a fast ship?" Anduin asked.

"Are you kidding? Its the ship that made the Shadowmoon run in less than twelve parsecs," Lor'themar replied confidently.

"Isn't a Parsec a measure of distance not time?" Anduin asked.

"Kid George Lucas wrote this movie, it's not meant to make sense." Lor'themar growled. "Thrall take these two to the ship and get her ready."

Thrall roared mightly before spitting into a cup next to him.

"Always gargel before a take off," Thrall said. "Helps with the congestion."

"How could you get congestion from space flight?" Anduin asked.

"Because shut up," Thrall growled before leading them away.

Lor'themar stood up only to be confronted by a winged and hoofed guy who had a drawn gun in hand.

"Going somewhere Solo?" The guy asked.

"Yes Varimathras, I was just going to go see your boss," Lor'themar replied sitting down. "Tell Archimonde I've got the money."

"Sorry pal but you're times run out," Varimathras replied sitting down across from him. "Archimonde has grown impatient. He's distant but he's very pissed about you and your whole blowing him off on the money you owe him."

Suddenly Lor'themar yanked out his own weapon and blasted Varimathras in the heart.

"Aw crap..." Varimathras groaned before he collapsed dead.

"How come you're weapon has so much power?" Myrel asked.

"It's modified and isn't just some holdout pistol," Lor'themar replied before leaving.

Twenty minutes later in some hanger bay, Thrall lead Anduin, Velen, Illi-DAN, and Kael-PO inside to reveal a ship shaped like a manhole with the Cockpit off to the side and a two forward appenadges. Underneath by the loading ramp Lor'themar stood grinning.

"So what do you think?" He asked.

"What a peice of junk!" Anduin explained.

"Thanks this was my brothers. He died of Lukemia, how does that make you feel?" Lor'themar dead panned.

"So are we good to go?" Illi-DAN asked.

"Sure, heck I can show you around since no one is shooting at us or trying to stop us." Lor'themar replied.

Suddenly a half dozen cannon fodder rushed in.

"Stop that ship! Blast 'em!" The leader shouted before the opened fire. Lor'themar pulled out his pistol and began returning fire.

"Opps! Nevermind," he said. "Everyone get on board!"

The group scrambled aboard and Lor'themar finally rushed up the ramp and into the cockpit. The _SS McBadass_ took to the sky and shot away from the planet. In the cockpit Lor'themar checked the scanners.

"Ah crap looks we got two Imperial cruisers closing in on us," He muttered. Then he scowled.

"Oh look at that one!" He said in annoyance.

"Yeah," Thrall growled. "Get off your cell phone jerk you're driving!"

The two crusiers closed in firing their heavy cannons trying to land a crippling shot. Anduin and Velen rushed into the cockpit.

"What the hell man! I thought you said this ship was fast." Anduin snapped.

"Watch your mouth kid, we'll be safe enough when we get to lightspeed. Besides I know a few manuvers we'll lose them." Lor'themar shot back.

The _McBadass _jinked left.

Anduin glanced at Lor'themar.

"Thats it?" He asked. "That was your manuver?"

"Well we're not in the same place," Lor'themar admitted sheepishly.

"Yeah but all you did was drift slightly to the left, I'm pretty sure they can keep up." Anduin replied.

Meanwhile on the Scourge cruiser...

"Where'd they go?!" The captian demanded panicking.

"There they are sir! Their drifting to the left!" The officer next to him replied.

"Go left go left!" The Captian called to the navigator.

"Boy this guy sure knows some manuvers," The officer muttered.

Back on the _McBadass..._

"Okay I'm making the jump get back and strap yourselves in!" Lor'themar ordered.

Anduin and Velen rushed back and strapped themselves in while Kael turned green in the face.

"Oh man..." He groaned before pulling open Illi-DAN's dome and puking.

"OH GOD DAMN YOU KAEL-PO!" Illi-DAN roared in fury.

Then finally the ship jumped to hyperspace.

In the cockpit Lor'themar frowned.

"God, hyperspace is always so freaky," he muttered.

Outside the opening to Doctor Who palyed annoyingly.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats this chapter next time its the first of two parts to the death star. Read and review. **


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 18: Starwars arc part 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Oh god this is boreing," Varian groaned as they sat around Lor'themar's bed. "Couldn't we go a see a movie or something while we wait?"

"True but who knows how long Lor'themar's movie coma will last?" Tyrande asked.

"I don't know but this boreing the hell out of me!" Varian snarled.

"Oh calm down Varian," Jaina muttered fliking through a magazine.

"Oh shut up you freaking bimbo!" Varian snapped. Then he froze as Jaina dropped her magazine. "Oh shit I didn't mean that..." He started but Jaina had already brust into tears and run out of the room.

Thrall rose to his feet and glared at Varian.

"Where do you get off?" He growled.

"Oh and what are you going to do?" Varian demanded. "Not like you guys aren't already occasionally sharing the same bed!"

Thrall blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Wait so we're only now addressing the Thrall and Jaina pairing?" Magni said incredulous.

"I guess so," Carine said with a shrug.

"What pairing?" Thrall demanded.

"Thrall haven't you ever looked up any of the fan art of you and Jaina?" Rhonin asked.

"Once or twice why?" Thrall asked.

"Okay have you ever search yourself and Jaina on a fanfiction site?" Vereesa asked.

"Not really," Thrall replied.

"Thrall mon, let me spell it out for ja mon," Vol'jin said. "Most people's tink ja and missy Proudmoore be makin da sexy."

"What?" Thrall asked.

"Most people think you and Jaina are secretly in love with eachother you big green moron!" Illidan snapped.

"What? No we aren't!" Thrall said suprised.

"Thats not what the fan base thinks." Sylvanas replied.

"Look we're just friends, she's had enough relationship trouble to have to put up with me." Thrall said. "I mean Arthas turned evil and she's still kinda hung up on him. Then Kael'thas turned insane, evil, and stupid."

"Hey I'm not stupid!" Kael'thas snapped.

"Kael'thas who's the vice President?" Illidan asked.

"Hilary Clinton," Kael'thas answered.

"Joe Biden," Magni corrected.

"Eh close enough," Kael'thas said with a shrug.

"Look what I'm saying is even if I was interested in a deeper relationship with Jaina I'd respect her personal choice on whether or not she wanted to throw the dice with another relationship." Thrall finished. "I'm more like the shoulder thats willing to be cried on when she has a 'Why Arthas? Why?' attack."

"You know thats actually rather nice of you," Rhonin admited.

"What do you expect? He's the Hordes golden boy," Sylvanas muttered.

Thrall sighed and stood up. "I'll see if I can find Jaina and calm her down."

"Right you do that lover boy," Illidan snickered.

"Oh screw you with a giant silver dildo!" Thrall snapped.

"Yeah to late, Maiev already did that... Several times..." Illidan muttered.

Everyone looked utterly disgusted at this.

"Look, most night elf men take a couple thousand year long naps regularly! She kinda got a little well... Lets just say she likes to do Dominatrix." Illidan said sheepishly.

"Oh thats disgusting!" Varian said looking revolted.

* * *

Meanwhile in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Onboard _Naxxramas _Sylvanas was lead into the main control center where Kel'Thuzad and Arthas were waiting. She glared at them.

"Govoner Kel'thuzad, I should have recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board." She siad tersely.

"Actually thats me," Arthas corrected. "My cologne Died on me. My Deoderant kicked the Bucket. My pits have gone over to the darkside."

Everyone stared at him.

Arthas shrugged and pulled out a note pad. "I've got pages of these man. I could keep going."

"Right well," Kel'Thuzad huffed. "Princess Sylvanas we've decided to give you a little ulitmatum."

"And that would be?" Sylvanas asked.

"Either you give us the location of the Argent Rebellion's base or we'll test out the Naxrammas Planet-blower-upper-gun on your home Planet of Quel'thalas." Kel'thuzad said motion to a view screen which flicked on to show Quel'thalas.

"You'll what?!" Sylvanas said horrified.

"Look we're the stereotypical evil Empire. This is what we do," Kel'thuzad replied.

"Okay they're on Alterac!" Sylvanas said down faced.

"Alright then lets light this candle," Kel'thuzad said happily.

"What?!" Sylvanas said even more horrified.

"Look we kinda have to do it. We're evil." Kel'thuzad said annoyed.

"No!" Sylvanas said struggling against her captives.

Kel'thuzad glanced at Arthas.

"She said no. Should we still do it?" Kel'thuzad whispered.

Arthas stared at him as though he was sure Kel'thuzad was kidding.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"Okay boys blow that sucker up!" Kel'thuzad ordered.

In the fire control center the officers set to work quickly.

"We're a chargin our lazor!" The commander proclaimed.

"Do you always have to do that?" One of his underlings asked.

"Yes! Yes I do!" The commander snapped.

Then _Naxxramas_ fired and in a single shot blew away the hapless world of Quel'thalas. Sylvanas gasped in horror.

Meanwhile on _SS McBadass_...

Velen was training Anduin in the ass pull power of the force when suddenly his blue face grew pale. He sat him self down and Anduin looked at him concerned.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I felt a great distrubance in the force. As if some hapless planet was just obliterated in a single shot. And it was plot important." Velen answered.

Then he stood up. "Anyways back to your training kid."

At that moment Lor'themar came on back.

"Hey guys just here to show just how much of a like able jerk my character is and to tell you we should be coming up on Quel'thalas soon." Lor'themar said taking a seat as Velen tossed a little probe into the air which fired of a bolt which Anduin deflected slugishly.

"Trust your feelings." Velen said.

"How's that going..." Anduin started but then the probe zapped him on the hand and with a yelp of pain he dropped it hollering in pain. Lor'themar laughed.

"Hooky religons and anceint legends really suck when put up against a simple gun," He commented. "I mean its not like those energy blades can turn into super cool weapons if you know there name and if you yell out Bankia they change your outfit and become even cooler."

Velen shifted uncomfortably at this and Lor'themar blinked in shock.

"Your shitting me," he said.

"Well Lightsabers are kinda over rated so we kinda went more Zampaktoish." Velen admited.

"So your telling me that the writers nicked something from Bleach?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Yep," Velen replied.

Suddenly a little warning light begin flashing.

"Well thats the signal we're coming up on Quel'thalas," Lor'themar rising to his feet and heading into the cockpit. Once there he took his seat along with Thrall while Anduin and Velen followed them in.

"Dropping out now," Lor'themar said pulling back a switch.

They emerged from the Doctor Who opening theme and suddenly found themselves in an asteroid feild!

"Oh what the hell!" Lor'themar snarled grabbing the controls.

"Where's the planet?" Anduin asked.

"Oh gee I don't know! Maybe these giant floating rocks could give a hint!" Lor'themar snapped.

"Quel'thalas has been destroyed by the Scourge," Thrall said calmly.

Suddenly a small Scourge TIE fighter shot past them.

"Shit they followed us!" Anduin yelled.

"No, thats a short range fighter." Velen replied.

"They've got to have a base around here, its probably going there right now," Thrall noted.

"Thrall jam his comms, I'm not letting him get away." Lor'themar growled.

The _Mcbadass_ tore after the small TIE fighter which was closing in on a nearby shape.

"Look it's heading for that small moon," Anduin pointed.

"I thing I can get him before he reaches it," Lor'themar said hands going to the weapon controls. Then he froze as the object came into clearer view.

"Thats no moon," Velen whispered. "Thats a space station."

Right ahead of them was the lumbering _Naxxramas_.

Suddenly the _McBadas_s jerked violently.

"Ah crap they've got us in a tractor beam!" Lor'themar reported.

"Get us free!" Anduin said alarmed.

"I'm doing all I can kid but they've got us to tight, I'll have to power us down." Lor'themar replied. "Besides I'm not going down without a fight."

The Naxrammas loomed closer and closer as they began to move slowly towards one of its hanger bays.

"You can't win, but there are alternatives to fighting," Velen said wisely.

"Like what?" Anduin asked.

"Like getting the hell outta here!" Velen said in panicking voice before he ran out of the cockpit. Then he came back in smiling.

"I'm just kidding, can you imagen if I was like that?" Velen askeed jovially.

Guns were trained on the _McBadass_ as it was slowly brought into the _Naxxramas_ and touched down in the hanger. As it did dozens of Cannon Fodder rushed into the hanger weapons ready. Minutes later Arthas entered just as the perliminary search was completed. The head cannon fodder rushed to meet him by the loading ramp.

"There's no one onboard sir. Ships log says that they abandoned ship just after take off, all the escape pods were gone as well." He reported.

"Did you find any droids?" Arthas asked.

"No sir, if there were any onboard they'd most likely be turned off." The cannon fodder replied.

"Send the search teams in. I want it completely turned over," Arthas ordered.

"Yes sir!" The cannon fodder replied snapping off a salute. Arthas turned away and frowned.

"Somethin' 'bout this doesn't seem right," he muttered leaving.

As he did the search crew of two moved aboard carrying a trunk loaded with sensor becons and such.

Suddenly there was a heavy thud that caused the two cannon fodder to glance up the ramp in concern.

"Hey you mind giving us a hand with this thing?" Someone asked from inside.

With a shrug the two cannon fodder went aboard. Then there were two loud quick shots and two thuds.

Meanwhile in the main hanger observation chamber the deck officer was throwing a tirade at his underlings.

"What do you mean they haven't reported in yet?!" He demanded.

"Look sir they just haven't sent a message since the guards went inside the ship," The underling replied.

"Maybe they're having comms problems?" Another suggested.

"Hey look there's one of the guards!" The first underling said pointing down as a Cannon Fodder emerged from the _SS Mcbadass_.

The officer frowned and made for the door. When he opened it however he found Thrall waiting for him!

"Holy shit!" He screamed like a little girl before Lor'themar leapt out from behind Thrall and gunned down everyone in the room. Then they all rushed inside Anduin bringing up the rear.

"Okay were all clear on the misson objectives?" Lor'themar asked.

"Wer'e going to go rescue the princes while the old guy goes and disables the tractor beam." anduin replied.

"Okay then, lets roll people, Big Bang's on tonight." Lor'themar said standing up.

* * *

**Ranger24: Yep thats all for now folks. Happy holidays and Read and review.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Ranger24: New chapter folks.**

* * *

Chapter 18: Part four...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

In the real world...

Thrall made his way up the stair case to the roof of the hospital. He opend the door at the top and came out on a roof normally reserved for emegency helicopters but here Jaina had come to pour her tears out to the wind.

She sat at the edge of the roof string out at the setting sun. Thrall sighed and sat on down beside her.

"Hey," he said gruffly.

"How's Lor'themar?" Jaina asked choking slightly.

"Same as ever," Thrall replied. "Doctor House plugged something into his head and now the others are watching his movie coma."

"What movie is it?" Jaina asked.

"Well Sylvanas is relieved it wasn't Titanic," Thrall joked.

The Jaina's lip trembled and then she broke out into tears and sobs and threw herself on Thrall's shoulder.

"A shit," Thrall muttered. "I forgot you saw that Movie with Arthas."

"Why did Blizzard have to make him go evil?" Jaina cried.

Thrall sighed and patted her on the back, gently enough not to bruise her.

"Look Jaina, Blizzard really just likes Arthas as a bad guy, seriously guy's gotten how much media attention? His own Novel? His own patch? His own Raid with three side dungeons? Seriously, he even got a major role in Martin Falch's Machinama." Thrall said comforting.

"Yeah but still," Jaina sobbed.

"Look, you over play Warhammer 40k?" Thrall asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Jaina demanded.

"Think back to Stratholme," Thrall continued. "There was a line in Dawn of War that comes to muy mind about that assault on Stratholme."

"And that is?" Jaina asked.

"It takes either steel or rot to purge your own people," Thrall replied. "Arthas may have seen it as him doing the right thing and admittedly he had no choice. Purging Stratholme, though terrible made sense to him. For a tactical perspective he was trying to contain the fire by killing its fuel. But he probably didn't notice the danger eating at himself. His focus on the outward rather than searching himself left him vulnerable."

Thrall sighed. "I had only seen him once before the events of the argent Tournament, when I was still Blackmoore's slave. I didn't know him as you did. Blackmoorse told me to show him the utmost respect. Taretha, told me that he was kind to her. The two persona's hardly match up."

"Yeah he was good," Jaina whispered wiping away a tear.

"And also Rhonin said that you'd run into him in the upcoming Ice crown Citadel Dungeons. For the Allaince at least," Thrall added.

"Really?" Jaina asked looking up.

"Yeah," Thrall answered. "Come on, or we're going to miss the fun stuff down stairs."

---------------

In Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Inside Naxrammas Lor'themar, Anduin, and Thrall made their way through the corrrider's packed with Scourge. Lor'themar and Anduin were still disguised as cannon fodder while Thrall was manacled and pretending to be a prisoner. They paused at a pair of elevators.

"Okay so what floor are we on?" Lor'themar asked checking the handy wall map.

"Well we parked on the Macy's side I think," Thrall muttered.

"The first floor seems more mens stuff though there is a Ladies foot locker," Anduin noted.

"Anyone see a sign around here? They don't have one of those 'you are here' dots on this thing?" Lor'themar asked.

"Well theres a Radio Shack over there," Anduin said jerking his thumb at the store.

"Alright so were's that?" Lor'themar asked.

"Fourth floor," Thrall reported.

"Okay and the princess is on the twenty first floor?" Lor'themar checked.

"Yep," Anduin replied.

"Okay let's go then," Lor'themar muttered hitting the call button.

They waited about a minute until the elevator arrivedand them clambered into it. The door closed and they waited listening to the elevator music which was basically the WOW menu screen music. The Lift suddenly stopped to admit two other cannon fodder and Anduin gulped.

"Oh crap," he muttered.

"Calm down kid, just play it cool," Lor'themar hissed.

"Sup?" One of the cannon fodder asked.

"Its all good, how you doin'?" Lor'themar asked.

"Yo man its been shit, been pull in double shifts man," the cannon fodder said shaking his head.

"Spell it brother," Lor'themar nodded.

"Damn Death knight needs ta give a brother a coffee break you hear?" The Cannon fodder said sadly.

"I dig brother, I dig." Lor'themar nodded.

The door opened and the cannon fodder stepped out.

"Peace brother," he nodded.

"Leets," Lor'themar answered.

Then the lift doors closed and Anduin stared at him.

"How in the hell did you do that?" He demanded.

"What you talking 'bout Willis?" Thrall demanded.

Anduin shook his head in annoyance.

"Nevermind," he muttered.

The lift finally reached the top and opened up onto the prison block security station. The lead officer turned to face them and took one look at Thrall.

"Where in the hell are you taking that thing?" He demanded.

"Oh so now I'm a thing?" Thrall growled.

"Prisoner transfer from cell block 1128," Lor'themar replied ignoring Thrall.

"Yeah, you think I can get a room by the pool?" Thrall asked.

The officer lauhed drawing the attention of his commerades.

"Oh thats hilarious! He thinks its a hotel! But its not a hotel its a massive Battle station Necropolis," he said stating the obvious.

Lor'themar sighed. "Okay you know what let's just shot them."

"Okay," Anduin said with a shrug before the two of them opened fire! Thrall grabbed a rather large rifle and began blasting out the security camera's and the alarms while Lor'themar and Anduin gunned down the guards and the officers.

Finally when the last one fell Lor'themar rushed over to the control console.

"Okay lets see which cell this princess is in," he muttered pressing a few buttons.

"Here we go, cell 87." He reported.

"I'm on it!" Anduin said rushing down the cell block.

Lor'themar then noticed the comms system beeping. He yanked off his helmet and took the seat.

"Umm... Situation normal here," he said quickly.

"_What happened?" _Asked the dispatcher.

"We had a slight weapons malfunction but were fine here now," there was an akward paused before Lor'themar frowned. "How are you?" He asked.

The dispatcher sighed.

"_I've been better_," he admitted.

"Well tell me what's going on maybe I can help," Lor'themar suggested.

"_Well I'm in this relationship but I really don't feel like we're connecting_." The dispatcher replied.

"How longs it been?" Lor'themar asked.

"_Around six months," _the dispatcher answered.

"And how often do you see eachother?" Lor'themar asked.

"_Couple times a month_," The dispatcher answered.

"Well how about you try seeing eachother a bit more and see if that helps otherwise it might be time to move on," Lor'themar said before leaning back in his chair. "This is Lor'themar Solo and I'm taking calls all night long here on the midnight shift. Up next we got, 'Living for a moment'."

Meanwhile down the corrider Anduin reached the cell in question and opened it up. Sylvanas gave him one look over and raised an eyebrow.

"Aren't you a little young to be Cannon fodder?" She asked.

"Well stay here and rot then ya stuck up bitch," Anduin replied turning to leave.

"Wait who are you?" Sylvanas asked.

Anduin removed his helmet.

"I'm Anduin Skywalker, I'm here with Velen Kenobi." He replied.

"Velen Kenobi?" Sylvanas said suprised.

"Yeah suddenly I'm just some punk anymore eh?" Anduin mocked.

"Oh shut up," Sylvanas growled.

As they stepped out into the prison corrider however they found Lor'themar and Thrall engaged in battle with several cannon fodder. Anduin threw himself into cover firing his blaster while Sylvanas ducked behind him, being weaponless.

"Okay how the hell did this happen?!" Anduin demanded.

"I told some girl that she needed to stop calling my about how much she doesn't think her boy friend doesn't appreciate the Twilight movies," Lor'themar explained.

"Well this is just perfect," Sylvanas snapped. "You really had this pretty well planned out didn't you?"

"No need for sarcasm your royal pain in the ass!" Lor'themar snapped.

"Sorry he gets that way around royalty," Thrall apologized.

"Well screw this!" Sylvanas growled snatching Anduin's gun from him and firing on a garbage chute. Thankfully at literally point blank range the weapon's blast connected with a significantly more explosive force. Hole blasted open Sylvanas tossed Anduin his weapon back.

"Come on! Into the garbage chute," she said before jumping into the hole.

"Oh this is going to go well," Anduin muttered before jumping in as well.

"Crazy bitch is right, come on Thrall!" Lor'themar said motioning to the hole.

"What are you nuts? That things probably got more diesease in it then a four dollar hooker," Thrall objected.

"Well what if I pulled out this here copy of 'Live free or die hard' in there?" Lor'themar asked pulling out the dvd.

"Oh thats not fair you know I can't resist Bruce Willis," Thrall growled.

"Go get it!" Lor'themar yelled tossing it into the garbage chute.

"Oh fuck you!" Thrall yelled before diving into the garbage chute.

Lor'themar fired off two more shots both of which missed before he jumped into the chute himself. Half a second later he crashed into a huge pile of crap. The room was filled with scrap metal and other junk the Scourge had no real use for. He pulled himself out of the pile and glared at Sylvanas.

"Oh gee smart plan, jump into the garbage chute," He growled.

"Well at least it can't get any worse," Sylvanas said apologetically.

"Oh you just had to jinx it," Thrall groaned.

Suddenly something shifted and everyone instantly went on alert.

"Yep its worse," Lor'themar muttered.

Then the walls began to creep slowly towards them!

"Oh shit we're in a trash compacter!" Anduin yelled.

With screams of alarm everyone rushed to do what ever they could to slow the compacters progress.

Meanwhile back in the security room Kael-P0 and Illi-DAN could here the terrifed screaming.

"Oh my god, Illi-DAN! They're getting killed in there! What do we do?!" Kael asked.

Illi-DAN sighed.

"Only one thing to do. You still have that bag I gave you?" Illi-DAN asked.

Kael nodded and pulled out the bag of weed.

Back in the trash compactor the attempts to stall it were failing. The powerfull motors that drove the walls together broke anything that they tried to wedge between the walls.

Meanwhile back in the security room Illi-DAN and Kael-P0 were sitting up against a wall totally stoned.

"So you think the Scourge is really going to fall?" Illi-DAN asked.

"I... I don't know man," Kael replied slowly.

"I could really go for some Tanaris, Wind, and Fire right now," Illi-DAN observed. "How you holding up?"

"I don't... I think I'm having a mini freak out here," Kael shivered.

"Whats wrong?" Illi-DAN asked.

"Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room," Kael said quickly.

"What?"

"Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room!" Kael repeated panicking.

"You don't have to stay in this room," Illi-DAN said simply.

Kael gave a sigh of relief and his head pressed down upon a small button.

Back in the trash compactor everyone was within about three feet of being crushed to death when suddenly the walls stopped. Then the walls began to pull back and the group gave out cheers and sighs of relief.

"Crap that was close," Lor'themar muttered.

Anduin nodded then frowned and picked up a pizza box.

"Who throws out half a pizza?" He asked. "These guys are really wastefull."

"And look at this couch!" Lor'themar said pointing to a red Love seat. "Some one threw out a whole couch and its in great shape."

"Yeah," Thrall agreed. "I'm mean, do a little patch work and spray some fabreeze on it. Would look great in your living room."

"You know, I know we have an important mission to complete and all but... I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch," Lor'themar said simply.

Two minutes later Lor'themar and Anduin were trying to get couch through the small service door.

"Okay on three," Lor'themar said. "One, two, three!"

Then Anduin pulled on it.

"No wait stop!" Lor'themar said. "Try to leevel it out a bit."

"Level it out? The hell are you talking about?" Anduin demanded.

"Just lower it a bit okay," Lor'themar ordered.

Anduin lowered it.

"No to much!" Lor'themar said. "To low!"

"To low?! It was hardly even near the floor!" Anduin snapped.

"Okay just set it down," Lor'themar ordered. Then he and Anduin set the couch down.

"Look Lor'themar, there are Cannon Fodder all over this place we really can't wait for this," Sylvanas pointed out.

"Okay I think I've got it," Lor'themar said ignoring the comment of Sylvanas. "Let's take the cushions out, unscrew the legs, and carry it out in peices."

Everyone simply stared at him.

"What?" He said with a shrug.

* * *

"I can't believe he made my son Luke Skywalker," Varian commented.

"I can't believe he's so conceited he'd make himself Han Solo," Illidan commented.

"I can't believe its not butter mon," Vol'jin added.

"Oh would you stop that?" Thrall snapped as he passed Sylvanas the pop corn.

"Anyone else think this is rather ridiculous?" Tyrande asked.

Everyone stared at her.

"Tyrande, everything we've done so far has been utterly ridiculous," Carine huffed. "I can hardly believed you only just noticed."

"I wonder why Vereesa and I haven't gotten roles yet?" Rhonin said.

"I'm pretty sure they're important roles," Jaina replied dismissively.

"Would you be queit? We're missing the movie," Doctor House snapped taking the pop corn from Sylvanas.

* * *

Back in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Velen slipped down the corriders of Naxrammas fully alert. He'd already deactivated the tractor beam so now he just had to get back to the ship and...

"So we meet again Velen wan Kenobi," Arthas said behind him.

Velen turned drawing his weapon and flicking it on. Arthas stood at the other end of the hall with Frostmourne drawn.

"When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master," Arthas stated.

Velen switched on his sword and it flashed to life.

"Oh please!" Arthas laughed. "You expect to beat me with out even using your Shikia? Or is your blade just as weak as you?"

Velen sighed and ran a hand over his blade. "Stand Argus," he procalimed.

Then his blade flashed and its blade transformed into a violet crystal with a golden hilt.

"You're only a master of evil Arthas," Velen said before he and Arthas clashed blades feircly. This was not however eithers finest duel. Both had some infirmaty, Velen his age and Arthas the lack of living tissue. Still however they struckat one another heavy blows to the point there battle was pretty close to the Hanger where the _SS Mcbadass_ was docked.

As they did however neither of them noticed Anduin, Sylvanas, Illi-DAN, and Kael-P0 ener the hanger. Behind them Thrall and Lor'themar lugged the couch's main frame where as Illi-DAN had the legs tied to him and Kael had the cushions.

"Okay go go!" Lor'themar hissed as he and Thrall rushed up the _Mcbadass'_s loading ramp with the couch.

"Velen?" Anduin said pausing to watch the fight as were some third of a dozen cannon fodder. Illi-DAN and Kael-P0 rushed up the ramp with the legs and cushions as Lor'themar clambered out.

"The hells taking you so long?" Lor'themar snapped.

Then Velen glanced into the hanger and spotted Anduin. He smiled raising his sword to just in front of himself. Then Arthas swung a final blow and it connected with Velen's chest but Velen vanished!

"NO!" Anduin yelled.

This finally however alerted the cannon fodder to their presence! The cannon fodder opened up and in a fury Anduin returned fire!

"Shit!" Lor'themar shouted firing himself as Sylvanas ducked for cover behind a support for the loading ramp on the _Mcbadass_.

Anduin and Lor'themar managed to gun down three of the four cannon fodder but as they killed them they could see more coming towards the hanger.

"Lock the door kid!" Lor'themar yelled.

Anduin fired another shot which destroyed the door controls. The doors to the hanger sealed shut and Lor'themar and Sylvanas retreated onto the _Mcbadass_.

Then Anduin thought he heard Velen speak in his mind.

'Run Anduin run,' Velen whispered.

Cursing himself he rushed up the ramp of the _Mcbadass_ which closed behind him.

In the _Mcbadass'_s cockpit Thrall had been setting up the couch and starting up the ship at the same time. Lor'themar rushed in and threw himself into the pilots chair.

"Okay, better hope the old man disabled the tractor beam or we're fucked, hit it!" He ordered.

The_ Mcbadass_ lifted off and shot out of Naxrammas.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay calling it quits on this chapter. Hopefully this shouldn't take more than two more chapters. Then we can get to the actual plot. Read and review. **


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Part six.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"God how I wish we really could do that with Velen," Varian muttered.

"Yes but then we'd be a man short on the bowling team," Magni pointed out.

"True enough," Varian sighed.

"Well I hope Lor'themar gets up, or else our bowling team will be a man short," Cairne huffed.

"Yeah then we'll have to use Garrosh," Thrall muttered.

"And hows he?" Jaina asked.

"Well he's a decent enough bowler but he has a problem with being polite to the losing team," Thrall replied remembering the previous time they'd let Garrosh bowl with them.

------------------

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Anduin, Sylvanas, Kael-P0, and Illi-DAN sat silently around a table in the back of the Mcbadass moping.

"I can't believe he's gone," Anduin whispered.

"Look kid, I'm sorry but I guess it was his time to go. Besides he got beheaded thats instant death," Sylvanas said sadly.

"Not really, I heard some guys live a few seconds longer," Kael-P0 pointed out. "I really can't think of a worse hell though."

"And not to pour salt on the wounds but Hell is probably where he ended up seeing as how Christian's aren't to big on the whole Force thing," Illi-DAN added.

At that moment Lor'themar rushed back looking serious.

"Come on kid, we're not out of the woods yet," Lor'themar said before clambering up a ladder to the gun turrets. Anduin muttered a curse running to the ladder as well and climbing down it. Sylvanas rushed to the cockpit while Illi-DAN and Kael-P0 just sat there.

"So, another game of yatzee?" Kael asked.

"Eh what the hell," Illi-DAN muttered.

Lor'themar and Anduin took their seats in the gun turrets.

"Here they come!" Lor'themar alerted.

As if on cue a flight of Scourge TIE's flew at them guns blazing! Action music began playing while Anduin and Lor'themar opened fire with the ships guns. They unfortunatly missed which is pathetic since once more they were moving at WWII speeds.

"There coming in to fast!" Anduin yelled from his gun turret.

In his gun turret Lor'themar sighed.

"Nickle for every time thats happened," he muttered.

The ship shuddered as it took a hit. "Just keep shooting Anduin!"

Back in the hold the scrabble cup fell of the table and broke.

"Awe man, I was winning that time." Kael said sadly.

Illi-DAN muttered a crurse, rushed to a window, threw it open, and then waited for a TIE to pass. As one did he pulled out a .44 calibur Mangum and opened fire. The fragile small ship was powerless against the most powerfull hand gun in the world and exploded. Illi-DAN cackled waving his weapon in the space.

"Yeah! Thats how we roll in my neighborhood bitch! I devote that kill to Clint Eastwood, my favorite actor!"

* * *

Real world...

"Oh my god how did he know that?" Illidan proclaimed in amazement.

"I showed him your diary," Kael said happily.

"You fool! They weren't prepared to know that!" Illidan snapped before he punched Kael'thas out cold.

"Hey its nothing to be ashamed of. Clint Eastwood's a brillant actor and Director," Thrall stated.

"Thanks," Illidan muttered.

* * *

Back in Lor'themar's concussed brain...

The battle still rage with three Scourge TIE's remaining. Lor'themar and Anduin kept shooting but were failing to score a kill. Thankfully the number dropped as one of them team killed.

"Hey Lor'themar!" Anduin called.

"What?" Lor'themar asked.

"Why are they called TIE fighters?" Anduin asked.

"Because they're flown by undead guys from Thailand!" Lor'themar called back.

Just to prove it one of the TIE's shot passed its pilot screaming battle cries in what ever langguage they speak in Thailand.

"Well thats lame," Anduin muttered before he nailed the one who was screaming. "Hey Lor'themar I got one!"

"Great kid don't get penisy!" Lor'themar called back.

Anduin simply blinked in confusion at the odd statment.

Lor'themar zero'd in on the last fighter and waited. And waited. And waited. Then finally he fired on it and killed it. Lor'themar gave a sigh of relief as everyone else cheered their victory.

Meanwhile back on Naxrammas Arthas and Kel'Thuzad stood side by side in the command center. Well Kel'thuzad was floating so yeah...

So, you're sure the tracking beacon's are safely aboard their ship?" Kel'thuzad asked.

"Yep," Arthas replied. "The fools will lead us right to their base."

"I'm taking an awfull risk here Arthas," Kel'thuzad warned. "This had better work."

"Oh it'll be fine, we just took out a huge insurrance policy on this thing," Arthas replied with a wave of his hand.

They stood there silent for a moment.

"You know I think they took your couch," Arthas noted.

"What?" Kel'thuzad exclaimed.

"Yeah, I looked at the security tapes after the escape and right when I was killing Velen these to guys ran on that hunk of junk with the couch. I recognized it because it still had that stain on I from when we had Hawian Punch night," Arthas explained.

Kel'thuzad gritted his teeth.

"Yep thats my couch," he growled. "Rebel scum, now where are me and Mr. Bigglesworth going to have happy time?"

As if in answer Mr. Bigglesworth yowled in the corner as a Cannon Fodder tredded on his tail.

"YOU BASTARD!" Kel'thuzad roared before blasting the Cannon Fodder into oblivion and pick up his beloved cat. "It's okay little fella, daddy's got you."

Meanwhile the _SS McBadass_ arrived at planet Lights Hope. They slowly moved down towards the hidden rebel base and landed.

Several minutes latter after lengthy explanations just about everyone importanat was gathered in the breifing room with the military commander of the rebellion, Highlord Tirion Fordring, and the political mind behind the rebellion, Dragon Queen Alexstrasza, who was appearing two movies early.

"Pilots," Highlord Fordring proclaimed. "What I ask of you is not easy. The Scourge will arrive in a few hours with their Battle Station Naxrammas. Your task will be to blow it to hell."

Of course only a few pilots were listening as the majority were focused on staring at Alexstrasza's awesome rack.

"You will take your flying peices of shit into a narrow trench and fire essentially a nuclear missile into its obvious weakness when you look over the plans and then fly away to safety," Tirion growled noticing that no one was paying attention.

Everyone who had a dong was still staring at Alexstrasza's rack.

"And if you nuke it we'll give you the december issue of Play Elf magazine with a fold out pin up of Alexstrasza," Tirion added catching everyones attention. "Now do your jobs and do this right. Also the squadron that destroys it gets the october issue with the Windrunner sisters."

"Sir yes sir!" All of the pilots proclaimed saluting.

Several minutes later Anduin came upon Lor'themar and Thrall setting up to leave with their reward for saving Sylvanas.

"So you guys are just leaving?" Anduin asked.

"Yep," Lor'themar replied.

"So what did you guys get as a reward?" He asked.

"Um, the first season of Bleach on DVD, the November Issue of Play Elf with Jaina Proudmoore pin up, Assorted lotions, a little bear, a Borders gift card, and a copy of Batman Arkham Asylum," Lor'themar replied holding up the gift basket.

"And several thousand dollars in cash," Thrall added.

"So you want to come with us?" Lor'themar asked.

"Sorry, my I-have-to-be-a-hero sense is telling me to stay and fight," Anduin sighed.

"Well sucks to be you," Lor'themar muttered.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay thats the chapter folks. **

**Now to keep everyone calm here's a gag for later.**

"You see I'm going to make Blizzard have me become so awesome I'll be impossible to kill and everyone willl get so fed up with me that they stop trying to run my raid!" Deathwing proclaimed.

"And how do you plan to do that?" Varian demanded.

"I'll show you!" Deathwing proclaimed clicking the mouse on his power point.

Insantly Varian, Thrall, Cairne, Illidan, Lor'themar, Magni, Rhonin, Kael'thas, and Vol'jin's noses instantly began pouring blood and their pants seemed to appear instantly uncomfortably tight. Jaina, Sylvanas, Tyrande, and Vereesa stared in utter shock.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Deathwing muttered. "The hell is wrong with you mortals?"

"Ummm... Look at the screen boss," Hogger muttered.

Deathwing turned about to see a topless picture of elven form Alexstratza streching out sexy style and winking slyly. Deathwing turned beat red.

"Oh shit!" He said clicking again to show a diagram.

"Why did you have that?" Jaina demanded.

"It was a birthday present she thought was funny joke..." He muttered.

"Can I get a copy of dat mon?" Vol'jin asked.

"NO!!" Deathwing snapped.

**:)**

**Read and Review.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Ranger24: And heres the last of this crap. **

* * *

Chapter 20: Part seven.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Real world...

"Oh boy! The Death Star assault," Cairne said excitedly.

"Sit down I haven't seen this part," Tyrande snapped.

Everyone stared at her again.

"What?" She asked.

"You've never watched the ending to Star Wars?" Varian dead panned.

"Not really," Tyrande admitted. "Kinda fell asleep last few times I tried to watch it."

Everyone was silent or a moment.

"Why are you on our team again?" Varian asked.

"Because the Horde doesn't want the Night Elves," Thrall replied.

* * *

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Finally the Argent Rebellion began launching its forces into action. Roughly four squadrons of ridiculously slow snub fighters. Some how they managed to break the atmosphere and began to cruise with the planet that Lights Hope orbited's gravity to carry them to the battle and conserve power.

The lead pilot of the squadron Anduin was attached to, Bolvar Fordragon, switched on the flight comm system.

"All wings, report in," he ordered.

"_Red two, standing by_."

_"Red three, standing by."_

Red four standing by," Rhonin reported.

------------

Real world...

"I'm Wedge!?" Rhonin said incredulous.

"Congrats, you get to live through the movie," Varian said patting him on the shoulder.

"And if theres sequels you get to destroy the second Naxrammas," Thrall added.

"I knew there was as a reason we got married," Vereesa said giving him a peck on the cheek.

-------------------

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain...

"Red five standing by," Anduin reported in.

"Big red standing by!" Said the Big Red Gum.

"Red Team standing by!" Called in Sarge from Red vs Blue, with the rest of his team piled into three other X-wings..

"The other Red Team standing by!" Heavy from Team Fortress 2 called in with his team piled into a couple more X-wings.

"Red October standing by," Sean Connery replied.

"Trainer Red, standing by," called in the pokemon trainer from Red Version.

_"_Lock S-foils in attack position," Bolvar ordered.

As one all of the X-wings fixed their wings into attack postion. Then they attack began with the Scourge merely using defensive turrets to try and repel them. The Red October was shot down in seconds due to its sheer size. The rest however were causing devestation.

"I'm going in," Anduin reported. "Cover me Heavy!"

_"Am having trouble_," Hevay reported as he was over cramped in his cockpit and accidentaly rolled over into the surface of Naxrammas.

Anduin sighed.

"Well crap," he muttered.

"I'll miss that crazy mother fucker," Illidan said sadly.

At that moment fighters streamed out of Naxrammas and a massive dog fight began, numerous extras were killed on both sides and several people narrowly avoided death.

Meanwhile inside Naxrammas Arthas cornered two random pilots.

"Several Rebel fighters have broken away from the main group, come with me." He ordered before leading them to the hanger.

Back in space Bolvar Fordragon, Sarge from RVB, and Big red were making their run on the trench. They swerved chaotically to avoid the incoming blasts of defensive gunfire.

_"I count around a dozen or so turrets around the target,"_ Sarge report.

"Switch deflection screens to double front," Bolvar ordered.

At that moment all of the incoming fire stopped.

"_What da hell?"_ Big red demanded.

Suddenly Big Reds X wing exploded.

_"OH SHIT!"_ Sarge yelled.

Coming up hard behind them were three Scourge TIE fighters including Arthas speacily modified model.

"Keep your distance we're almost there!" Bolvar ordered.

_"They're gaining on us!"_ Sarge yelled.

"Stay on target!" Bolvar snapped turning on his targeting computer thing.

_"They're to close,"_ Sarge added.

"Stay on target!"

"_They're going to kill us!"_

"Stay on target!"

"_Would you stop saying that!?" _Sarge demanded before his X wing exploded as Arthas fired on him.

"Stay on target!"

* * *

Real world...

"Hey! Stop making fun of Bolvar you bastard!" Varian snarled.

"Sit down Varian," Jaina snapped.

* * *

Inside Lor'themar's concussed brain...

Bolvar finally reached the target as Arthas nailed his starboard engines. Bolvar fired of his proton torpedos and pulled out of the trench. The Torpedos hit and soliders within Naxrammas were thrown to the floor.

"Did you hit?" Tirion asked over the radio.

"Negative," Bolvar growled. "Just rim shot it."

At that moment Arthas nailed his X-wing in the tail.

"With my last breath I curse Hannah Montana!" Bolvar cried out before his ship exploded.

Anduin sighed.

"Well crap," he muttered. "Who's left?"

"Me and the Scout are still here," Rhonin reported.

"Okay you guys are with me, we're going in full throttle." Anduin said before they dove into the the trench themselves.

Within moments Arthas was hot on their tails with his back up mooks. Once more it was a race down the retarded trench of death which makes hardly any tactical sense.

Within seconds however Rhonin's X-wing took a hit to the engine.

"Fuck I gotta pull out man," Rhohin reported.

"It's okay man, you'd probably have died if you'd stayed in the trench," Anduin replied.

"My bad dude," Rhonin muttered before pulling up out of the trench.

They continued down the trench and Anduin activated his targeting computer.

"Crap I'm screwed!" Scout yelled.

Then as if on que Arthas nailed Scout's X-wing in the tail. Unlike Rhonin, who'd been glanced, Scout was blown to tiny scraps of metal. Anduin gulped in his cockpit.

"Control I'm all alone out here can any other pilots assist?"

_"Negative red five,"_ Tirion replied. _"All other squadrons are engaged or have been wiped out."_

Anduin swore and zoomed in on the target area.

Suddenly Arthas fired again. Anduin jerked down slightly and the blasts avoided anything vital... Excpet Illi-DAN's hair.

"ARGH!!" Illi-DAN roared. "FUCK YOU! WHAT AM I A TARGET!?!"

"Shit," Anduin growled.

He took another gaze through his targeting computer. Then he heard a voice.

_'Use the force,' _Velen's voice said.

Anduin blinked in suprise.

_'Trust you're feelings_,' Velen stated.

Anduin nodded and then turned of the targeting computer.

Back in the base Tirion glanced up in confusion.

"Red five, you've switched of your targeting computer, whats wrong?" He asked.

_"Nothing; I'm all right," _Anduin replied.

"Naxrammas will be in range in one minute," an officer reported.

"And Sylvanas's is getting larger!" Kael-P0 said stupidly.

Back in Space Arthas frowned.

"Well what do you know? This guy doesn't suck," he muttered.

Then his targeting computer locked on.

"And now he's dead," Arthas said.

Before he could fire the ship on his left exploded!

"What the fuck!?" Arthas yelled.

Out of no where the _SS Mcbadass_ came screaming in guns blazing. Inside Lor'themar gave a yell of excitement before he motioned to the couch he and Thrall had stolen.

"See?" He said. "Told you it was a good idea."

The second of Arthas's supports exploded and bashed Arthas out of the trench were he entered an out of control spin.

Anduin instantly fired his torpedo's and pulled out of the trench. They shot away with the surviving pilots. Then finally Naxrammas exploded.

_"Great shot kid that was one in a million_!" Lor'themar congratulated.

Anduin smiled in his cockpit.

_'Remember Anduin, the force will be with you. Always.' _Velen's voice said.

Minutes later the entire group touched down and Anduin clambered out of his X-wing to the cheers of the rebels! Sylvanas grabbed him in a bear hugged as Lor'themar glomped them from behind.

"Hooray we did it!" Anduin yelled.

"Now lets all get wasted!" Lor'themar yelled.

"Drinks are on me!" Tirion Fording proclaimed.

"HOORAY!!" Everyone yelled.

-------

The real world...

Then Lor'themar stirred and his eyes flickered open.

"Oh what the hell happened?" He groaned.

"You got kicked in the head by Tom Cruise," Sylvanas said. "We got to watch a movie produced by your concussed brain."

"Oh what movie?" He asked.

"Star Wars," Thrall replied.

"Anything else happen?" Lor'themar asked.

"Nope," Varian said simply.

* * *

**Ranger24: Finally! Now I can get back to more random stuff and change the sceneray! Anyways read and review. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Ranger24: Sorry for the wait, was playing to much Empire at war.**

* * *

Chapter 21: The Illiman cave.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The two days later, somewhere just east of Chicago...

For once things were rolling along smoothly. Illidan, Varian, Thrall, Rhonin, and Vol'jin were watching Casino Royal, Sylvanas, Tyrande, Jaina, and Vereesa were checking the number of hits on the their youtube video, Magni and Cairne were drinking, Velen was safely tied up in the back again, Kael'thas was looking at Lolcatz pictures, and Lor'themar was once more driving.

Of course what they didn't know, as they drove up the free way that someone was watching them with a sniper rifle. The person was short and hunch backed but he followed the RV as long as he could rifle trained on the vehicle.

He picked up a cell phone and dailed a number.

It rang...

And rang...

And rang...

"For the love of god," the figure muttered in a gruff voice. "Pick up your damn cell phone."

The the rining stopped.

"Hello you have reached the voice mail of the dark lord of all trembling mortals in this universe. Please leave a message after the tone."

"At the tone please leave your message," The phone lady said.

"Okay come on," he muttered.

"When you are finished with your message please hang up and try again later," the phone lady continued.

"I know how to leave a god damned message," the figure hissed.

"To leave a call back number press 9. To page this person press five-"

"Just give me the damn beep!"

"To hear these options in spanish press 2."

"COME ON!!"

* * *

Meanwhile on the bus Illidan looked over his shoulder and frowned.

"What is it?" Varian asked.

"I sense some one just quoted Red vs Blue," Illidan muttered. "I must be prepared."

Then he shot to his feet.

"Kael'thas!" He roared.

"Yes Illidan?"

"To Illiman cave!" Illidan proclaimed.

"Oh boy!" Kael'thas said excitedly.

Then the two of them ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Varian and Thrall gave eachother a confused look.

"What the fuck?" Thrall finally said.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Kael'thas and Illidan Stepped into the small bath and shower.

"Pull the lever Kael'thas!" Illidan proclaimed.

Then Kael'thas grabbed the shower and jerked it up. Then the shower floor gave whine and in a flash they reappeared in a bathroom in the Black Temple.

"You think we should tell them about the Shower teleporter?" Kael asked.

"Na, if we did they get out of the mess sooner and we'd get raided again," Illlidan replied.

"Oh right," Kael'thas said nodding.

Then the two of them rush out of the bathroom into Illidan's laboratory. It basically looks like a rip off of the bat cave.

Illidan took his seat at the command terminal.

"Computer," he stated powering it on. "Run diagnostic and then commence playing season 5 of Red Vs Blue. We detected an RVB refrence."

"Confirmed," the computer replied. "Would you like to listen to some music while you wait?"

"Sure," Illidan replied with a shrug.

"Can I have some coco?" Kael'thas asked.

"Of course master Kael'thas, shall I resume playing your favorite episodes of Bleach?" THe computer asked in a freindly, almost motherly tone.

"Yes please," Kael'thas said happily.

* * *

Meanwhile...

"To apply for botox press 6 then 3-"

"I AM GOING TO SMASH YOUR SKULL IN AND EAT YOUR HEART!!" The figure roared.

-------------------

Back on the RV...

"So anyone hungery?" Lor'themar asked.

"Why?" Varian asked.

"Because that sign back their said there was an Uno's passed the next exit," Lor'themar replied.

"Mr. Theron, ahead warp nine," Thrall ordered.

"Aye captian," Lor'themar replied.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Illidan cave Illidan continued watching episodes of Red vs Blue while Kael'thas was busy eating cookies and watching Bleach.

"Oh boy this awesome!" Kael'thas said excitedly. "Illidan!"

"What?" Illidan growled.

"Guess who just went Bankia!"

"Was it Ichigo?"

"Wow! How did you know?" Kael'thas asked.

"Kael'thas, you're watching the same episodes of Bleach you always watch. That normally means whenever Ichigo goes Bankia," Illidan growled.

"Well you know what Illidan! Some day I'm going to go Bankia!" Kael'thas proclaimed.

"Yes that sounds lovely Kael'thas," Illidan said without caring.

There was a silence only interupted by the seperate shows they were watching. Then Illidan straightened

"There freeze it!" Illidan snapped in the middle of Church's phone call. "That's the gag!"

"What gag?" Kael'thas asked.

"The gag I detected. Church's annoying phone call where he got Vic's voice mail box," Illidan explained.

"And what does that prove?" Kael'thas asked.

Illidan was silent for a moment.

"Just go watch your anime," he growled.

"Okay!" Kael'thas said happily running back over to his computer.

* * *

Meanwhile...

"To hear these options again press 11."

"THERE IS NO ELEVEN YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!" The figure roared in utter rage.

"Thank you for waiting please record your message."

"Thank god," the figure growled.

Then there was a beep.

"Hey boss its me-"

"I'm sorry but this person's voice mail box is full."

The phone fell from the figures hand and he gazed up at the sky.

"FUCK MY LIFE!!!" He screamed in utter frustration.

* * *

Back in the Illiman cave...

"Alright then, computer play back all security camera recordings from the RV," Illidan ordered.

"Yes sir," The computer replied.

The screen flashed to show Sylvanas and Lor'themar on the RV after everyone else had gone to get gas.

"Wait what the heck are they doing?" Illidan said concerned watching.

Then Sylvanas locked up the RV and put on Barry White.

"Why the heck is she playing Barry White?"

Lor'themar sighed and stood up. Then Sylvanas kissed him.

"Whoa!" Illidan said in alarm.

Then the two of sort of drifted back to the bed room while making out.

"Oh my god! Kael'thas!" Illidan called.

"Illidan! You're interupting my Bleach," Kael'thas said.

"Damnit Kael'thas this is more important than your anime!" Illidan snarled.

"Fine," Kael'thas muttered pausing and walking over to Illidan. "Why is the guy who used to steal my car playing twister without clothes on or a twister mat with the scary lady?"

"Kael'thas, thy're doing the side ways cha-cha," Illidan snapped. "Don't you realize the opportunity we have with this?"

"No."

"We can sell this on the internet for major loot!" Illidan explained.

Kael'thas gasped. "You mean I could finally afford those Japanese Langauge classes!?"

"Indeed!" Illidan replied. "And with such loot we could buy up our own mid sized company and make even more loot!"

"Hooray!" Kael'thas yelled.

* * *

**Ranger24: Ah another ridiculous chapter. **

**And now I give you my character overviews.**

**Let's start with the Alliance.**

**King Varian Wrynn: When I first started this fic I wanted to make it obvious he was the leader of the Allaince which is lore correct but I also tossed in his extreme hatred of the Horde. For most of his early jokes I just had him basically instigate conflicts with the Horde Character's before I gave him his little adventure with Thrall and Chuck Norris. Now I just make him the guy who clings to his anity and his status as the only Faction leader with a totally unique model. **

**King Magni Bronzebeard: With Magni I orginally was going for him being a stereotypical conservative as I found out more than half of all Dwarves are Republicans. That joke didn't get far so now he just hangs out with Cairne and I have them basically be like those two guys from the muppets who sit in the balconey and make bad jokes that insult everyone.**

**Lady Jaina Proudmoore: With Jaina I knew instantly that I didn't want to use any of the obvious jokes with her. Most of the time she plays the voice of reason in the group and is normally ignored as such. She does cut loose once and a while but I feel like I only had a good joke with her when she spazed out when Varian called her Proudwhore. **

**High Preistess Tyrande Whisperwind: With Tyrande I really had no idea what to do with her. Early on I tried going for the obvious elf vs dwarf jokes by having her be the polar opposite of Magni but I really felt thoughs kind of jokes have been done so much its retarded. Instead I went with her being the Meg of the group. She's not cool nobody really pays attention to her and she normally does very little to help the situations.**

**High Prophet Velen: With Velen I went with the obvious really bad old people jokes. From Pedophila to him constantly having health conditions and not being phased by them. Of course to a point those get over done so now I normally have the standing joke that Velen just gets tied up in the back of the RV for everyones sanity.**

**Now the Dalaran couple.**

**Archmage Rhonin: With Rhonin finding jokes for him was kinda tough. I mostly make him the kinda dorky guy who got lucky and got a smoking hot babe to sleep with him. Which he really is. I also made him the guy who has a lot more inside information on Blizzard than the other characters. So he knows about all of the recently added patch add-ons including the Quel'Delar quest Chain which I'm still looking to do. Seriously if anyone here plays Burning Legion and Horde, my character name is Randwin and I'm looking for a group to help me grind Ice Crown Heroics until I get Quel'delar's hilt because god damnit! That sword is frakking awesome! Its got over 1,000 damage per strike! Seriously! Ultimate DPS weapon.**

**Ranger General Vereesa Windrunner: When it came to Vereesa coming up for jokes for her was hard passed her having a pot induced making up with Sylvanas. I'm considering her having an extreme dislike for Lor'themar because he's a Blood elf but that would seem kinda forced. **

**Now the Horde.**

**FOR THE HORDE!!**

**Warchief Thrall: Thrall I went with almost a Captian Picard charicature. Thrall seeks to avoid conflicts, is willing to help people with their emotional problems, and of course is badass. I feel he's, next to Jaina, the most in character person I write for because Thrall is a total badass. Seriously if Thrall ran for President he'd win in a land slide and actually achieve everything he promises in campaign. Thrall in 2012!**

**Lady Sylvanas Windrunner: When it came to Sylvanas I could come up with a lot of jokes for her. At first I went angry Goth but that was just so obvious I supported it by having her be the only Character who actually seemed to care about Lor'themar before this adventure. This is actually quiet factual to the cannon as Lor'themar was Sylvanas's second in command and she was the Blood elves strongest supporter for joining the Horde. Of course the Vereesa joke helped considerably and her sleeping with Lor'themar. Its probably the only ship I've put in this story.**

**Vol'jin: Vol'jin I basically just made a goof. He's not to serious about anything which leads to his constant 'I can't believe its not butter mon' joke. I also just love writing Vol'jin's dialouge because his accent is so much fun. Seriously props to ma troll brothers! You guys rock! And I'm a Blood Elf Palidan saying that.**

**High Chieftan Cairne Bloodhoff: Cairne I considered using some old guy jokes with but I honestly felt that would make him to much like Velen and Cairne's just awesome. Seriously props to ma Tauren brothers and sisters! You guys make great tanks and healers. Mostly I just have him be like Magni commenting on all the crazy shit that happens however I do have a sneak peak at what his role will be in the third Star Wars Parody. One line spoiler.**

**"Admiral! We have enemy ships in sector twenty seven!"**

**"It's a trap!" **

**:)**

**Regent Lord Lor'themar Theron: With Lor'themar I realized I had a blank slate character that I could do what ever I wanted to with. So basicaly I made Lor'themar basically do just about anything from driving the RV to playing Han Solo. I also have read the Warcraft manga, the Sunwell Triliogy and I have to say he looks awesome in it. Seriously, Blizzard should change his model to look like he does in the manga! In fact the only character trait I could pin him down with in most Warcraft media was that he's feircly loyal to his people and is willing to do whatever is needed to ensure they're safety and welfare. There are probably some who'd object to my portrial of Lor'themar but I've done some looking on wowwiki. Despite his cities low visitation level (Seriously, Silvermoon has like no lag.) he's not an easy take down. Some people claim ts due to him having Hauldron and Rommanath backing him up but thats not queit true. Rommanath is pretty pathetic and just has a huge health pool where as Hauldron is tough but lacks the health pool and levels needed. Lor'themar really is on his own unless Horde help comes. But I digress.**

**Now the last two idiots.**

**Illidan Stormrage: When it came writing Illidan I really decided against making him crazy evil. Instead I just made him a disilusioned pot head. Illidan's usual you are not prepared line I held onto. And I borrowed his annoyance with Kael'thas from the Azerothian Super Villians series (if you don't watch it the go watchit right now! Its hilarious!) but I made it more of a he's just tired with it all and wouldn't mind a good long vacation.**

**Prince Kael'thas Sunstrider: With Kael'thas I just knew I had to use his Azerothian super villian's style but I realized I had to explain it to the other characters. Thus was the birth of Kael'thas having been nailed in the head one to many times. Seriously when you in a dungeon and a raid you're bound to take some hits. I also gave him his cold sadistic split personality which I was mostly inspired for by watching Elfen Lied. I also made Kael'thas an Otaku because, well I just wanted to. Deal with it.**

**Anyways thats overview of the characters. Read and review folks. **


	22. Chapter 22

**Ranger24: And heres the chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 22: Butter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I can't believe you guys went to Uno's without us," Illidan growled.

"I can't believe you guys missed out on seeing James Cameron's Avatar," Jaina said whilest updating her Face book page.

"I can't believe it's not..."

"WE KNOW VOL'JIN! YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!" Everyone snapped at Vol'jin before he could finish his usual line.

"No reason ta snap," Vol'jin muttered glumly.

And thus they continued with Vol'jin upset and the rest of them just trying to get by.

Suddenly a car on the free way jerked out of control and slammed into a truck!

"Fuck!" Lor'themar yelled slamming the brakes! "Brace yourselves!"

Everyone grabbed onto something before Lor'themar dove out of the driver's seat! That saved his life as the front of the RV Pancaked as it hit the truck. The RV shuddered as it took another hit from the rear as another car hit them.

"What the hell happened!?" Jaina yelled.

"I don't know!" Lor'themar replied.

All around them were the sounds of cars slamming into the truck and the shudder as one would strike them. Finally however it all became deathly silent.

"Is it over?" Varian asked.

"Something tells me you just jinxed it," Rhohin muttered.

They scrambled out of the RV utterly confused to find other people struggling out of their vehicles.

"What happened?" Someone yelled.

"Somebody call 911!" Someone else shouted.

Then suddenly the truck exploded! People screamed and Varian was thrown off his feet and sent flying. Then he struk his head on the side of the road.

* * *

Meanwhile the guy who'd been watching them from before snickered evilly.

"Amazing what you can get Terrorists to do for you when you give them fake passports and C4 isn't it Hogger?" A smooth but terrifying voice asked the small figure.

Hogger yelped and whirled about to see his dark master.

"Ma lord!" Hogger said.

"Save it," his Master replied. "You have done well."

"Really?" Hogger asked.

"Indeed," his master replied watching the chaos. "This should slow them down considerably."

* * *

Several minutes Varian came to on the freeway he found it desolated by destruction. Thrall was pulling him to his feet.

"You alright?" Thrall demanded.

"Dude there was just one large explosion how the hell do you think I am!?" Varian demanded.

"Well Lor'themar's not to good." Thrall replied.

"What he get hit on the head again?" Varian growled.

"Worse," Thrall replied pointing to Lor'themar who was on his knees weeping before the wreckage of...

"Oh god no..." Varian whispered.

The RV was totaled. The drivers chassy wasn't even remotely intact. The roof was gone, the engine was burning, the tires had melted, and the roof was gone.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Lor'themar screamed.

Sylvannas patted Lor'themar on the back as the others moved up alongside him.

"Well now what the hell do we do now?" Illidan asked. "The RV's totaled."

"We're going to have to walk to Irvine California it seems," Jaina replied.

"We're just on the otherside of the Mississippi though how do we get there without bleeding to death from feet exhaustion?" Tyrande asked.

"Anyone ever thought of just tapping our heels together three times?" Kael'thas suggested.

"Kael thats the dumbest idea you've ever come out with," Illidan snapped.

"We could try to find another ride," Rhonin suggested.

"Where would we find that?" Magni suggested.

"Magni this is America, theres a car dealership in every town," Veressa dead panned.

"Wait wheres Vol'jin?!" Thrall said suddenly alarmed.

Everyone glanced about but the Troll was nowhere to be found.

"Oh my god Vol'jin!" Thrall shouted running to a pile of wrecked cars where a single battered teal limb stuck out. Thrall began throwing aside bits of wreckage until final Vol'jin was finally revealed.

"Vol'jin! Speak to me you loveable oaf!" Thrall said shaking his friend.

Vol'jin groaned.

"I can't..."

"Yes speak to me Vol'jin! It's Thrall!"

"I can't believe... its not..." Vol'jin moaned.

"Not what?!" Thrall demanded.

"I can't believe its not butter mon," Vol'jin moaned.

Thrall stood there silent for a moment before his face flatened into a glower.

"Shut up Vol'jin," Thrall growled.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats the chapter. Next time our hapless fools continue on foot.**

**Also if you are fans of my work but wonder how I do with more serious writing check out Rising sun Falling blade. Seriously it needs some love people. I wrote six whole chapters for it and have them ready to update but I wouldn't mind seeing some reviews before updating. **

**Anyways read and review folks.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Ranger24: I apologize for the wait. Bit of an overload in work here and a lot of brain storming ideas.

* * *

**

Chapter 23: Junk yard wars part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Meanwhile in a secret laboratory owned by the McDonald's corporation numerous surgeons were working feverishly on a corpse.

"Hurry!" Ordered a very angry voice that sounded like its owner was on steroids.

"We are nearly finished milord," the head surgeon replied.

"Get him ready, we shall have our vengeance upon those who have caused us such trouble!" The voice ordered.

"Yes we know master, now calm down so we can finish this?" The Head surgeon asked.

"Oh fine," the voice growled.

* * *

One week after the destruction of the RV the entire group had somehow ended up in a junk yard settlement for homeless people off route sixty six. The little place ws very reminiscant of something out of Road warrior but who honestly cares?

"So hows trying to find us a new ride going?" Illidan asked Thrall as they sat by the entrance to the settlement with Vol'jin, Cairne, Varian, Rhonin, and Magni.

"How does we-might-as-well-try-walking-to-California sound to you?" Thrall replied dismally.

"Hows Kael'thas been doing?" Varian asked shaving with a broken razor.

"Well how well do you think an Otaku takes not being able to watch his anime?" Illidan asked rhetorically.

"Shit mon, dis be worse than the time I tried ta ask out Alexstrasza," Vol'jin said.

"You tried to ask out Alexstrasza?" Magni asked.

"How did that go?" Cairne asked.

"I gotta cock-a blocked by Krasus," Vol'jin replied.

"Oh sucks to be you," Rhonin said.

At that moment Sylvanas walked over to them.

"You guys seen Lor'themar?" She asked.

"No why?" Varian asked.

"Actually me saw him over by the entrance to da bone yard," Vol'jin replied.

"You mean the military bone yard right next door?" Sylvanas quickly checked.

"No the one across the fucking street," Illidan said sarcastically. "Of course the one next door!"

For that Sylvanas kicked him in the face before she stormed off.

"Bitch," Illidan muttered rubbing his face.

* * *

Sylvanas found Lor'themar exactly where Illidan had told her he would be. He didn't look to good. He'd entered a state of depression since the destruction of the RV and had turned to alchohal.

"Hey how you holding up?" Sylvanas asked siting down next to him.

"Wishing I was dead," Lor'themar replied in emo tones.

"Trust me, you don't," Sylvanas replied.

Lor'themar hung his head moping more.

"I wish I'd never woke up from that Coma," he whined.

"Hey don't say that," Sylvanas objected.

"Life is just pain and woe," he moaned.

"You know I can think of something that might cheer you up," Sylvanas said.

"And that is?" Lor'themar said dismally.

Then Sylvanas grabbed him by the face and kissed him.

* * *

"So how much money you guys beating their doing it right now?" Illidan asked.

"Dude no ones taking that beat," Varian replied.

There was a long silence.

"So who's going to get the beer?" Magni asked dismally.

* * *

The next morning Sylvanas yawned as set up under the blanket she had been resting under. Then her eyes widend in alarm when she saw a note beside her. She picked it up and read it quickly.

"Oh my god!" She said alarmed.

Meanwhile everyone else was having breakfast with the hobos.

"Kael'thas pass me the beans," Illidan said.

"No I haven't had my share!" Kael'thas said in his usual child like tone but on the edge many could here his old voice.

Jaina glanced at Illidan concerned.

"I think he's getting a little on edge," she whispered.

"He hasn't watched anime in a week," Illidan replied. "He's in withdrawal."

Then Sylvanas rushed in on them with the letter in hand!

"Everyone we have a problem!" She said.

"What is it?" Thrall asked, rising to his feet.

"Just read," Sylvanas said handing him the note which he took.

"Dear Sylvanas," Thrall read aloud. "I'm sorry about basically doing what an eighth of most men do after sleeping with a woman but I just can't go on like this anymore. I'm going into the boneyard, finding some ordinance, and blowing myself up. It's not like I'm really needed anyways."

"Oh my god!" Tyrande said alarmed.

"Oh well one less Blood Elf," Vereesa said with a shrug. This got her several glares.

"P.S In case it is possible for an undead to get pregnant Hauldron has my bank numbers. If you guys ever make it back home, just talk to him.

"We have to find him!" Varian proclaimed, grabbing his sword.

"In the bone yard!? We have no idea what could be in there!" Cairne replied.

Then Vol'jin pulled out a Fedora and put it on.

"Vol'jin what are you doing?" Tyrande asked.

"I be a goin' after elf boy," Vol'jin replied sternly. "I know what it be like to play second bannana to a coola character."

They he rushed off towards the junkyard.

"That is one brave Troll," Varian commented. "Stupid, but brave."

"So can I have the beans now?" Illidan asked.

"Yeah sure," Kael'thas replied.

* * *

Meanwhile several dozen vehicles pulled off the main highway and came to a halt. Out of each one poured dozens if not hundreds of Mcdonald's employees. Each one was armed to the teeth with assault weapons and Machetes.

Then one large red car pulled up behind them all. Several Employees lined up at the doors and saluted as the doors opened to release a tall meancing figure in black.

"My lord, we have confirmed that the enemy are hiding in the nearby scrapyard. We should be able to reach them by noon," the lead employee reported.

"Excellent work, you get a free happy meal," the figure replied shaking out his big red afro like hair style. "We shall move in and crush them. They will not be able stop us."

Then he gave a ridiculous laugh before he lead his small army towards the junk yard.

**Ranger24: Oh this can't be good. Anyways read and review. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Ranger24: And here we go, new chapter folks.

* * *

**

Chapter 24: Junkyard wars 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Meanwhile in the military bone yard Vol'jin clambered over scrapped tanks, trucks, planes, and other such military gear.

"Elf boy," he called. "Elf boy!"

Then as he clambered over a tank to hear a loud banging sound. He hurried over the tank and through a planes fusilage to find Lor'themar hammering his own face into the side of a tank. Vol'jin sighed.

"Let me guess, ya couldant find no bombs?" Vol'jin asked.

"Yeah," Lor'themar said before slamming his skull into the tank again.

Vol'jin rushed over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Stop doin' dat mon, ya health pool be to high for dat mon," Vol'jin snapped.

Lor'themar groaned and sat down. Vol'jin sat down beside him.

"I just, I've just never felt so useless," Lor'themar groaned.

"Look mon, until Wrath of da Lich king I got invovled in like one quest mon. I know what its like mon," Vol'jin replied. "You just gotta find away to compensate."

"How?" Lor'themar demanded.

"You got to look inside ya self mon, clear ya head," Vol'jin said pulling something out of his pockets. "And I know just what ta do."

"What?" Lor'themar asked.

Then Vol'jin pulled out a baggy full of weed.

"We gotta open ya mind," Vol'jin replied.

"Fine," Lor'themar muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile back at the Junk yard everyone heard the sound of approaching heavy feet. Everyone including the hobos rushed to the small junk gate and Varian pulled out a pair of binoculars.

"Oh boy," Varian muttered.

"What is it?" Thrall asked.

"Its them again," Varian replied.

"Who the scientologists?" Sylvanas asked.

"No," Varian answered.

"Disney?" Jaina suggested.

"No."

"The Ku Klux Klan?" Thrall asked.

"Nope."

"Is it McDonald's?" Illidan asked.

"Yep," Varian answered standing up.

"Well shit," Tyrande muttered.

"Well we'd best get ready for another battle," Varian said drawing his swords.

"How many did you see?" Cairne asked.

"Well how many hobos are with us?" Varian asked.

"Around thirty," Jaina replied.

"Multiply that by ten," Varian answered.

"Well crap," Sylvanas muttered.

"Whats worse is we're down a troll, blood elf, and a vehicle," Rhonin noted. "This isn't going to be easy."

"We've got like a half hour or so," Varian stated. "We'd best use it."

"Right," Thrall agreed. "Vereesa, Sylvanas; Organize the hobos. Magni; begin setting up defensive earth works. Illidan; find Kael'thas. Jaina; make sure Velen is secure. Tyrande; round up all the food. Rhonin; start spamming water. Cairne; mix up some mana potions."

"And what about me?" Varian said annoyed that Thrall had taken command so quickly.

"We're going to buy everyone some time," Thrall replied hefting the Doomhammer.

* * *

Ten minutes later the McDonalds employees were rapidly approaching the hobo camp. Thrall and Varian however crouched behind a car weapons in hand.

"So how do we defeat that many of them?" Varian asked.

"I've got an idea," Thrall answered. "Follow my lead."

Then the two of them rose up and stepped out right into the middle of the McDonalds employees way.

"Look its them!" One of them yelled raising his assault rifle.

Then for soem reason Thrall and Varian pulled out little canes. Then cheery show tune music started.

Thrall/Varian: _'You and I are,_

_So awfully different._

_To awfully different,_

_to ever be pals.'_

"You want to go first?" Varian asked.

"Sure," Thrall replied.

Thrall: _ 'You don't do anything but spam aggro.'_

"Oh clever," Varian growled.

Varian: _You can't make up your mind just what you are.'_

"Hey these guys aren't bad," a McDonalds employee noted.

"Yeah they're a little off key but otherwise they're really good," another noted.

Then suddenly a shot gun went off breaking Varian and Thrall's musical number.

"What is ths musical Tom foolery?" Demanded a certian clown.

"Man can't anyone stay dead?" Thrall wondered aloud.

"Yeah I know," Varian muttered.

Standing before them was, of course, Ronald McDonald.

"We have a tight schedule to keep so lets just shoot these two," he said hefting his shot gun.

"Well time for plan B?" Varian hissed.

"Yeah," Thrall muttered.

Then Thrall hurled a chain Lighting and Varian threw a grenade before they both ran for it! Around a dozen McDonalds employees wailed as they were incinerated or blown to peices. The rest raised their weapons and opened fire on the retreating Thrall and Varian.

* * *

Meanwhile Lor'themar and Vol'jin were completly stoned beside the tank.

"Dude," Lor'themar said his voice slurred.

"Mon I know what ya gonna say. And I totally agree," Vol'jin replied.

"Sweet," Lor'themar said nodding.

Then to Lor'themar's buzzed mind there came the roaring of some great beast. He looked up to the sky to see a massive flamming chariot descending from on high, being pulled by giant T-rex's and being driven by the paragon of awesome himself.

"Chuck Norris?" Lor'themar said in wonder.

"Dude just so ya know mon, I can see him to," Vol'jin noted.

"Sweet," Lor'themar said nodding.

Chuck Norris's mighty chariot landed and he dismounted from his mighty ride of badassery. Then he made his way over to them a bottle of whiskey in hand.

"Lor'themar Theron," said the man god. "I have come to give you a command and news."

"Seriously?" Lor'themar said.

"Seriously," Chuck Norris replied. "Ronald McDonald comes now to destory your friends with an army. Against his might force they stand no chance."

"Dude, thats harsh," Lor'themar said still stoned.

Then Chuck round house kicked him and in a bang Lor'themar was back to his senses.

"Oh my god!" Lor'themar said alarmed.

"To defeat him you must build a vehcile of such badassery that it would be worth me having a drink in," Chuck commanded.

"But how?" Lor'themar demanded.

"With the scrap and military surplus around you," Chuck replied before remounting his mighty chariot. "Now hurry it up, for your friends will not last the night."

Then with a mighty round house kick the chariot took of back to Texas to hunt the Mexican drug dealers.

Lor'themar glanced about him and scratched his head.

"How the hell are we supposed to build a vehicle worthy of Chuck Norris before dawn?" Lor'themar demanded.

"There be only one way mon," Vol'jin replied standing up.

Twelve seconds later Lor'themar was taking a blow torch to the side of a tank.

Vol'jin: _'The hours approaching to give it your best and you've got to reach your prime!_

_Thats when you need to put yourself to the test, and show us a passage of time!_

_We're gonna need a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Vol'jin: _'Yeah we need a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Lor'themar begins gather tires, meanwhile Sylvanas and Vereesa are arming the hobos, while Magni digs, and Jaina ties up Velen even tighter.

Vol'jin: _'Show a lot of things happening at once,_

_Remind everyone of whats going on!'_

Chorus: _ 'Whats going on!'_

Then Lor'themar begins welding together the massive suspension.

Vol'jin: _'And with every shot show a little improvement, _

_to show it all would take to long!_

_Thats called a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Vol'jin: _'Yeah we need a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Lor'themar beings pulling several engines out of multiple vehicles.

Vol'jin: _'In anything if you want to go,_

_From just a beginner to a pro you'll need a montage.'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Vol'jin: _'Even Rocky had a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Then as the song entered its guitar solo Lor'themar began to set up the outter plating to skin his mighty beast.

Vol'jin: _'In anything if you want to go, _

_From just a beginner to a pro you need a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Vol'jin: _'Yeah you need a montage!'_

Chorus: _'Montage!'_

Lor'themar began to apply the paint to its hull.

Vol'jin: _'Always fade out in a montage...'_

Chorus: _'Montage...'_

Vol'jin: _'If ya fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage,_

_montage...'

* * *

_

**Ranger24: Ah montage. Next time we finish up this little story arc! And move on with the next! Read and review.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Ranger24: And here we go! One more badass hilarity spree.

* * *

**

Chapter 25: Junk yard wars part 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Take cover!" Illidan yelled throwing himself to the dirt as bullets riddled the makeshift defenses of the camp. All hell had broken loose and it sure wasn't a pretty sight. The hobos had fought bravely against the McDonalds employees but against their superior numbers and weaponry they had been massacred. The earth work trenches Magni had dug were now full of corpses and the small barricade was being ripped down.

"Anyone got any ideas?" Varian asked over the gun fire.

"Your turn," Thrall replied as a bullet narrowly missed his left ear.

"Maybe if we made a giant wooden rabbit," Cairne started.

"No!"

"Just saying," Cairne muttered.

Illidan rushed over to them narrowly avoiding losing his head from the amount of bullets coming his way.

"Oh boy, we're all going to die," Illidan growled.

"Hey where's Kael'thas?" Jaina wondered aloud.

Then they turned to see Kael'thas clear across the junk yard crouching behind a car.

"Kael'thas get over here!" Illidan yelled.

"Okay!" Kael'thas replied.

"Wait Illidan!" Jaina said quickly. "You're going to have Kael'thas run across the open ground in a fire fight?!"

Illidan froze.

"Oh shit," he muttered.

He whirled about just in time to see Kael'thas running across the the open ground.

"RUN KAEL'THAS RUN!!!" Illidan yelled.

Then before they're very eyes bullets ripped into Kael'thas's legs! He yelled in pain falling forward to take even more bullets to the chest in arms. He hit the ground, blood pooling around him.

"What do you mean we're all out of ammo?!" Ronald McDonald yelled.

"KAEL'THAS!!" Illidan screamed running to his favorite moronic lackey. He dragged Kael'thas behind the car he'd started behind and propped him up against the junk.

"Illi... Illidan," Kael'thas moaned.

"Stop talking you idiot," Illidan snapped. "Somebody get over here and heal him!"

"Illidan," Kael said breathing heavily. "Make sure Akama doesn't delete my Bleach downloads..."

Then Kael'thas fell still.

"Kael'thas?" Illidan started. "Kael'thas!"

Then he rose drawing out his war galives.

"You bastards killed my annoying side kick," Illidan growled before turning to face the McDonald's employees drew out machettes. "I'm going to kill you all!"

Then Ronald stepped forward raising a large as hell sword.

"Just go ahead and try," Ronald said before he threw a Happy Meal at him.

Illidan caught it and looked up in confusion.

"The hell is this?" He demanded.

Then the Happy Meal exploded and Illidan was sent flying into a pile of junk.

"Illidan!" Tyrande called.

"Put a Smile on!" Ronald cackled.

* * *

Kael'thas opened his eyes and found himself in what appeared to be Quel'thalas.

"Am I in heaven?" He wondered aloud.

"Kael'thas," a strange voice said from near by. Kael'thas looked up to see some sort of pheonix man thing standing close by wearing flaming red robes.

"Who the hell are you?" Kael'thas asked.

"He's the power you picked up from having us watch so many hours of anime," said a familar voice. Then Kell'this turned to to see himself from Magisters terrace.

"Wow," Kell'this said. "You look like crap."

Kael'thas flipped Kell'this the bird.

"Enough of this ridiculousness," the pheonix man said in annoyance. "Kell'this, time is of the essence."

"Isn't that some kind of shampoo?" Kell'this asked.

"No," the Pheonix man replied. "You're breathing has stopped and your heart has as well. You have less than a minute in the real world."

At that moment the ground began shaking.

"AH! What the hell is going on!?" Kell'this yelled.

"We're dead you ass!" Kael'thas snapped.

"You can save yourself Kell'this," the pheonix man stated. "You already know how."

Then the world collapsed and Kel'this fell into darkness screaming.

"Oh god!" He screamed. Then he paused.

"Oh..." he said understanding. "So thats what he meant."

* * *

Ronald raised his sword to charge Illidan who was still clambering out of the pile.

"Enjoy your happy meal in hell!" Ronald proclaimed before he charged Illidan.

Then suddenly the entire area began to shake and everyone felt an intense weight.

"What the hell!?" Thrall yelled.

Then suddenly there was a flash and there was the clang of steel upon steel. Then to everyone presents amazement...

"Holy shit," Jaina whispered.

"Holy shit," Varian repeated.

"By Elune," Tyrande said.

"My god," Sylvanas said.

"Blessed ancestors," Thrall whispered.

"By da light," Magni stated.

"Holy crap," Rhonin and Vereesa said at the same time.

"Kael'thas?" Illidan said in utter confusion.

Standing against Ronald, Zampakto in hand, was Kael'thas. He was now wearing a black Kimono with little sandals that instantly made it obvious that he was either doing a very good cosplay or this was real.

"Hey Illidan!" Kael'thas called over his shoulder. "I turned into a Shinigami!"

"Since this is in English shouldn't you be a Soul Reaper as not to result in confusion with Death Note?" Jaina asked.

"Eh true," Kael replied with a shrug.

"I don't care if your Barrack Obama!" Ronald yelled before attacking Kael'thas. His sword however passed through him.

"Ha! If you knew Bleach you'd know that regular weapons can't touch a Soul Reaper," Kael'thas said.

"How come we can see you then?" Varian asked.

"You obviously all have the spiritual awareness to detect and see Soul Reapers," Kael'thas replied.

"Eh that makes sense to me," Thrall said with a shrug.

"Someone want to pick up his body before it starts to smell?" Jaina asked.

Then Kael'thas slashed off Ronalds arm with his Zampakto.

"ARGH! YOU ASSHOLE!" Ronald yelled.

He stumbled back as Kael'thas raised his Zampakto.

"You may kill me, but I have back up!" Ronald proclaimed.

Then out of the junk yard emerged several trucks with machine guns on the tail gate.

"Oh shit," Varian muttered.

Ronald cackled. "Now suff-"

Then the Dukes of Hazard horn sounded.

"What the hell?" Ronald said turning around.

Then a massive vehicle that was the size of two double decker buses with trailers behind them, with monster truck tires, rims, a hot rod paint job, a spiked grill, a bumper sticker that read 'Chuck Norris approved, and a Horde flag flying from the little pole on top smashed into the clearing and ran clean over Ronald and the trucks. Then the side opened up to reveal Vol'jin on a second floor chain gun turret.

"We brake for nobody mon!" He cackled before he opened fire on the McDonalds employees who instantly began to retreat. Then a door near the front opened and Lor'themar stepped out wearing a pair of sunglasses.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said. "Our badass new ride."

Everyone simply stared at him and the massive vehicle for a moment.

"Shot gun," Rhonin said simply.

* * *

**Ranger24: And that's the chapter folks! Next time we return to the road and get back to a central plot! Read and review!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Ranger24: New chapta here.

* * *

**

Chapter 26: Enemy reveals!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I still can't believe you managed to build this thing in the course of one montage," Thrall commented.

"Da power of Chuck Norris was with him mon," Vol'jin replied.

It had been three days since they had escaped the Junkyard and were now in Lor'themar's creation on the road into the rockies. Some how Lor'themar and Vol'jin had furnished the two story beast in less than ten hours. They'd set up a mini bar, bathroom with shower and two sinks, Tv with Xbox 360, Wii, and PS3, couches, several beds up stairs, and even a sound proof room to put Velen in. It even had wifi.

"Hail ta Chuck Norris then," Magni said taking a swig from his beer.

"Hail," Illidan agreed.

"Indeed," Varian commented watching Blade Runner with Cairne and Rhonin.

Kael'thas meanwhile was in the back of the beast, just out side Velen's sound proof room, with his Zanpaktou on his lap. From a glance he looked to be meditating.

"Kael'thas, what are you doing?" Jaina asked watching him.

"Trying to figure out my Zanpaktou's name so I can release its shikia," Kael'thas replied.

"Its what?" Jaina asked.

"It's what happens when a Zanpaktou takes on part of its true form," Illidan answered.

This attracted many odd looks.

"Look the guy spends half his time watching anime. You pick up on a few things," Illidan stated gruffly.

Suddenly Lor'themar frowned as he saw a sign on the roadside.

"Hey Thrall!" He called back.

"What?" Thrall asked.

"We got a sign up ahead that says 'Anime Convention this way' what should we do?" Lor'themar asked.

"Why should we care about an anime convention?" Vereesa demanded.

"There could be someone from Blizzard there," Tyrande noted.

"Take us in Lor'themar," Thrall ordered.

"Something in my bones says this is a bad idea," Cairne huffed.

"Cairne, your bones bitch about everything," Varian noted.

"Don't mock my bones," Cairne snapped.

They pulled off the road and pulled up to a large convention center type building with numerous cars parked out front.

"Why would there be an anime convention all of the way out here?" Sylvanas asked.

"Maybe to avoid criticism," Rhonin suggested.

Lor'themar parked them in the first couple of open spaces he could find and everyone filed out.

"You do know we need tickets to go to something like this?" Vereesa stated.

"Yeah but when has that stopped us?" Varian asked rhetorically.

They made their way across the parking lot to the main doors which Cairne threw open.

"What the?" Thrall started.

The place was deserted and the lights were all out.

"The hell is going on here?" Varian wondered.

Suddenly a thick green mist floated over to them!

"Gas!" Sylvanas yelled.

"Run!" Jaina yelled.

Before they could escape however a metal baricade slammed shut behind them trapping them inside!

"Its a trap!" Cairne yelled.

"Gee! No shit Ackbar!" Magni replied.

Before they could say anything else however they all collapsed one by one until all of them were on the ground out cold.

* * *

Varian groaned and opened his eyes to find himself and all of the others tied to chairs in a line.

"Hey guys, wake up!" He hissed.

Thrall moaned and opened his own eyes and was soon followed by everyone else.

"What happened?" Rhonin groaned.

"Welcome mortals... To one of my many lairs," Said a dark and sinister voice.

"Who's there?" Varian demanded.

"Santa?" Kael'thas said hopefully.

"No! I'm not Santa you dumbass! Now shut up!" The voice snapped.

"Can someone turn a light on please?" Sylvanas asked.

"Ugh, fine let me take my true form. This is getting us no where," the voice growled. "Hogger why didn't you pay the electric bill?!"

"Well no, we kinda ran out of cash after you bought the Corvette," The gruff voice of the Gnoll replied.

"Hogger!? Varian said alarmed. "The bane of so many Allaince noobs?!"

"Isn't that like you're entire population mon?" Vol'jin asked. Several of the Horde leaders snickered at this.

"Oh shut up," Varian growled.

"Silence!" The Sinister voice snapped.

Then suddenly fire ignited in the room and the dark brooding form of a massive dragon emerged from the darkness. Each crevas in its mighty armor was filled with acid, each plate of solid adamantite, and hot magma burned.

"HOLY SHIT ITS DEATH WING!" Rhonin yelled.

"Oh no," Jaina and Tyrande said.

"Oh fuck," Varian and Thrall said at the same time.

"Oh my god!" Lor'themar and Sylvanas yelled.

"Oh snap!" Vol'jin yelled

"Oh crap," Illidan muttered.

"So its not Santa?" Kael'thas said.

"Santa don't exist boy, when I was your age we didn't have Winter Veil, we had 'Rape an Elek day'," Velen said.

"Ew..." Everyone said.

"Dis be why we keep ya locked up mon," Vol'jin muttered.

Death Wing chuckled, his laughter thundering through the halls while the small Gnoll tried to avoid being squished.

"Correct, its been a while mortal," Death Wing said smuggly.

"What are you doing and why are you here!?" Vereesa demanded.

"Queit simple you fools," Death Wing answered. "You see, because of the upcoming new Expansion, Cataclysm I am going to reenter the world and become a raid boss. In fact the focus of the whole expansion is on me."

"Oh here we go. Evil speech time," Rhonin muttered.

"I said shut up!" Death Wing snapped. "I'm evil and I get to make a little evil speech ever now and again! Even those two did it."

"That's true," Illidan agreed.

"After what happened to Arthas when Icecrown Citadel got released, I've realized that Blizzard will literaly take any character they want and make them kill able at some point. Thus a little bit of, self preservation kicked in." Death wing conitnued as Hogger Pulled out a computer, projector, and opened up a power point showing runs on Icecrown Citadel, Blizzard Employee's, and then Arthas, Illidan, and Kael'thas.

"Hey don't rope us in with that asshole," Illidan snapped. "He won't be prepared for the next time I face him!"

"You see I'm going to make Blizzard have me become so awesome I'll be impossible to kill and everyone willl get so fed up with me that they stop trying to run my raid!" Deathwing proclaimed.

"And how do you plan to do that?" Varian demanded.

"I'll show you!" Deathwing proclaimed clicking the mouse on his power point.

Insantly Varian, Thrall, Cairne, Illidan, Lor'themar, Magni, Rhohin, Kael'thas, and Vol'jin's nose instantly began pouring blood and their pants seemed to appear instantly uncomfortably tight. Jaina, Sylvanas, Tyrande, and Vereesa stared in utter shock.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Deathwing muttered. "The hell is wrong with you mortals?"

"Ummm... Look at the screen boss," Hogger muttered.

Deathwing turned about to see a topless picture of elven form Alexstratza streching out sexy style and winking slyly. Deathwing turned beat red.

"Oh shit!" He said clicking again to show a diagram.

"Why did you have that?" Jaina demanded.

"It was a birthday present she thought was funny joke..." He muttered.

"Can I get a copy of dat mon?" Vol'jin asked.

"NO!!" Deathwing snapped.

"All that aside how are you going to convince Blizzard to make your raid so hard the only way players well survive is if they have gear twenty times stronger than the current stuff?" Jaina demanded.

"By holding them all hostage until the nerf all the upcoming gear, and give me a health pool equal to all of the twenty five man heroic bosses in Icecrown citadel!" Death Wing exclaimed.

"And what make you think we aren't going to stop you?" Varian demanded.

"Oh here comes the overly complex, hyper exotic death," Rhonin said rolling his eyes.

Death Wing glared at Rhonin.

"This is why I fucking hate you," he growled. "You never let me have any fun."

"Is Rhonin actually contributing?" Magni whispered to Cairne.

"Seems like it," Cairne replied.

"Part of the reason why I married him," Vereesa tossed in.

Death Wing transfromed into his human form.

"My particular death form for the lot of you is that I'm going to open up a portal that shall unleash one raid boss Blizzard has never released because she is to damn powerfull," Death Wing explained. "Hogger, start up the car. And slash their tires to be sure."

"Aye boss," Hogger said.

"Hey I just built that thing!" Lor'themar yelled as Hogger left the building.

Death Wing at the same time however opened a massive portal.

"The bindings on your chairs should release momentarily, not that being able to move will help you much," Death Wing gloated before he left himself trapping them in darkness with only the portal for light.

Within seconds however their bounds released and they rose from their chairs.

"Who was he talking about?" Tyrande asked.

"No idea," Illidan replied. "Anyways be prepared for anything."

Then suddenly from the portal their came a mighty gurgling sound and everyone froze. The forth from the portal emerged.

"RUN!!" Kael'thas yelled. "IT'S MURKILLA!!"

"MRRGGAGHH!!! Murkilla roared as it raised its mighty flippers to the sky and everyone screamed in terror.

* * *

**Ranger24: :D**

**Yes I just did unleash Murkilla on our favorite faction leaders. Now let us see how they fair against the mighty beast. Read and review! **


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: Murkilla

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Everyone ran about screaming at the top of their lungs as Murkilla thrashed about roaring in rage.

"We gotta form a raid group!" Varian yelled.

"Quick who is the tank?" Lor'themar yelled.

"I'll tank!" Varian said.

"Who's heal?" Lor'themar asked.

"I'll heal!" Thrall said.

"You're not that good," Tyrande noted.

"Then you help," Thrall snapped. "Velen too."

"Everyone else DPS!" Varian ordered.

Then Varian charged Murkilla and attacked, hacking away with his swords. Murkilla roared smashing Varian back stunning him. Everyone else hammered Murkilla with a shower of spells and arrows. But against Murkilla's thick hide. In a rage Murkilla thrashed forward sending everyone flying into the air.

Illidan, Kael'thas, and Jaina crash landed in a huddle together.

"Kael'thas, do you're Soul Reaper thing!" Illidan ordered.

"I can't," Kael'thas replied. "You know how it works Illidan, my soul has to leave my body."

"We'd need a warlock to do that," Jaina muttered watching as Thrall tried to tank Murkilla away from the wounded Varian.

"Oh for the love of god you people are morons," Illidan snapped. "I'm a Demon hunter! We're like a freaky fusion of hunters, warlocks, and rouges!"

"So you can pull his soul out of his body?" Jaina asked.

"Correct! Kael'thas hold still!" Illidan ordered raising his hands.

"Is this going to hurt?" Kael'thas asked.

"Probably," Illidan replied before blasting Kael'thas. Kael'thas yelled before his Soul Reaper form was sent flying out of his body, Zampaktou in hand. His body slumped over as he struggled to his feet.

"Okay that hurt..." Kael'thas said.

"Shut up and kill Murkilla!" Illidan snapped.

"Okay!" Kael said before he charged Murkilla. The giant Murloc roared and swung at Kael'thas dove under its attack and slashed at its underside. Murkilla roared but then slammed its massive flippered foot into Kael'thas sending him flying into the wall.

"Well shit," Jaina muttered.

"He wasn't queit prepared," Illidan stated before Murkilla roared at them.

"AH!!" Both screamed before running away.

* * *

Meanwhile Kael'thas once more found himself inside of his little inner world place with the Pheonix man standing over him.

"So I'm back here again?" He said.

"Pretty much," the pheonix man replied.

"So what do I do now?" Kell'this asked.

"Oh let me take over?" Kael'thas said appearing behind him.

"No," Kell'this replied.

"Why not?" Kael'thas demanded.

"Because your a big fat poopy face," Kell'this snapped.

"Poopy face?" Kael'thas said incredulous. "I'm not fat."

"Kell'this, you have the power to save yourself and your friends. I have the power, but you must ask for it." The pheonix man stated.

"Can I just ask you to loan it?" Kell'this asked.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Fine," Kell'this said.

"Just listen for my name," the Pheonix man said as the world began to fad. "Face you enemy. And maybe you can hear my name."

* * *

Murkilla roared its mighty gurrgle and swung at Varian who was running into the battle again. Varian was buffeted by the attack and stunned.

"It doesn't have any mana I can burn!" Lor'themar yelled.

"I can't silence it either!" Sylvanas added.

"Just keep hitting him!" Thrall roared firing off a chain lightning at Murkilla but its mighty hide was to strong for even the most powerful shaman in the World of Warcraft to battle.

"Is there nothing that can harm this beast?" Cairne demanded.

"I'll use beast lore," Vereesa said using beast lore. Then she frowned. "High damage done by Shadow."

"We need a Warlock," Jaina said firing off another wave of arcane missiles.

"Where in the blazes are we supposed to get one of 'em?" Magni demanded. "Warlock's are evil or chaoticly neutral in alignment, no faction would have them as their leader except the shadow council."

"What about a Death Knight?" Rhonin suggested.

"Do we have any Death Knights?" Varian said rhetorically.

"Please don't mention Death Knights," Jaina said uncomfrotably.

"Oh right. Sorry," Varian muttered.

Murkilla roared again and sent him flying.

"Well there goes the tank," Magni muttered. "Smoke if ya got 'em."

Then suddenly Murkilla gave out a mighty roar as Kael'thas landed on its back and jabbed his Zanpaktou into its shoulder.

"Don't worry guys I got this," Kael'thas said even as Murkilla shook violently and he yelled in alarm trying to hold on for dear life.

"Kael'thas get down from there!" Illidan snapped.

"I got this!" Kael'thas yelled as Murkilla tried to swat him off. He pulled his sword out and jumped over to the other shoulder. "Okay big fish thingy," he said leveling his sword. "I think you should know the name of my Zanpaktou."

"Wait he figured it out?" Varian said.

"For an otaku like him its no suprise," Illidan muttered.

Kael'thas closed his eyes. "Scorch all, Fenikkusu!"

Then Kael'thas's sword transfomed into a sickle like Katanna, with a crimson hilt, gold filigery and runes along the inside curve of the blade, and a gleaming gold wrap running from the hilt onto Kael'thas's arm.

"Alright Kael'thas," Illidan said.

"So we're not screwed anymore?" Lor'themar checked.

"Na mon," Vol'jin replied.

Then Kael'thas hacked at Murkilla's shoulder and Murkilla roared in rang as blood sprayed form its wound. It through Kael'thas off and Kael'thas back flipped in the air.

"Burn! Fenikkusu!" Kael'thas yelled swinging his blade. Flames shot from the sword and scorched Murkilla.

"Ah shit," Vereesa muttered.

"What?" Jaina asked.

"According to this Murkilla has a fire damage resistance of seventy percent," Vereesa dead panned.

"Ah crap," Sylvanas muttered.

Then with roar Murkilla shook of the flames and swung at Kael'thas.

"Oh poopy," Kael'thas muttered.

Then Murkilla's flipper connected and Kael'thas crashed into the ceiling before he hit the ground hard.

"Ouch," everyone said wincing.

"Yeah we're screwed," Varian said dismally.

"Rune blade Byfrost go!" Yelled and echoing elven voice!

Everyone turned about to see a pale skined ice blue haired blood elf in heavy plate armor come crashing through the doors and slash his mighty rune blade into Murkilla. The Murloc roared in pain thrashing about, trying to through the new comer off.

"Certianly has a flair for dramatics," said a pale skinned man with purple marks over his eyes and white hair. In each of his hands was a rune blade.

"Thassarian?" Varian said suprised.

"And me!" Koltari yelled struggling to remain in place.

"Its about time we caught up with you all," Thassarian said. "We've been looking for you all for over a week."

"Umm... hate to interupt but theres a giant Murloc trying to kill all of us still," Jaina pointed out.

"Oh right," Thassarian said pulling a thing of Ipod speakers from a bag and plugged them in.

"What the hell are you doing?" Varian demanded.

"Ever heard the phrase music soothes the savage beast?" Thassarian asked plugging in his Ipod.

From the speakers then roared a song by the Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieftans.

Sarumo: '_From the coast of Westfall_

_To Black Fathom Deeps_

_Silent I'll hunt you_

_Silent I will creep'_

Koltari pulled his rune blade out of Murkilla who began to head bang to the music.

"Right time for us all to leave," Thassarian said ushering them all out the doors with Illidan and Jaina dragging Kael'thas.

The moment they were all out Koltari slammed the door behind them.

"Okay now can you tell us what the two of you are doing here?" Thrall asked.

"Well you all have been missing for queit some time now and Blizzard got worried. So since we really had nothing better to do they sent us to find you," Thassarian explained.

"Glad to know we were missed," Cairne said.

"Yeah well we need you guys for Cataclysm and other issues..." Koltari said sheepishly.

"What other issues?" Sylvanas asked.

"Umm... how does Garrosh his begun clear cutting sections of Ashenvale, Staghelms escalating the battles in Warsong by throwing in demon hunters, and both of them have driven the Horde and Alliance economies into the dirt sound?" Thassarian asked.

Tyrande, Varian, and Thrall looked at eachother and all groaned at the same time.

"Oh just perfect," they all muttered.

"Oh and the gnomes discovered communism, over through the High Tinkerer, and have layed siege to Gnommergan," Koltari added.

"What?" Magni gasped.

"So whats been up with you all?" Thassarian asked.

Ten minutes later...

Thassarian and Koltari just stared at the facton leaders and two raid bosses in utter confusion.

"Wait so your saying that he had a naked picture of Alexstrasza?" Thassarian checked.

"Yep," Lor'themar said nodding.

"Lucky bastard," Koltari muttered. "All I've got is that one of Thassarian's sister."

"Oh funny," Thassarian growled.

"Anyways naked pitcures aside what do we do about Deathwing?" Jaina asked.

"We'll alert Blizzard head quarters via our rings of communication," Thassarian replied. "They'll be ready for him."

"With what?" Magni demanded.

"You remember Grunty the Murloc Marine?" Koltari asked.

"Yeah, the pet from Blizzcon?" Rhonin checked.

"Well imagen one thousand two hundred Grunty's Level 80 Elite that deal over 1200 damage per spray of bullets," Thassarian stated.

There was a silence.

"Awesome," Kael'thas said looking up.

"In any case that might not be enough," Koltari said. "We should head for Blizzard Head Quarters at once."

"Right," Lor'themar agreed. "Everyone to McBadass!"

"The what?" Koltari asked.

"Just get in Lor'themar's monster," Jaina said in annoyance.

They clambered aboard and Lor'themar gunned the engines.

"Wait, didn't Hogger slash the tires?" Vereesa said.

"Don't worry we have back ups!" Lor'themar proclaimed hitting a button on the dash board.

The old slashed tires blasted off and brand new ones auto inflated in their places.

"See? We were prepared," Illidan said.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats the chapter. Might be taking a break from this for a bit though so updates may be slow. Read and review.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Ranger24: And here's the new chapter folks!

* * *

**

Chapter 28: Wrath of women.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Twelve hours after running into Deathwing....

"So how long till we reach Blizzard?" Varian asked.

"We're not going straight to Blizzard," Thassarian replied.

"What?" Jaina asked quickly.

"We need a more powerfull weapon to defeat a raid boss that hasn't even been released yet," Koltari replied.

"And who would have such a weapon?" Cairne asked.

"The last most powerful raid boss," Thassarian answered.

At this Lor'themar slammed the brakes.

"You mean?" He said turning around.

"Oh hell no!" Illidan said.

"I'm afraid so," Koltari replied.

"You mean he's in this world!?" Varian said horrified.

"Well he's in a pocket dimension Blizzard had constructed for him. But yes," Thassarian replied.

"Oh my god his ego's that big these days?!" Jaina said alarmed.

"Illidan who are you all talking about?" Kael'thas asked.

"Arthas Menethil," Illidan growled. "Aka the Lich King."

"Former, Lich King," Thassarian noted.

"Oh I've been waiting for this," Sylvanas said pulling on some brass knuckles.

"Get in line," Jaina stated pulling out a baseball bat with nails in it.

"The line starts behind me," Illidan said raising a can of hair spray and a lighter. "See I was prepared."

* * *

Several hours later in San Fransisco...

"So let me get this straight," Varian said as they all stood underneath the Golden Gate bridge. "The Entrance to Arthas's retirement pad is under the Golden Gate Bridge?"

"Yeah, don't ask how Blizzard pulled this off," Koltari said.

"Thing is only two of us should go through the portal," Thassarian noted.

"Hey where are Jaina and Sylvanas?" Lor'themar asked.

Then suddenly the two women charged past them into the portal, loaded with more weapons than a red necks shed armory.

"Well, I'd say Arthas is screwed," Thrall stated.

"He's not prepared. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Illidan stated.

"When did he scorn Sylvanas? I didn't know they were an item," Cairne asked.

"They aren't but you should never piss of a Windrunner," Rhonin replied.

"I would probably say a sometin about 'dat but knowin' Sylvanas I ain't gonna question dat," Vol'jin replied.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Pudding!" Velen said happily.

"Who let him out of the happy room?" Magni demanded.

Meanwhile Jaina and Sylvanas suffered the strange Doctor Who opening style portal passage. Finally crashed out on a snow covered plain. The two of them stood upbrushing off the snow flakes and look up and simply stared.

"This is Arthas's retirement pad?" Sylvanas said incredulous.

"Well, knowing the guy are you really suprised?" Jaina asked.

"No," Sylvanas admitted.

Before them was a massive fortress of Saronite that was double the size of Icecrown Citadel, lined with tattered banners of Lordaeron, and had a hot tub built into it.

"Well only one thing to do now," Jaina stated pulling up an assault rifle and pulling down a Hockey mask.

"You ready?" Sylvanas asked, pulling down her own hockey mask.

"Always," Jaina replied flicking the safety off.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Deep within the massive pad; complete with museum, forty yard heated pool, forty car garage, Play Elf Magazine Library, Moonwell, full gym, mount stable, twenty four bed rooms, solid gold toilet, 220 acre lawn, armory, and complete full scale reproduction of the Halls of Reflection. Deep within this sanctum of awesome was a full sound studio from which pounded heavy guitar chords. Within the chamber was Arthas Mcgiggles Menethil. Okay so his middle name wasn't Mcgiggles but I just like poking fun.

Arthas's gauntleted hands strummed the guitar and plucked the strings in perfect time for playing the lead guitar for Power of the Horde. His hands flew across the strings with perfect percision nailing every note with out fail until he finished the song with one final epic power chord. Song finished he looked up at the video screen above him.

"So what do you guys think?" He asked the soon-to-be Level 85 Elite Tauren Cheiftans.

"You still got it dude," Sarumo replied.

"Thanks," Arthas replied. "So are my all access passes still good?"

"Yep," Sig Nicholas stated.

"Sweet," Arthas said grinning.

"So we'll keep in touch with you and call you if there are any changes in plans," Sarumo said.

"Leets dudes," Arthas said before the monitor turned off. He hung up the guitar on a hook and stepped out into the hall ways and made his way to his throne room and seated himself down in the Halls of Reflection as Kel'thuzad floated in holding a tray of drinks.

"I still don't see why I have to be your butler," Kel'thuzad muttered.

"Because I'm one of the most popular characters Blizzard ever made," Arthas replied taking a drink from the the tray.

"God, sometimes you can be a real asshole," Kel'thuzad muttered.

"Enough of you're bitching Kel'thuzad, do you have my catalogue of hoes?" Arthas asked.

"No sir, I'll go and get it," Kel'thuzad replied before leaving the room.

Arthas smiled pressing a button on the side of his throne and an ottamon poped up under neath his feet and the throne reclined for him. Then the TV lowered itself from the ceiling and instantly turned onto the Grifball channel.

"Ah, nothing like a game thats nothing but senseless violence," Arthas said contentedly.

Then a rattling sound reached his ears from below him and he frowned. He pressed another button on his throne.

"Bloodbane, whats going on down there?" He demanded.

"We need men sir!"

Arthas blinked in confusion for a moment.

"Dude, we have mail order hoes, when was the last time you spent a night with-"

"NO! I meant we need more men to help fight! We're underattack!"

"What?!" Arthas demanded.

"My lord! They're unstoppable! They just ripped Rivendare's arm off, beat his teeth out of him, made a chainsaw out of the arm and teeth, and shove it up his ass!" Orbaz Bloodbane screamed.

Arthas blinked once more in confusion.

"You're not playing some kind of retirement prank on me are you?" Arthas checked.

"Sir! They just beat up the riders of the apocolypse!"

"Well I think my elite Death Knights can take on two... Who are you fighting exactly?" Arthas asked.

"Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas Windrunner!" Orbaz screamed.

Arthas froze on his throne and dropped his glass of burbon.

"Get the Frost Wyrms in there now!" He ordered.

"They just shoved a shot gun in Lanathel's...! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!" Orbaz screamed as there came the sounds of his ass totally being kicked by the angry women.

"KEL'THUZAD GET IN HERE!!" Arthas yelled.

Kel'thuzad floated in looking rather annoyed.

"Yes my lord what is it?" He asked.

"Commence lockdown!" Arthas ordered.

"Why?"

"Because my crazy ex and Sylvanas are coming to kick my ass!" Arthas snapped.

"Oh," Kel'thuzad said before hitting a button and the doors sealed themselves shut with a solid Saronite locks.

Arthas rose to his feet and took the broken Frostmourne from its pedastel.

"What's that going to do?" Kel'thuzad demanded.

"You ever watch Lord of the Rings?" Arthas asked.

Suddenly there came a brutal hammering on the doors. Several dents began to appear in them.

"Oh shit," Kel'thuzad muttered.

"To the escape pod!" Arthas proclaimed.

Before they could make their quick escape however the doors gave out behind them! Then in came Sylvanas and Jaina looking utterly pissed off.

"ARTHAS!!!" Sylvanas roared.

Kel'thuzad turned to Arthas.

"Yeah I'm sorry to see but I have to take leave of absence," Kel'thuzad stated.

"Oh you son of a bitch," Arthas hissed.

Jaina cradcked her knuckles.

"Umm... I'm sure we can come to an agreement?" Arthas said quickly.

* * *

Finally Rhonin was able to widen the portal enough to allow Lor'themar, Illidan, Varain, Thassarian, Thrall, and Vereesa came through to find utter carnage. Arthas's pad was and utter smoking ruin.

"Holy shit," Lor'themar muttered in awe.

"Well let's see if we can find the peice of raid loot," Thassarian muttered hefting his rune blades.

They entered and found more carnage. Abominations that had been made into utter pulped organs, Ghouls that had been torn to shreds, various undead ripped to tiny peices, and a necromancer or two with his own staff shoved through his stomach.

"Talk about pwned," Varain muttered.

They continued on into the massive chamber of death knights and Thassarian gaged.

"Holy f*ck on a **** sandwhich with **** on top," Vereesa said.

The Death Knights hadn't stood a chance. Baron Rivendare had his arm shoved in his rear end, the other three riders of the apocolypse had been beaten to a bloody pulp. Then beyond them were the San'lyan who were in an equal if not greater state of dissary. Blood Queen Lana'thel had a shot gun shoved ip her... well. She also happened to be nailed to cross with fangs taken from the other blood princes.

"So what are we looking for?" Thrall asked.

"The most powerfull weapon in the universe," Thassarian said seriously.

"The Death star?" Lor'themar checked.

"Nope," Thassarian said leading them up higher until they reached the entrance to the halls of Reflection. They came upon the ruined door and saw the horror within.

"By all that is holy," Varain whispered.

Inside was Kel'thuzad curled up in a ball whimpering while Arthas was completely frozen into a block of ice covered in huge amounts of wounds. The Ice block was covered in gashes from where Sylvanas and Jaina had smashed at the Ice trying to get at Arthas.

"So where'd those two get to now?" Varian wondered.

They made their way out of the halls to find Jaina and Sylvanas leaning against the Frozen walls panting heavily.

"Well looks like you both had fun," Thrall said bemused.

"Shut... the... fuck... up..." Sylvanas growled.

"So where's the loot?" Lor'themar asked.

"Should be just ahead," Thassarian replied.

They rounded a bend and just ahead of them was a large chest.

"Bingo," Thassarian said brightly walking over to the chest. He swept out his swords and hacked the lid off. He then pulled a long pole out of the chest and tied it to his back.

"Thats it?" Thrall checked.

"Yep," Thassarian replied. "Now let's get going."

"One second," Illidan said walking over the frozen Arthas.

"What are you..." Vereesa started but then Illidan dropped trow. Then there came the sound of liquid striking ice.

"Are you pissing on Arthas?" Varian asked incredulous.

"Yep," Illidan said simply.

"Thats distrubing," Thrall dead panned.

"Well screw you then I'm enjoying myself," Illidan replied. "I've prepared myself for this."

"So thats why you drank all those 42 ounce lemonades," Lor'themar said.

"Yeah, now please shut up. I want to enjoy this."

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats the chapter. Yeah. Oh well Read and review.[**


	29. Chapter 29

Cast Interviews

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hey folks," a blood elf with black fox tail hair and wearing teir nine paladin raid armor said. "My name is Randwin; Paladin, Blood Knight, and lover extraordinar."

"Oh please," the camera man muttered.

Randwin simply glared at the Camera man for a moment before continuing.

"Anyways, I'm here from Ranger24 to tell you all that there is going to be a bit of a delay on the release of the next few chapters of Road Trip of Madness. This is due to a myraid of issue's that Ranger24 is facing from trying to get into college, to getting everything hung together to go to Florida Supercon on July the 19th and 20th. If you happen to be there look for the really tall guy in a green hood and cloak. Serioursly guys six foot eight, you can't miss him." Randwin explained. "To fill time and keep everyone from getting more pissed off than a raid group with a bad tank and only one decent healer I'm here to do a few interviews with some of the cast members of this ridiclous pile of shit the writer calls a comedic work."

Motions to what are clearly several dressing room doors.

"Anyways might as well start with Kael'thas and Illidan who for hilarity's sake have to share a dressing room," Randwin said opening the door. He immedatly regreted it as inside Kael'thas and Illidan were doing the Carmelladasen. He qucikly shut the door and turned back to the camera.

"I don't even want to know," he muttered.

Randwin then made his way to the next door. "Okay now lets see what Vol'jin's doing?"

Randwin opened the door to find Vol'jin playing Dance Dance revolution.

"Ja mon?" Vol'jin asked with out turning his head from the screen.

"A mister Vol'jin some people were just wandering what you thougths were on the progress of the story?" Randwin asked.

"Progress?" Vol'jin huffed. "Tell dat asshole Ranger24 ta get back to work!"

"Okay then," Randwin said sweat dropping before exiting Vo'jins room. Randwin sighed. "Oh my god this is going to be a pain in the ass to talk to all of these people."

"Well what else can we do?" The camera man asked.

"I don't know! Roll a trailer for the finale!" Randwin suggested.

"Do we have one of those?" The camera man asked.

"Hell if I know," Randwin muttered.

Trailer!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_"Wait does he really have to give another disclaimer notice?" Randwin asked._

_"Who knows," The camera man replied._

Cut to a pan over of Blizzard HQ in Irvine California.

_"For more than nine years, I've worked to ensure the glory of the Horde," _Thrall voice overed. _"To bring Orcs, Tauren, Trolls, up from being chaotically neutral to True Evil to become Good in alignment."_

Camera pan continues.

_"With the aid of Blizzard my fellow Characters and I have woven a compelling narrative that has captured the minds of millions." _Thrall continued.

Flash to Azeroth, Orgrimmar, Stormwind, and other cities.

"_Players battle their way across vast territories," _Thrall continued.

Flash to Silvermoon, Exodar, Shattrath, the Black Temple, and Quel'danas.

_"The world expanded," _Thrall continued as Lor'themar and Velen flashed into view. _"And heros battle the forces of both the Burning Legion and a seriously character derailed Illidan."_

Flash to Northrend.

_"They faced the horrors of the Scourge and its non character derailed leader."_ Thrall Continued as Camera panned over Arthas.

Flash to Thrall as rushed down a darkened hallway the sounds off gun fire and explosions echoing around him.

"And yet now, it is we, their leaders who must prove ourselves against one who would destroy us all." Thrall said rounding a corner to find a chaotic battle raging. Gnolls battle Murloc Marines and the other faction leaders whilst death wing viciously attacked Varian Wrynn. Thrall glared down into the chaos raising his hammer.

_"And If we must give our lives. So be it," _Thrall continued Pulling Velen to his feet to use him as a meat shield.

"Where's my pudding?" Velen asked in all his senile stupidity.

"_As long as this guy goes first_," Thrall thought before chagrining into the battle!_  
_

Then everything cut to black.

_"Or the crazy dragon aspect, either is good_." Thrall added.

(Que Stereotypical epic movie trailer music, preferably something from Lord of the rings.)

Cut to Sylvanas kissing Lor'themar!

Cut to Varian Struggling in Dath wings grip!

Cut to Illidan and Kael'thas battling countless Gnolls!

Cut to Vol'jin doing an epic jump over a chasm!

Cut to Jaina being completely surrounded.

Cut to Rhonin getting attacked by Hogger!

Cut to Cairne falling to one knee in pain!

Cut to... Nova from Starcraft glomping Thrall? Seriously what is with this guy and blondes?

Cut to Magni hanging over a chasm dangerously!

Cut to Thrall And Varian standing back to back surrounded by Gnolls and Black Dragon kin.

"Think you can handle this many?" Varian growled.

"The hell do you think?" Thrall demanded.

**Some time before the end of summer!**

**Road Trip of Inasnity!**

**Comes to an end!**

**In an epic four part story climax!**

**IN 3D!**

_"Okay what?" Randwin demanded._

**Oh I'm just kidding.**

Cut to the McBadass rolling down the highway.

"Are we there yet?" Kael'thas asked.

"No," Lor'themar growled.

"Are we there yet?" Kael'thas asked again.

"Some one shut him up!" Lor'themar growled.

In response Thrall hit Kael'thas over the back of the head with the Doomhammer.

"Dude not cool!" Illidan snapped. "He's had enough head injuries as it is!"

* * *

**Ranger24: Thats right folks the end is near! Repent! REPENT!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Ranger24: Sorry for the wait folks. Starcraft 2 happened... So yeah.**

* * *

Chapter 29: The Begining of the end.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Are we there yet?" Kael'thas asked.

"No," Lor'themar growled.

"Are we there yet?" Kael'thas asked again.

"Some one shut him up!" Lor'themar growled.

In response Thrall hit Kael'thas over the back of the head with the Doomhammer.

"Dude not cool!" Illidan snapped. "He's had enough head injuries as it is!"

Varian shook his head and turned to Thrall, Thassarian, and Koltari.

"So anyways what are we supposed to with the loot?" Varian asked.

"We need to get to Blizzard headquarters and use it against Deathwing," Thassarian replied. "Deathwing's only option to accomplish his objective is to actively drain the power from the Grand BattleNet server."

"The what?" Thrall asked.

"The Grand BattleNet serve is the most powerful server in the world. Without it BattleNet would collapse." Koltari explained.

"Holy shit," Varian muttered.

"Thats not all, a drain of that magnitude would take out the entire internet with it," Thassarian added.

"How long would it go down for?" Thrall asked.

"Forever," Koltari replied.

"My god..." Varian whispered.

"Aside from the Murlocs whats defending headquarters?" Thrall asked.

Thassarian answered this time. "We have the most brillant tactical minds on battlenet defending it with a combination of Murloc Marines, Thors, and Tauren Marines all under the command of..."

* * *

Meanwhile at Blizzard Headquarters...

Deep Beneath Blizzard Headquarters was a massive hollowed out cavern, with in it was a rapidly moving mass of Murlocs and Tauren amongst several dozen lumbering Thors. There were also the odd Night elf or Blood nurse walking around but everyone was trying to to pay them much mind due to their skimpy outfits. In the midst of this chaos was one man, smoking a cuban.

"Commander," A tauren reported. "All patrols are set and barricades have been established."

Jim Raynor nodded, taking a drag on his cigar.

"Good," he commented. "Is the Odin ready for me?"

"Its under going final armorment as we speak."

Raynor nodded. "I want to address the men."

The Tauren nodded. "Understood sir."

"What's the ETA on our ace in the hole?" Raynor asked to one of his other Tauren officers.

"Last report indicated they were some miles away," The Tauren replied. "Best bet is two hours."

"And how long until Deathwing gets here?" Raynor asked.

"Thirty minutes."

Raynor cursed taking a drag on his cigar. "I picked a hell of a week to put off drinking."

* * *

"So Raynor's running the show?" Varian clarified.

"Exactly," Koltira replied. "Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty was such a success they instantly made him the head of security at Blizzard."

"Jim Raynor," Thrall muttered. "I haven't seen him since my frat days."

"You went to college?" Varian said suprised.

"Yeah," Thrall replied. "The Tokyo University of Game Characters. Or TUGC, for short."

"What did you major in?" Varian asked.

"Leadership, with a minor in acting," Thrall replied. "I wonder if he still has the matching tatoos we got after we stole Solid Snakes box on a pledge dare?"

"You stole Solid Snake's box?" Illidan said suprised.

"Oh yeah, we got the tatoos to cover the bullet wounds." Thrall replied.

"Where's the tatoo?" Vareesa asked.

Thrall the turned around bent over and pulled down his pants.

"OH GOD!" Tyrande screamed.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats afraid where I have to end it tonight folks. Not enough time to keep writing and I start college tomorrow. **

**But on the good news side...**

**I RANGER24 ANNOUNCE THE PLANNED SEQUEL TO ROAD TRIP OF MADNESS! PORTAL INSANITY!**

**Yes the cake is a lie.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Ranger24: Ladies and Gentlemen! I RETURN! **

**Also a sequel/spin off of this story has begun folks! Band of Scrappies! Staring Lor'themar, and an ass load of characters from various other series's. You can find it in the XOvers section or through my profile page.**

**Anyways on with the chapter.

* * *

**

Chapter 30: Burning skies.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Back at Blizzard HQ the defenders gathered around the central command center, some looking rather shakey in terms of morale.

"ATTENTION!" A Sergeant called out as Raynor took the small stage in front of the command center.

All of the defenders snapped to attention and saluted. Raynor returned the salute.

"At ease boys," he said gruffly.

The defenders relaxed and Raynor put his cigar out in the ash tray on the podium.

"Alright folks," he began his voice grim. "I know what you're thinking. Why am I standing here listening to this old windbag banter on while a giant dragons on his way to kill us?" Raynor scowled. "Well Listen up, there's a reason I'm doing this and thats because I care about this battle. If Deathwing drains the server its all over for us. And I'll be damned if some dragon thinks he can take out Battlenet without my boot going up his ass!"

The men cheered but then there came a cold a malicous laugh.

_"Bold words mortal!" _Deathwing mocked. _"But all your Bravado will not save you from my wrath! PREPARE FOR THE END!"_

Raynor hit his ear peice instantly.

"Matt where is that bastard?" He demanded.

_"He's just come within visual range of HQ_," Matt Horner replied. "_And he brought friends_."

Raynor cursed.

"Launch all air unit, weapons free but tell the to do as much damage as they can to Deathwing!" He ordered.

"_Yes sir_!"

Raynor then turned back to the ground defenders.

"You heard him boys! Battle stations!" Raynor barked.

The defenders rushed to their battle stations and Raynor turned to face the Odin. He sighed.

"A picked the wrong day to quit Stim packs," he muttered

As Deathwing began his final approach on Blizzard Head Quarters the answer to his challange came. Hurtling across the skies towards him were hundreds of Viking and Wraith fighters all with weapons gleaming and ready to engage. Deathwing smirked and nodded to the waves of Twilight drakes flying behind him.

"Get them," He hissed.

The drakes roared and flew ahead to engage the fighters which opened up. Dozens of drakes blew apart as missiles struck them but within a minute the fighters were in range of the drakes own attacks. Claws ripped through armor plating like hot knives through butter, fire detonated fuel lines and munitions or roasted the pilots alive in their planes.

Then Deathwing came upon the fighters. He tore into them with a mighty roar and with his sheer bulk knocked a half dozen fighters out of the air violently. Jets of magma burst forth from his maw evaporating even more. One or two luckless drakes were unfortunate enough to get caught in the blast but he cared not. They were cannon fodder, cheap and expendable.

Below on the ground waves of trucks rolled forward towards Blizzard each loaded with dozens of Gnolls. As they entered the parking lot however Predition turrets came to life and loosed jets of flames! Many trucks became flaming coffins that ended up crashing into the turrets. Closer to the main entrance two bunkers with attached shriker turrets and supporting siege tanks opened up on the trucks. Dozens were consumed by flaming death but many more broke through. The lead trucks crashed right into the defenses and exploded.

The rest came to a halt outside the head quarters and the gnolls poured out by the hundreds raising their weapons. They swept into the Blizzard Headquarters screaming battle cries.

Deathwing swooped down from the air battle and transformed into his human form. He kicked aside a gnoll viciously and continued on to the doors.

All going to plan.

"Twenty five bottles of beer on the wall, Twenty five bottles of beer!" Kael'thas sang brightly.

"Can we please kill him and say Deathwing did it?" Koltria growled glaring at the mad prince.

"Sadly not, his Soul Reaper thing will probably come in handy." Thrall growled.

"Anyone else feel like this stupid trip has taken several months if not a year?" Jaina wondered as she polished her staff.

"Its just you," Sylvanas replied while she filed her nails into jagged nails.

* * *

**Ranger24: And thats the chapter folks! You know when I planned this one out I thought it would be longer. Oh well. Read and review!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Ranger24: Ladies and gentlemen I return to you once again with an update. Enjoy.

* * *

**

Chapter 31: Road Rage

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Coming up on Blizzard Headquarters now!" Lor'themar called back. "Everyone please fasten your seat belts and move your tray tables into the upright position."

"What have we got in opposition?" Thrall asked.

"Lowering periscope," Lor'themar replied.

The periscope dropped down and Thrall took a look through it and cursed.

"Heavy resistance?" Varian checked.

"Extremely," Thrall replied. "Lots of wrecked vehicles making road blocks, and at least a battalion strength force of Gnolls."

"Lor'themar, do we have any weapons that can get us through them?" Varian asked.

"Vol'jin get on the side turret!" Lor'themar called back. "Brining online battering ram and rail gun."

"Rail gun?" Thrall said incredulous as Vol'jin head up to the second deck. "We have a fricking rail gun?"

"We had a whole montage to make it," Lor'themar replied. "Somebody crazy get upon that thing."

Everyone glanced between each other.

"Dibs," Magni said simply before heading up to the top deck.

"Once again, everyone else buckle up. This is going to get bumpy." Lor'themar said grimly.

At exactly that moment the Gnolls sighted them and began to open up with weapons scavenged from the dead. Steel spikes roared into the front of the McBadass; many caught in the bullet proof windshield and stuck in it half way through.

Lor'themar smirked.

"Stupid Gnolls ain't got shit on my ride," he said patting the dash board.

At that moment one spike went right through the windshield and stuck quivering right next to his skull.

"Umm… guys?" He called back.

As if on cue the side door opened up and Vol'jin swung out with the chain gun.

"I be trollin' man!" He cackled before he opened up on the Gnolls. Dozens were ripped to shreds of meat by the high powered weapon as the troll raked them down.

"Gimme a sec," Magni growled.

The a large turret lifted up from the top of the McBadass and two long barrels emerged from it. They crackled with electrical charges before firing a continuous stream of hyper velocity death at the the road block blasting it into shrapnel.

"I gottta get one of these fer Iron Forge," Magni muttered as he continued blasting.

The McBadass roared on smashing through debris with its battering ram and flattening Gnolls as it went. The Gnolls however refused to give up on their assault.

A spike blasted off the McBadass's left rear view mirror and Lor'themar swore violently. He pulled the gun he'd used to kill the map out of the glove box and rolled down the window.

"Suck lead dog face!" He cried before he opened fire.

As he did so however a Twilight Drake landed on the front of the McBadass and smashed its head through the windshield!

"Fuck!" Lor'themar yelled putting a round into the Drake's side to no avail.

Suddenly a pair of blades jabbed violently into the Drake's eyes and it screamed out in agony. Sylvanas yanked her blades out and with a vicious slice decapitated the beast.

"Focus on driving," she said drawing out her bow and firing through the hole in the windshield.

"Got it," Lor'themar said returning his focus to the steering wheel.

The McBadass roared on narrowing the gap between itself and the front entrance. The Gnolls who could still fight were unleashing all they had on the Chuck Norris blessed Vehicle. Spikes riddled its plating several of the windows had been blasted in but on it came.

Several gnolls began to gather around the main entrance flanking the doors.

"Their setting up to gun us down as we get out," Sylvanas said firing off another arrow. "We take one step out the door and we'll be cut to pieces!"

"Not on my watch," Lor'themar said. "Hang on to something."

"What are you…?"

Then Lor'themar threw the steering wheel hard right and hit the brakes. The McBadass's brakes screamed in protest at the sudden deceleration!

"Are you trying to get us killed!" Sylvanas exclaimed.

Then she saw gnolls flying over the hood mounted battering ram. Lor'themar had just turned the entire gnolls force into road kill with a power slide. The McBadass came to a screeching halt at the doors and Lor'themar set it in park and picked up the microphone for the McBadass's intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking," Lor'themar said. "We have just arrived at our destination, please secure all luggages and return all tray tables to their upright position. On behalf of everyone here at McBadass transportation we hope you enjoyed your ride and will ride with us again sometime soon."

"YOU FRICKIN' PSYCHOPATH!" Jaina screamed from the back.

"Well that made my day," Sylvanas said brightly.

"Shall we?" Lor'themar said motioning to the door while collecting his sword and shield.

* * *

**Ranger24: And that ladies and gentlemen is the chapter!**

**Yes it was kinda on the short side but I have been rather busy with other projects including the spinoff sequel Band of Scrappies. Currently in its seventh chapter it really needs some love. It includes both characters from this story as well as a massive array of characters from dozens of different franchises.**

**Anyways read and review. **


	33. Chapter 33

**Ranger24: Thou ask for more and though shalt receive more as this writer is an utter whore for reviews.**

* * *

Chapter 33: Separated

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_**Previously on Road Trip of Madness…**_

"Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?" Tirion Fordring asked Varian Wrynn.

Scene switch to Lor'themar being dog piled by Alliance noobs!

"Sweet ancestors!" He screamed.

Scene switch to Jaina in a lab with a grim look on her face.

"I all my years I have never seen a plague multiply this rapidly," she said grimly.

"Kudos to the Royal Apothecary Society," Sylvanas replied.

Scene switch to Magni on the phone.

"Ya need ta cut da blue wire!"

"But dey be all blue mon! Dey all be Blue!" Vol'jin exclaimed.

Scene switich to Kael'thas and Illidan upon Velen's bloody corpse.

"Forty two stab wounds, second degree burns, massive amounts of poison in his blood, and twenty bullet wounds." Illidan reported.

"Defiantly a suicide," Kael'thas replied.

Scene switch

_**And now the conclusion!**_

The Faction Leaders, Death Knights, and raid boss clambered out of the McBadass.

"Everyone okay?" Lor'themar asked.

"Lor'themar you get an F in passanger comfort," Varian growled.

"But you get an A plus in sheer Car Fu skills," Thrall added.

"Thanks," Lor'themar said brightly. "I owe it to countless hours on Xbox Live."

"Halo?" Varian checked.

"Halo." Lor'themar confirmed.

"Moving on," Rhonin said grimly. "Which way do we go from here?"

"Only one way to go," Cairne answered. "Forward."

"One thing first," Illidan said turning to Kael'thas.

"Oh boy," Kael'thas said backing away. "I know where this is going."

"Out of curiosity on a scale of one to ten, how high would you rate having your soul ripped from your body in terms pain?" Jaina asked.

"Eh around seven," Kael'thas replied before Illidan cast his spell.

Kael'thas's body collapsed to the floor while his Soul Reaper form stood there.

"Right, somebody stuff his body in the fridge," Varian ordered.

"Don't put it next to the tuna," Kael'thas said as Vol'jin and Koltira picked up his body and carried it aboard the body. "Otherwise I start to smell like Dolphin."

RTM

Below in the great chamber that housed the grand battlenet server all the defenders stood at the ready. All was silent as death and all eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Then a small crack split across the ceiling and thin amount of dust fell.

"Here they come boys!" Raynor called taking aim at the crack.

All the guns in the chamber followed suit as the crack slowly began to widen and more dust fell.

"Steady boys!" Raynor called.

Then the crack broke apart and a gaping hole was blasted into existence in a jet of fire! Twilight and Black Drake's poured through by the dozens!

"Let it rip boys!" Raynor yelled opening fire with the Odin's arm mounted cannons.

The defenders let loose a vicious stream of death and drakes fell by the bucket load. The drakes did not let up not caring as the bodies of their slain comrades fell about them.

As Raynor's men slaughtered however more cracks opened up and soon the drakes were attacking from three separate points. The defenders began to redirect their fire to try and cover all of the breaches but as their fire slackened one or two Drakes from each hole slipped free of the fire storm every minute or so. Raynor's infantry tried to pick them off with mixed results but the drakes swooped down on the defenders attacking the defenders.

Still it was nothing the defenders or Raynor couldn't handle; the drakes simply couldn't get enough through to decrease the fire rate to any real effect.

Then more cracks appeared in the ceiling and down fell large ramshackle pods. Parachutes burst from the tops of the pods as they fell by the dozens and a few defenders tried to pick them off. A few fell, their parachutes torn to shreds and the pods were riddled with spikes.

Still a few managed to reach the ground. The doors on their sides burst open and out poured whole squads of gnolls waving their weapons and screaming battle cries. Others release dragonkin armed to the teeth and fangs bared, ready for the slaughter.

They charged the defenders and the marines adjusted their aim to self defense and ground based Vikings opened up with their heavy Gatling guns. Bodies slumped to the floor or were blasted apart but the assault did not cease.

"Push 'em back!" Raynor called out firing the Odin's 330mm cannons at a large cluster of Gnolls and Dragonkin.

RTM

"Love that statue of me they had in the lobby," Illidan noted as they made their way out of the lobby.

"So where do we go now?" Varian asked side stepping a pile of dead gnolls riddled with spikes.

Below and throughout the building they could hear the sounds of intense fighting. Screams, gun fire, and the scent of blood permeated the air.

"What a dump," Vereesa observed.

"We sure we aren't at Games Workshop's head quarters?" Rhonin asked.

"Seeing as how there's a statue of Sarah Kerrigan over there I'd say most defiantly no," Sylvanas replied.

"Moving on I'd suggest finding a stair case or something," Thassarian stated. "We need to get down there before Deathwing can take down Battlenet."

"Afraid I can't let ya do that," a gruff voice said.

Then suddenly there was a loud beeping sound from above them.

"C4!" Thrall cried out diving to the right.

The Horde Faction leaders dove to the right, the Alliance to the left, and third party affiliated characters dove forward.

The C4 exploded and the room came down around them! Thrall covered his head with his armored hands as bits of plaster and cement crashed down around him.

As soon as the dust began to settle he pushed himself up and coughed.

"Everyone alright?" He called squinting through the dust.

"I be ok brother," Vol'jin replied.

"It'll take more than that to down me," Cairne answered.

"Sylvanas, Lor'themar?"

"Present," Lor'themar answered emerging from the cloud nursing a bad cut on his left arm while Sylvanas was unharmed. "Remind me to get better armor."

"Warchief, we're cut off." Sylvanas reported grimly.

Thrall turned about to see a massive amount of rubble splitting them off from the rest of the room.

"What now?" Vol'jin asked.

"We push on," Thrall replied. "Find an exit, if we can link up with the others we will."

"You guys okay?"

Thrall stepped back as he saw Kael'thas passing through the wall of rubble.

"How are you…?" Thrall started.

"I'm a Soul Reaper," Kael'thas replied. "I'm super special."

"Well a certain type of special," Lor'themar muttered.

"Is everyone else okay?" Thrall asked.

"Illidan, scary ladies sister, the two spooky dead guys, and the boring guy are okay," Kael'thas answered.

"And the Alliance?"

"I'm checking them next."

"Very well then," Thrall said with a nod. "Inform the others we are continuing onwards. We shall regroup with them if we can."

"Okie-dokey!" Kael'thas replied brightly before phasing back through the wall.

"You know I can do the same thing," Sylvanas replied.

"Keep yourself in your body," Thrall ordered. "If we need to you are our scout."

"What about da rest a us?" Vol'jin asked.

"Stay together and make sure no harm comes to her body," Thrall answered. "Move out!"

They struggled through the wreckage and destruction for a few minutes until they reached a small emergency door. Thrall gave it a yank but it would not budge. Then he drew out the Doom hammer and smashed it down.

"Subtle," Sylvanas commented.

"Keep it quiet," Thrall ordered. "We are going silent from here on in."

* * *

**Ranger24: And that is the chapter folks. Read and review.**


	34. Chapter 34

Birthday tribute

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**And now to celebrate Blizzards 20****th**** anniversary here's Vol'jin and Lor'themar rip roaring drunk doing a little song I wrote based on Journey's Don't Stop Believin'.**

(The two stumble onto the stage as the music starts both rip roaring drunk. Lor'themar stumbles to the microphone.)

Lor'themar: _ Just a Silvermoon girl,_

_Living in a lonely world_

_She took the deep run tram going either way._

(Vol'jin steals the microphone.)

Vol'jin: _Just a mining boy,_

_Born and raised on Mara Sara_

_He took the deep run tram going either way._

(The two fight for the microphone cursing with some quiet exotic words as the music play before they settle on doing it together.)

Lor'themar: _The ETC in an empty bar,_

_Smell of blood and rusty steel._

_For a small they can share the night it goes on and on and on and on._

Both: _Strangers waiting._

_Looking for that decent tank._

_The healer getting pissed._

_Long Nights, people._

_Living for late one good _

_raid._

_Hiding somewhere on the server._

(The two bounce their heads along happily to the music.)

Vol'jin: _Working hard to get my gear._

_Everybody wants a thrill_

_Payin' anything to get a group_

_Just more time._

Lor'themar: _Some win some will lose._

_Warsong Gulch is always Horde._

Vol'jin_: Oh the game it never ends_

_It goes on and on and on and on…_

Both: _Strangers waiting._

_Looking for that decent tank._

_The healer getting pissed._

_Long Nights, people._

_Living for late one good raid._

_Hiding somewhere on the server!_

(Sylvanas suddenly leaps onto the stage with a guitar so awesome it would make your mind explode if I wear to describe it to you and begins playing it like a goddess of rock.)

All three: _Don't stop Believin'!_

_Hold on to that feeling!_

_Long Nights, people!_

_Don't stop Believin'!_

_Hold on_

_Long Nights, people!_

_Don't stop Believin'!_

_Hold on to that feeling!_

_Long Nights, people!_

**Happy Birthday Bliz.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Ranger24: My loyal readers, I have not abandoned you! I come now with a new chapter! Made of awesome and win!**

* * *

Chapter 34: Dragon's vs Giant Frickin Robots.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Could this elevator go any slower?" Jaina asked.

"We Night Elves call them lifts," Tyrande noted.

"Are we really referencing Chronicles of the Annoying Quest?" Magni deadpanned.

"Don't you mean Chronicles of the Annoying Quest Forever," Varian replied.

"Really Varian?" Jaina asked. "A Duke Nukem Joke."

"Please," Varian answered. "If they ever actually release that game I'll make out with an undead woman."

**-One year later after Paxcon 2010-**

_Varian was in Stormwind keep chilling out on his throne when suddenly an undead woman walked in._

"_How the hell did you get in here?" Varian demanded._

"_I'm here from lady Jaina," she answered._

"_Why?"_

_She then pulled out a Print out. _

"_Duke Nukem Forever to be released in May 2011?" Varian exclaimed._

_The undead woman pulled out a tube of lipstick._

"_Pucker up your highness." _

**-Present-**

"Where are we?" Velen asked. "Am I dead?"

"No Velen," Varian sighed. "Sadly no."

RToM

Meanwhile below them the battle continued to rage on. Fire filled the chamber as Flesh meet machine in a horrific clash! In the center of it all the lumbered the Odin easily one shooting anything that dared approach it.

"Keep up the fire!" Raynor barked. "Get SCV's on the turrets and bunker's! If our boys don't have cover they're sitting ducks!"

"JAMES RAYNOR!"

Raynor looked up to see Deathwing descending down upon the battle.

"YOUR END HAS COME!" Deathwing proclaimed! "YOU SHALL HARDLY BE ONE SWALLOW TO ME!"

"Swallow this," Raynor growled firing off a shell right into Deathwing's face.

The round smashed right into Deathwing's face and exploded! The dragon roared in rage and reared back.

"YOU DARE STRIKE ME!" Deathwing screamed in rage. "I WILL OBLITERATE YOU FROM ALL EXISTENCE!"

"Bring it," Raynor replied opening up with the Odin's anti air missiles.

Deathwing loosed a jet of magma and the missiles exploded in midair! Deathwing dived and Raynor opened up with the Odin's main guns. Deathwing's Adamantium plates however shrugged off the impact. Deathwing came down upon the Odin raking it with his claws! Neosteel screamed in protest against the dragon's blow!

Then the Odin's left fist smashed against Deathwing's chest and fired point blank! Deathwing thrashed back with a roar of rage and pain!

"YOU CANNOT EVEN SCRATCH MY HIDE JAMES RAYNOR!" Deathwing roared.

"Then how about I try this?" Raynor answered bringing the 330mm cannons to bear.

Deathwing paused checking his stats quick.

"That might just do it," he muttered.

"Excellent," Raynor said with a smirk before he opened up on the fallen aspect of earth. Deathwing shrieked in rage and pain as the shells slammed into his armor and exploded! The bombardment ripped into him mercilessly blasting off chunks of his armor and driving some sections deeper into his molten skin!

"I'M SO GOING TO ENJOY KILLING YOU!" Deathwing roared.

RToM

"Room's clear," Sylvanas reported lowering her bow.

The Horde leaders moved out of the staircase weapons held in cautious positions. The room they had entered appeared to be another collection of office cubicles. Littered on the floor were several bodies, the armored forms of Terran Marines, the mangy gnolls, and in the center of it all one dead drake.

"Any ideas on how far down we are?" Cairne whispered.

"We went down a good twelve floors," Thrall replied. "We must be getting closer to the battle."

"The bodies be fresh," Vol'jin reported nudging a dead gnoll. "Me be guessing dat we not be far from da front."

Suddenly a crossbow bolt shot into the room going straight for Thrall! Lor'themar snapped up his shield just in time to intercept it!

In charged dozen's of gnolls screaming war cries and waving their weapons!

"LOK'TAR OGAR!" Thrall roared rushing to meet the charge, the Doomhammer held high!

Sylvanas snapped off an arrow catching a gnoll in the throat as Vol'jin brought up his own bow. His shot caught a second gnoll in the eye as Lor'themar and Cairne joined in Thrall's charge. The Orc, Tauren, and Blood Elf smashed into the oncoming tide with the force of a blood thirsty hurricane. Lor'themar sent a gnoll flying over his head with a smash of his shield before he gutted another with his sword, Cairne's sweeping axe strokes downed half a dozen of the attackers in one blow, and whenever the Doomhammer struck gnolls fell dead at Thrall's feet.

But on the gnolls came careless of their loses. Sylvanas and Vol'jin's arrows slew scores of the creatures while Thrall, Cairne, and Lor'themar hacked through them but for each foe they slew five more took his place. Or in the case of Cairne's axe work for every six gnolls he killed thirty took their place. That is a lot of gnolls.

"We can't keep this up forever!" Lor'themar yelled over the tumult.

"Fight on!" Thrall replied. "The elements shall give us aid!"

And with that he loosed and massive chain lightning blast! Dozen's of gnolls collapsed dead and bursts of electricity crackled from their corpses. Thrall then summoned a localized earthquake killing whole platoons of gnolls as they charged into the shuddering floor. The floor gave out beneath the gnolls opening a ten foot in diameter hole in the floor.

"Through the hole now!" Thrall ordered.

"No need to say that twice," Carine, who was now dual wielding a totem club and his axe, said before jumping in.

Sylvanas and Vol'jin dove into the hole next. Lor'themar however was completely surrounded by gnolls and was taking a beating.

"Theron get to the hole!" Thrall called.

"You go!" Lor'themar replied gutting another gnoll. "I'll hold them off!"

"You will be over run," Thrall objected.

"We all will unless someone keeps the Gnolls back!" Lor'themar replied cutting down another gnoll and blocking second gnolls attack. "Go!"

Thrall cursed.

"Ancestors guide your blade Regent Lord," Thrall said before running for the hole.

"The Immortal Sun guide you Warchief," Lor'themar said grimly.

Thrall leapt into the hole and realized quickly he'd blown the ceiling off of a large chamber. He fell and landed with a crash in massive piled of garbage bags.

"Well ain't dis cliché," Vol'jin muttered pulling himself free of the trash.

"Where's Lor'themar?" Sylvanas asked.

"He chose to stay behind and hold the enemy at bay." Thrall answered.

"What!"

"We have to keep moving," Thrall said grimly pushing a pile of bags out of his way. "He might not be able to hold them much longer. "

"You left Lor'themar to die!" Sylvanas snapped.

"You're calling me out?" Thrall growled. "The sins on your soul are far more numerous than mine Sylvanas. Now is not the time for this."

Sylvanas looked about to reply when Thrall found a door and kicked it open.

"Let's move," he stated. "Right now."

Meanwhile above them Lor'themar stepped back into a corner. The Gnolls closed in around him baring their fangs. His gaze fell upon the whole about which several gnolls were gathering.

"Like hell you're following them," he snarled.

Then he rushed the gnoll horde, using his shield as a plow to smash his way through the encirclement. He broke free of their trap and hacked into the gnolls with a vengeance. He drove them back from the hole, hacking off heads and limbs.

He paused by the lip panting heavily. The gnolls gathered round him screaming for blood. He wiped the sweat from his brow and spat on the floor.

"You little mongrels want to test and Sin'dorei's might?" He questioned. "Well then."

He motioned to them with his shield arm.

"Come on."

* * *

**Ranger24: Is this Lor'themar's true final stand? Will I keep trying squeeze more awesome out of him? Did Varian actually kiss an undead? Find out next time!**

**Read and review!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Ranger24: Hey folks got a new update for you. I have not given up on this Fan fic yet! I'm pushing for 200 reviews before stories end folks! Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Chapter 35: Regent Lord

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Why do these stairs have to be so damn long?" Vereesa groaned as she, Rhonin, Kael'thas, Illidan, Koltira, and Thassarian made there way down a ridiculously long staircase.

"Whining about it isn't going to help," Illidan growled.

"Can we take a break?" Kael'thas asked. "My feet are getting tired."

"Kael'thas, you're in your soul form, how can your feet be getting tired?" Illidan demanded.

"Because they can," Kael'thas replied.

"Well then allow me to show them what I think of their exhaustion," Illidan growled raising up his war glaives.

Suddenly a packaged explosive landed right in front of them on the stair case!

"Get down!" Thassarian cried out as he and Koltira summoned up ghouls to shield them.

They hit the deck just before the explosive went off. The ghouls were blasted into bits of meat and chared bone.

Then down from above came Hogger who landed right on top of Rhonin and began punching him repeatedly in the face.

"Now you all die!" Hogger proclaimed.

"Rhonin!" Vereesa cried out drawing her bow and snapping off an arrow.

Hogger however yanked up Rhonin by the neck and the arrow struck him in the shoulder!

"I've got him!" Koltira proclaimed casting Death Grip on Hogger.

To everyones suprise however both Hogger and Rhonin went flying towards Koltira! Rhonin crashed into the Death Knight sending him to the floor. Hogger landed on top of them and raised his axe for the killing blow!

"Scorch all, Fenikkusu!" Kael'thas cried out releaseing his Zanpaktou and knocking Hogger off the Death Knight and mage! The two of them crashed over the railing and began to tumble down the staircase!

"Kael'thas!" Illian called jumping after the two stretching out his wings to slow his fall.

"Its okay we're all fine," Koltira said pushing Rhonin off him.

"Come on," Vereesa said grabbing the two off them by the shoulders, removing her arrow from Rhonin's shoulder. "We have to help them."

"You know I did absolutely nothing during that fight and nothing bad happened to me," Thassarian noted.

"Way to be useless," Rhonin growled bandaging his wound.

**RToM **

"Two hundred ninety three, two hundred ninety four," Lor'themar said as he hacked down gnolls.

He had been holding his position by the lip of the hole for around three minutes now. A heap of bodies formed a bloody wall about the hole providing some added barrier between the enemy and his comerades. His shield was scratched and chipped; the wood, cut from a tree in Eversong, was held in place only by the Sin'dorei crest at its center. His sword was notched and begining to crack, his armor was dented and stained with gore, and his hair had come out of its pony tail and now hung across his back like a cloak.

Still the gnolls came and still he slew them. Dragonkin joined the fray every now and again and he slew them. He had expended most of his mana casting Mass Charms and Mana burns to buy himself a few extra seconds to catch his breath. But he new that he could not keep this up forever.

Another dragonkin charged him and Lor'themar smashed his shield into the beasts face. The shield nearly broke apart but held together, the wood planks on the edge swinging wildly. The Dragonkin stumbled back stunned and Lor'themar plunged his sword into the dragonkins chest. As he moved to draw it out however the blade snapped off and he swore violently. He turned the blade over and began to use the other side as a single bladed sword.

Another group of Gnolls rushed him, around a half dozen of them. He blocked the leader's strike with his shield getting is axe stuck in the shield. He kicked it in the chest and then slashed a seconds head in half with his broken sword. A third however managed to strike him on the hip with its club and he stumbled back with a curse. A fourth Gnoll leapt at him and he impailed it on his sword. Te Fifth however hooked his blade by the guard with its axe and yanked the weapon from his hands. Lor'themar struck the gnoll in the face with his fist and blocked the third gnolls second attack with his ruined shield. He yanked the first gnolls axe out of his shield and brought it down on the third Gnolls head, spliting its skull open like a melon. The First gnoll drew out a knife and charged him again but Lor'themar cut him down with his own axe. The Fifth Gnoll struck him on his weapon arm and Lor'themar's armor failed at last. The axe cut through his mail and through muscle and tendons only to stop at his bone. He gave a cry of pain and dropped the axe he'd taken from the first gnoll and tripped over a corpse. He fell to the blood staind floor and the Gnoll leapt on him raising its weapon for the death blow.

"Get you're flithy paws off me!" Lor'themar snarled before he head butted the Gnoll in the face. He shoved it off him with his good arm and it fell onto the floor. He pushed himself up with his one good arm and then brought his foot down hard on its neck. There was a crack as his foot crushed its wind pipe and the gnoll went still.

He stood there panting, blood dropping from his wounded arm. He'd lost all feeling in it and couldn't budge it with out experincing more intense pain.

Then he heard the sound of bow strings being drawn and he looked up. A dozen gnolls had loaded crossbows pointed at him waiting to fire. Lor'themar weakly brought up his sheild waiting for the bolt storm to strike him.

Then there came a round of mocking clapping.

"Well done Theron, well done." A very familar voice said in mocking tones.

Then a familar grey skinned undead elf entered the chamber a smug look on his face.

"You traitorous dog!" Lor'themar snarled.

Dar'khan Darthir laughed.

"Suprised," he asked?

"I'll kill you where you stand," Lor'themar snarled readying to charge.

"Don't be a fool Theron!" Dar'khan snapped. "You can barely stand and Deathwing his buffed me up to level 80 elite. You have almost no armor, health, mana, and no weapon."

Lor'themar glared at him.

"Now then I'm here to give you a last chance to surrender," Dar'khan reported. "A chance to aid Deathwing in stopping Cataclysm."

"Why?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Well you see Theron we Elves have once more been given the saft," Dar'khan replied. "While the majority of the old world is getting a full overhaul to improve questing and smooth out leveling the Blood Elf starting zones will have almost no changes and the things they have changed mostly suck."

"Like what?"

"Well the Blood Knights are going to have the Blood Tempered Ransuer replaced by one of three maces each on focused towards either DPS, Tanking, or healing. They are also making it so you get all the items in Shadow Fang Keep and they are removing the quest where a new Blood Knight fights several other low level Paladins," Dar'khan replied. "They also haven't updated the questing and have left it the way it was in the Burning Crusade. This will inevitably result in Blood Elf players ditching Quel'thalas to level in Durotar, Tirisfall Glades, Silverpine, and Azshara."

"Your point?"

"Open your eyes you weak minded fool!" Dar'khan snapped. "Blizzard doesn't give a rats ass about the Blood Elves! Why do you think that in the Quel'delar Quest line you come off as a bit of an ass and even your dear friend Hauldron Brightwing bad mouths you! The only character development your getting is a piece of Fanfiction made canon by Blizzard! You've been forgotten about in novel after novel, getting only a side mention in _Tides of Darkness_. Your just that Blood Elf Guy, on the forums."

Dar'khan then stretched out a hand to Lor'themar.

"Deathwing plans to stop that, to end it all. He will take down World of Warcraft and you will be able to bow out gracefully. A character who remains an enigma to have slash fanfiction written about," Dar'khan explained. "He's giving us a quiet, peaceful death. No pain, just a bliss of nothingness. Help us Theron."

Lor'themar was silent for a moment, his face hidden behind his blood stained silver blond hair. Then he spoke.

"Dar'khan, you don't get me at all do you?" He said straightening.

He brushed aside his hair and then wiped away a flesh colored paste from around his left eye revealing a scar. Then he pulled off the contact lense he wore over the eye revealing it to be milky white.

"You see this?" He asked pointing to his eye. "I gave my eye protecting Quel'thalas. I have lived all of my life as a side character; Sylvanas's second in command, the baby sitter to Kael'thas, the Aragorn to Kalecgos in _The Sunwell Trilogy_, one of the lesser known faction leaders of the Horde. And you know what? I DON'T CARE! I fight not for personal glory, nor do I strive for power like you, I fight for the people of Quel'thalas from Quel'danas to Tranquelien! I fight for the Sin'dorei, and as long as there is but one breath in my body I shall fight on! I may not get the credit or recognition, nor does Blizzard cut me any slack but I haven't asked for any."

Then he pointed to Dar'khan.

"You are a traitor to Quel'thalas, a sniveling coward who only wants power. I despise you and all yo stand for," Lor'themar continued. "I will not now and never will betray my home or my people! I was taught as a ranger of honor, loyalty, and duty. Three things you lack and never will understand."

"Die!" Dar'khan snarled and the gnolls took aim.

"FOR THE SIN'DOREI!" Lor'themar roared charging them!

He drew a knife with his left and threw it at Dar'khan just as the gnolls fired their bolts! He caught four bolts on his battered shield, his armor withstood two more, and two more just missed. One however pierced his shield and struck him in the wrist. Another pierced his left knee cap and another went into his right hip. Lor'themar crashed into the gnolls as Dar'khan gave a scream of rage and pain. Lor'themar looked up to see that his knife had stuck dead in Dar'khan's right eye. The Undead high elf pulled the knife out of his eye socket seething with rage.

"DIE!" Dar'khan roared before he blasted Lor'themar with a shadow bolt sending him flying across the room and into the far wall. Before Lor'themar could do anything another shadow bolt blasted him through the wall and into the next room where he crashed into a cubical. He crawled for another desk trying to find cover as Dar'khan stormed into the room.

"COME OUT THERON!" He roared. "DEATH COMES FOR YOU!"

**RToM**

Meanwhile back in the serve chamber the Odin tipped over as Deathwing crashed into it. The Black Aspect roared in raged clawing open the cockpit. As soon as he had it opened it however two slugs slammed into his eye. Raynor fired off two more slugs from his pistol into Deathwing's face and then swung the Odin's left arm into the Dragon's face. Deathwing was thrown off of the giant mecha and Raynor began to scramble out of the cockpit.

"Who in the hell designed this damn thing so it couldn't push itself back up if it got knocked over on its back?" He wondered a loud.

Deathwing recovered from the eye shoting and roared in utter rage.

"YOU CANNOT RUN JAMES RAYNOR!" He proclaimed. "I SMELL YOUR FEAR!"

"HEROIC LEAP!"

Deathwing whirled his head about just in time for Varian Wrynn to crash into him and plunge his sword into his face!

"YOU!" Deathwing roared furious.

Before he could counter a rain of frozen ice shards rained down on him and a pair of arrows struck him in the neck. Jaina and Tyrande were DPSing from range while Varian tanked.

"For Khaz Modan!" Magni proclaimed joining the attack on Deathwing swinging his axe and hammer.

"FOOLISH FOOLS!" Deathwing roared "YOU CANNOT HOPE TO DEFEAT..."

Then he paused and frowned.

"Where's Velen?" He asked.

"We left him in the hall way and told him to keep watch," Varian replied.

"Probably for the best," Deathwing said with a nod of understanding. "Lord knows what I might catch if I ate him."

There was a silence.

"So keep fighting?" Varian said raising his sword again.

"Sure," Deathwing replied with a shrug before attacking again.

* * *

**Ranger24: And that's the chapter folks! Three chapter remain in this epic pile of spelling and grammar mistakes. Shall Lor'themar survive his battle with Dar'khan Darthir? What of Kael'thas and Hogger? Does the Alliance stand a chance against Deathwing without a healer? Find out the answers to all of these questions and more! Next time on ROAD TRIP OF MADNESS! READ AND REVIEW!**


	37. Chapter 37

Testing the Shield

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hi there folks; I'm Ranger24," Ranger said with a wave of his hand. "The Writer of such popular fanfics as Road Trip Of Madness. Now folks I play a paladin in World Of Warcraft so I know all about the Paladin bubble shield. But Just how strong is it?"

Switch to show a Blood Elf Paladin with Black Fox tail hair cut and wearing a mix of gear thats total score is not quiet enough to do Cataclysm Heroics.

"This ladies and gentlemen is Randwin; my Paladin," Ranger explianed.

"Hey you said their would be chicks and free beer," Randwin said in annoyed tones.

"Hey shut up down there," Ranger snapped. "Anyways he's going to be showing us just how tough the paladin shield is."

"Its called Divine Shield," Randwin interuptted.

"Lets start with something small. Sword thrust from a Alaince Soldier." Ranger said ignoring his Paladin.

An Allaince soldier appeared and charged Randwin.

Randwin cast his Divine Shield and the Alliance soldier fails to do any damage.

"As you can see it does nothing. Let's ramp it up a bit though."

A Horde Demolisher appears and fires on Randwin with his shield still up. The Soldier is killed but Randwin is unharmed.

"Once more no damage," Ranger stated. "Take it up another step with a car."

"Wait what?" Randwin said when a Hummer smashed right into his shield at 70 miles per hour and failed to breach it.

"Once more no damage." Ranger stated. "Siege tank."

"Siege tank!" Randwin said his face falling.

A Siege tank in siege mode opened fire on Randwin but once more his Shield held but the Hummer's wreckage was vaporised.

"Okay this is kinda freaking me out," Randwin said.

"747 crash!"

"WHAT?"

A Boeing 747 crashed into Randwin obliterating the siege tank and demolisher but once more leaving Randwin unharmed.

"For the love of god!" Randwin exclaimed. "9/11 issues man!"

"Yamato cannon."

A Yamato Cannon blast smashed into Randwin but once his shield did not fail.

"MAC round.

Shining Finger.

Erupting Burning Finger.

Covenant Plasma Torpedo.

Turbolaser.

Nuclear warhead.

Cyclonic torpedos.

Super Star Destroyer crash.

FTL drive explosion..."

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMETHING JUST KILL ME ALREADY!" Randwin shrieked as the Exploding FTL drive obliterated the super star destroyers wreckage.

"Colony Drop.

Death Star Super Laser."

"Wait what?" Randwin exclaimed before the Death Star fired on him! The Planet around him exploded but he some how survived.

"Teleporting him to new test site." Ranger said flippping a switch on a console.

Randwin appeared at another bomb range.

"What now!" He demanded. "What else you going to throw at me?"

"GIGA DRILL BREAK."

At this Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggann's massive drill slammed into Randwin's bubble which began to change from gold to red.

"Oh boy..." Randwin gulped.

The drill however failed to peirce.

"Oh thank the light." Randwin said wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Saurfang cleave."

Randwin pratically crapped his pants as Saurfang the elder appeared with his massive axe.

"Oh sweet sunwell," he whispered.

"Saurfang..." Saurfang said raising his axe.

"HAVE MERCY!" Randwin screamed.

"CLEAVE!" Saurfang roared before his axe hit home. Randwin's shield gave out at last and Randwin was sent flying into a worm hole ripped in the space time continum.

"Well there you have it folks," Ranger said. "Divine Shield stops everything short of Saurfang. Now I've got to go find my Paladin. Have a nice day!"


	38. Chapter 38

**Ranger24: Despair not loyal readers! I return to you once more! Kneel before my awesome!**

* * *

Chapter 36: Upgrades

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The Doomhammer swung home again, cracking open another Dragonkin's skull. Thrall then punched his slain opponent in the side of the head sending it to floor where its exposed brains oozed out.

"Clear?" He called.

"Clear," Vol'jin replied wiping his blade on a dead gnolls ragged garments.

"Clear," Cairne replied rubbing the Dragonkin intestines off his hoofs.

"Clear," Sylvanas hissed plucking one of her arrows out of a corpse.

Thrall nodded and wiped the sweat from his brow. They were hopefully nearing the server chamber judging from the increased volume of Gnolls they were fighting.

"We go on then," Thrall said grimly leading them to the next door.

Suddenly the entire room shook and Thrall looked up just in time to jump out of the way as falling debris nearly hit him! He dove into a side room only to watch as the door way he gone through was blocked up by debris.

"Thrall ya okay?" Vol'jin called from behind the rubble.

"I am unharmed," Thrall answered.

"It will take us a while to shift all of this rubble," Cairne said.

"Nevermind," Thrall replied. "Keep going onwards I'll try to find an alternate route."

"You sure brotha?" Vol'jin asked.

"You're wasting time," Thrall answered. "Get moving."

"Understood," Sylvanas replied.

"Be careful Brotha," Vol'jin said.

Thrall pushed himself to his feet.

"Can this get any harder?" He muttered.

**RToM**

Vereesa, Rhonin, Koltira, and Thassarian finally reached the bottom of the stairs completely out of breath.

"Who... The... Hell... Puts... Some many stairs... In one building?" Rhonin panted.

"Oh so glad you could join us!" Illidan said with sarcasm as he tried to keep Hogger from clawing off his face.

"Hiyah!" Kael'thas cried out leaping at Hogger from behind. Hogger however offhand, back handed Kael'thas in the face sending him to the floor.

"Get off the Night elf demon hybrid guy!" Rhonin proclaimed sending a fireball at Hogger.

Hogger leaped off Illidan and then some how spin kicked the fire ball right back into Rhonin's face setting his beard on fire.

"AH!" Rhonin screamed quiet literally like a man with his head on fire. "Put it out!"

"Hold still hold still!" Thassarian said raising his rune blades.

Vareesa however whacked him with her bow.

"You aren't casting frost spells on my husbands head!" She snapped.

Before either of them could do anything however Hogger tackled both of them to the ground and brought up his axe to finish them!

Then once again Koltira hit him with a death grip and dragged him in with his rune blade ready.

Hogger however once again surprised them swinging his axe right into Koltira's chest. The axe failed to cut through the death knights armor but still knocked him to the ground.

"Its on now!" Illidan snarled charging the Gnoll.

Hogger however pulled out a detonator and hit its one red button.

C4 planted under the stairs showered Illidan in rubble halting his charge and forcing him to ward off the debrie.

"There's no stopping this gnoll!" Vereesa exclaimed.

"Stop drop roll! Stop drop roll!" Rhonin wailed trying to put out the flames on his beard.

Hogger charged Vereesa who yanked out and knife and managed to sink it into Hogger's shoulders before he tackled her right into the wall. He yanked the knife out and threw it at Thassarian who barely ducked it in time.

Vereesa then slammed her knee into Hogger's stomach and the gnoll howled in pain and rage and stumble back. In to close to draw her swords Vereesa punched the gnoll in the face striking Hogger in the eye. Hogger snarled and then sank his fangs into her arm. Vereesa swore violently and began repeatedly punching Hogger in the face before the Gnoll released his bite leaving bloody wounds on Vereesa's arm.

Now with some leverage Vereesa drew in her legs and mule kicked Hogger full in the chest sending him back. The gnoll was thrown half way across the room but he landed deftly on his feet and snatched up his fallen axe. Vereesa drew out her sword and rushed to face him head on.

Hogger met her charge and the steel of their weapons rang as it clashed. She swung at his head but Hogger easily ducked and struck at her legs. Vereesa back stepped and Hogger's blow missed. Then suddenly he brought his axe around and struck her behind the knee with the flat side of his weapon. With a cry Vereesa toppled to the floor and Hogger raised his axe for the kill!

Then suddenly a hand wrapped around the haft of his axe holding it in place.

"I'm sorry," Kael'thas said in a deadly smooth tone. "But we're not done."

Then he snapped the axe's head off and brought it down into Hogger's shoulder. Hogger howled in pain before Kael'thas kicked him in the face and then to cap it off raised his hands which ignited.

"This is for stealing my line," he said coldly before incinerating the gnoll.

Illidan pulled himself out of the rubble and sighed.

"Oh great," he muttered. "Crazy evil Kael'thas is out."

**RToM**

Lor'themar stumbled into another office room as the office four doors down exploded in flames.

"Come out come out where ever you are!" Dar'khan called. "I need to thank you for telling me every last little secret about Quel'thalas's defenses."

Lor'themar held back a curse as he yanked a crossbow bolt out of his arm and slumped to the floor.

"You wouldn't believe how pleased Arthas was when I told him every last one of the little secrets you told me," Dar'khan continued. "We simply couldn't have pulled it off with such speed and ease without your. It could have taken us ages to find all of the keys to the gates."

Lor'themar closed his eyes trying to block out Dar'khan's words but he couldn't. They cut straight to his guilt and ripped him apart like a ravening demon.

"But thanks to you we had the whole thing done in a few short days. Why given enough time those old fools in Silvermoon could have raised the Sunwell's barrier against us, or prepared more thoroughly for us." Dar'khan continued. "And of course you were well compensated for your help, first I manage to pull enough strings to get you into the Farstriders, then thanks to myself and Lord Arthas you became Regent Lord of a ruined city and a dying people."

He was trying to goad him out. Lor'themar's inner discipline fought against his rising fury for control of his body.

"And you know for all your talk of honor you really are quiet the gutless coward Lor," Dar'khan resumed. "At least that little banshee whore had the balls to try and face Lord Arthas. You put your tail between your legs and slunk away in disgrace as soon as the Sunwell fell. And I though you would have made such a wonderful Death Knight. But I guess you would have done better as a simple mindless ghoul."

Lor'themar shook with rage, his blood and soul screamed at him to rip Dar'khan's forked tongue out and then make him eat it. He wanted to fight, to kill, to make Dar'khan suffer for every last elven live lost because of his treason...

His treason...

Lor'themar put his face in his hands and realized there were tears running down his face from his good eye.

The bastard was right. It was his fault. He had allowed Silvermoon to fall, his foolish trust had gotten so many killed. Thalorien Dawnseeker... Anasterian Sunstrider... Sylvanas...

She suffered because of his foolishness.

"Hey," a gruff voice suddenly said quietly. "Get up Lor."

Lor'themar looked up to see to his shock Halduron Brightwing leaning over him.

"Hal?" He said confused. "How?"

"Somebody figured you could use some help." Halduron answered pulling him to his feet. "Can't have you lying down on the job."

As he stood up Lor'themar's arm shot with pain and he bit back a wince.

"We should get you fixed up," Halduron added taking note of his arm.

"Why bother?" Lor'themar asked. "The bastards right, I'm just one big screw up Azeroth could do with out."

Halduron then punched him in the face.

Lor'themar swore under his breath recovering from the blow.

"That knock the crap bull shit out of you?" Halduron snapped. "If anyone else had been in charge after the fall of Silvermoon the casualties could have been even worse. If he didn't dupe you into doing his dirty work it would have been someone a lot stupider. Now pull yourself together."

Lor'themar shook his head.

"If we weren't old friends I'd probably have struck you for what you just did." He stated.

Halduron grinned. "What would you do? Break your arm at me?"

"Funny," Lor'themar said dryly. "Now how exactly are we going to get me fixed up."

Halduron then led him quickly into another room inside of which there was a massive array of Memory cards.

"Behold," Halduron proclaimed. "The Cataclysm files."

"Okay," Lor'themar said grimly. "How does this help us?"

The Halduron pulled two cards off a shelf and held them up to the light.

**Updates: Lor'themar Theron**

**Updates: Halduron Brightwing**

"Your kidding me," Lor'themar said his face lighting up.

Halduron grinned.

"Welcome to the big leagues pal," he said offering the card to Lor'themar.

Meanwhile out in the hall Dar'khan finally found the blood trail Lor'themar had left in his wake. The living were so easy to track.

He leaped into the room a shadow bolt ready only to find a small puddle of blood against the wall.

"Come out my old friend," he called. "Come out and play!"

Then suddenly a light burst forth from a door across the room and Dar'khan sent his spell flying at it. Door exploded and Dar'khan cackled.

"I have you now!" He proclaimed triumphantly.

Then an arrow shot out of the room and struck him right in the chest for heavy damage. He stumbled back with a curse.

"You sure that isn't the other way around?" Lor'themar asked.

Dar'khan looked up and to his alarm saw the two blood elves emerge. No longer in their somewhat customized models Lor'themar was in solid crimson plate armor and hefting a Great sword of the Sin'dorei where as Halduron was wearing as of yet unknown blue Hunter armor and wielding Thori'Dal, the stars fury. Worse still both were skulled Level ? with over a million HP a piece.

"So Dar'khan," Lor'themar said testing his new weapons weight and his new voice. "What do you think of the upgrades?"

"You sound funny," Dar'khan replied.

The next thing he knew his head was sailing through the air before it landed perfectly on the flat of Lor'themar's great sword.

"Wrong answer," Lor'themar said shaking his head.

"I'm just glad the writer is spelling my name correctly for once," Halduron said with a shrug.

"Yeah I know," Lor'themar agreed. "What was up with that?"

"No idea," Halduron answered as Lor'themar tossed Dar'khan's head into the air and then cut in half. "Anyways whats new with you?"

"Oh you know," Lor'themar answered. "The usual crazy crap."

"I heard you scored Sylvanas again," Halduron continued.

"Oh yeah," Lor'themar said with a grin. "Even undead she can't keep her hands off me."

"Would that be considered necrophilia though?"

"Lets leave that to the courts."

"Yeah probably for the best."

* * *

**Ranger24: Yes I am a huge Lor'themar fan. I think I might be his only real fan but hey that makes me special. (If anyone makes a retardation joke I will slap them. I have aspergers douche bag.) Anyways the next chapter will be whenever so keep your eyes open. Read and review!  
**


	39. Chapter 39

**Ranger24: New chapter folks! Anyone want to help me set up a Tv Tropes entry on this fic?**

* * *

Chapter 37: Darkest before the dawn.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Varian's swords rang off of Deathwing's adamantite plates as he struck. He did not know how long this battle had been raging but he wasn't sure for how much longer they could keep it up. Mana was low, health was taking a beating, and they were almost out of snacks.

"Foolish King," Deathwing proclaimed. "You should have kept my dear daughter Onyxia as your ally! You might share in my glory!"

"You're going to take out Battlenet and the internet," Varian replied. "What glory would I get?"

Deathwing was silent for a moment before he then back hand Varian into Magni who had been quick downing a health potion.

"Watch it lad!" Magni said pushing Varian off him.

Meanwhile Jaina found herself completely surrounded by gnolls.

"Um... guys? Little help?" She called.

"Little busy here!" Tyrande said snapping off arrows into charging dragonkin.

"Hold on we're," Varian started only for Deathwing to head butt him into the far wall.

"A crips," Magni muttered as he tried to hold off Deathwing by himself.

The Gnolls charged Jaina and she gathered her magic preparing to make her last stand.

Then the head of the Gnoll directly in front of her exploded! Steel spikes ripped into the Gnolls on her front cutting them down with ease. Jim Raynor in his full black CMC 300 Power armor stepped forward and continued to mow down the Gnolls with ease.

"Need a little help miss?" He asked shooting the last gnoll in the gut.

"Kind of yes," Jaina admitted.

"Well I wouldn't be a gentlemen if I didn't provide some help to a lady in distress," Jim said reloading his Impaler.

"Dear god man," Varian said hurrying past them to rejoin the fight. "What is it with you and the knight in shining armor reutine?"

"Knight in shining..." Jaina started her lip trembling bringing Varian to a halt.

"Aw crap Jaina look I'm sorry I forgot about..."

"WHY!" Jaina shreiked brusting into tears. "WHY ARTHAS! Why did you have to turn evil?"

"Oh son of a..." Varian started before Raynor punched him in the face. Seeing as how Raynor was wearing power armor Varian ended up with a broken nose.

"Where do you get off man!" Raynor snapped before he wrapped an arm around a crying Jaina. "Seriously!"

"After she kicked his ass I thought she'd be over him!" Varian replied holding his bleeding nose.

"An ass kicking don't always heal a broken heart," Raynor replied.

"Hey!" Magni called. "You mind helping out here."

"Oh crap," Varian muttered hurrying back to help Magni.

"You fools have no hope!" Deathwing roared. "I am a million times more powerful than you all!"

Then a fire ball smashed against his face and Deathwing snarled shaking the flames from his face.

"Alright who has the balls?" He demanded.

Then Illidan and Kael'thas entered the chamber.

"How about we settle this raid boss to raid boss Deathwing?" Illidan suggested raising his warr glaives.

"Doll yourself up Deathwing," Kael'thas said darkly. "Cause we're about to take you to a ball room blitz."

"Bring it on you night elf rejects," Deathwing snarled.

"Well look who knows his lore," Illidan replied.

Then he and Kael'thas charged in! Kael'thas flashed stepped in above Deathwing and sent a torrent of flames down on the Aspect of earth. Deathwing beat his wings rapidly and Buffeted Kael'thas out of the air. Illidan however got right in close and slashed at Deathwing's face. The Demonic warglaive carved a nasty scratch into the Aspects armored skull plate and Deathwing roared. He snapped at Illidan but the demon hunter beat his wings and flew over the Aspect of earth! He spun over him and with a mighty slash cut off one of Deathwings horns. Deathwing roared in fury and swatted a claw at Illidan only for Kael'thas to slash a deep gash into his adamantite armor.

"HOLD STILL YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!" Deathwing snarled.

"Well they seem to have his attention," Rhonin said as he, Vereesa, Thassarian, and Koltira entered the chamber.

"The hell took you guys so long?" Varian demanded.

"Hogger," they all answered.

"Oh," Varian muttered.

"That little bastard dead?" Magni asked.

Rhonin shrugged.

"Probably."

"Enough banter," Koltira said. "We must prepare the weapon."

"Indeed," Thassarian agreed, pulling the weapon out of his pack. "Cover us, we shall not take long."

**RToM**

The Doomhammer fell again leaving Thrall panting heavily. He lifted it again and brought it crashing down into the skull plate of another dragonkin. How many he had slain he did not know or really care. All that mattered to him was fighting his way through to Deathwing and defeating the mad Aspect. Another group charged him waving their weapons in the air and screaming in harsh voices. Thrall bellowed his challange and meet their charge head on swinging the Doomhammer.

Suddenly several of his attackers collapsed dead from well placed sniper head shots. Thrall quickly dispatched his opponents and turned to face the direction the shots had come from.

"Who's there?" He demanded.

Then he heard a roar behind and he turned to see a massive Dragonkin towering above him with a massive warblade!

"Oh for the love of the Ancestors," Thrall growled raising the Doomhammer.

Then suddenly a massive blade forced its way through the Dragonkin's skull and then sliced its head in half. Thrall jumped back just in time to avoid being crushed by the falling corpse. Standing a top the dead Dragonkin was a now heavily armored Lor'themar Theron and behind him his Ranger General and friend Halduron Brightwing.

"Hello Warchief," Lor'themar greeted pulling his new sword out of the Dragonkin's skull. "I believe you've meet Halduron?"

"Warchief," Halduron greeted.

"Well meet," Thrall replied. "I am grateful to see that you still live Lor'themar. We feared the worst."

Lor'themar shrugged.

"I'm tough to kill Warchief."

"How came you by your new gear?" Thrall asked. "And whats with the new voice?"

"I got updated," Lor'themar replied.

"Me too," Halduron said brightly.

"So where is everyone else?" Lor'themar asked.

"Seperated by a collapsing room," Thrall replied. "I'm hoping to find an alterante route."

Halduron then nudged Lor'themar who squinted. Then he nodded.

"Someone's there," Lor'themar whispered to Thrall.

"I noticed," Thrall replied. "Whoever they are I think they're friendly, they helped me against these beasts."

"So whats the plan?" Halduron asked.

"Draw them out," Thrall answered.

Then he turned.

"Come out of the shadows," he barked. "If you fight against Deathwing then we are allies."

Nothing happened for a moment, then.

"You always were quick to trust Thrall."

Then a woman appeared as her stealth cloak disolved. She had blond hair done up in a pony tail and wore a ghost uniform.

"Nova," Thrall greeted. "Glad to see you are still alive."

Then suddenly Nova glomped him.

"Okay what the hell?" Lor'themar demanded.

"Yeah seriously," Halduron added. "Whats with Thrall and blond chicks?"

"Maybe blond's just are naturally attracted to Orcs with blue eyes," Lor'themar suggested.

"Actually he's been more like a surrogate father figure to me seeing as how my solo game has been in vaporware since Halo 2 came out," Nova replied. "Seeing as how Thrall's original debut game 'Lord of the Clans' was canceled and reworked into a novel he really knew what I was going through at the time."

"Oh," the two Blood Elves said.

"As glad as I am to see you Nova," Thrall said prying Nova's arms off his neck. "We don't have time for proper greetings. We need to get down to the server chamber and stop Deathwing."

"Oh right," Nova said peeling herself off Thrall. "Sorry."

"Can you show us the way down?" Lor'themar asked.

Nova nodded.

"Follow me, and keep quite."

"Simple enough," Lor'themar said.

"Prepare to be surprised," Nova muttered.

**RToM**

"It's been like five minutes, how freaking hard is it to unwrap a pole arm!" Vereesa demanded as she snapped off arrow after arrow into the charging Gnolls.

Vereesa and Rhonin were covering the two Death Knights while everyone else battle Deathwing. Illidan and Kael'thas were taking point in the attack using their greater resistances and Health to keep Deathwing at bay. The rest of the party gathered behind their screen; healing them or damaging Deathwing. The attack so far fruitless however for Deathwing was well buffed and had strong resistance to fire and earth spells and decent protection from Arcane attacks.

"Blizzard likes to make things a challange okay," Koltira replied as he continued removing wrappings.

"In general they're assholes but we love them," Thassarian added.

"Well this seems to be going just lovely," Sylvanas said as she, Vol'jin, and Cairne arrived.

"Dis party just be getting started lady," Vol'jin said pulling out his blade.

"The Earthmother screams in protest to Deathwings..."

"Yes yes Earthmother this and Earthmother that, snappy line here snappy line there, just go already!" Vereesa snapped.

Vol'jin and Cairne shared a glance.

"Definatly Sylvanas's sister," Vol'jin muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean!" Both Windrunner sisters demanded.

* * *

**Ranger24: This is it folks. Only one chapter remains, one final struggle, one last battle of awesome and win, one more chapter of lols! Well that and an epilogue. Read and review folks! This suckers almost finished. **


	40. Chapter 40

**Ranger24: Ah sweet Suzamiya this took a while and I'm not sure if people will be happy with the results. Anyways this is the last real chapter folks. Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 38: The End of all things.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The server Chamber had become a representation of hell on Earth in only a matter of hours. Corpses littered the cratered floor, wrecked vehicles lay in ruin and flames, and structures had collapsed under the stress of the assault. But still the battle raged on as the Leaders of Azeroth and Jim Raynor battled Deathwing.

Fire balls and projectiles filled the air! Deathwing's roars of fury shook the earth.

"This battles actually not all that exciting," Kael'thas pointed out.

"Kael'thas," Illidan said ducking a stream of magma. "Who the devil are you talking to?"

"The Writer," Kael'thas replied.

_Wait what?_

"Who?"

"You know," Kael'thas said jumping out of the way of a swipe of Deathwing's claws. "The Nineteen year old College student whose been writing this thing since his senior year in highschool."

_Since when have you been fourth wall aware?_

"Since forever," Kael'thas replied.

"Kael'thas stop talking crazy and fight!" Illidan snapped.

"Fine," Kael'thas muttered.

At that exact moment Varian landed a hard strike into Deathwing's shoulder. The fallen Aspect of Earth howled in pain and recoiled from the blow.

"You're finished Deathwing!" Varian proclaimed.

"And we didn't even need the super weapon," Rhohin noted.

"Hey we're working on it!" Koltira snapped as he and Thassarian still unwrapped the weapon.

"You fools think me beaten?" Deathwing snarled. "I have only just begun!"

"Oh get over yourself already," Sylvanas snapped. "We've already beaten your henchmen and your down for the count."

"Thats what you think!" Deathwing proclaimed. "I came..."

"Don't you dare use my word," Illidan warned.

"Prepared."

"Bastard."

"You see I came here with a full five man Big Bad Band!" Deathwing proclaimed.

"Now he's refrencing Tvtropes," Kael'thas stated.

"Kael'thas shut up," Illidan snapped.

"My Dragon, ironic in hindsight, Hogger!"

"He's dead," Vereesa stated.

"What?"

"We killed him," Vereesa clarified.

"Seriously?" Deathwing groaned. "You guys suck."

"Blow it out ya ass mon," Vol'jin replied.

"Well then there my evil Genius Dar'Khan Darthir!" Deathwing proclaimed.

"Who?" Cairne asked.

Nothing happened. Deathwin sighed.

"Seriously that was supposed to be your que," he growled.

"I think he's dead," Sylvanas suggested.

"Seriously who are we talking about?" Cairne asked.

Sylvanas sighed. "For the love of all that's sacred Cairne read the Sunwell Trilogy."

"Eh I got time," Cairne said with a shrug.

**(DOOMED) **

"What was that?" Kael'thas asked.

"What was what?" Illidan demanded.

"Nevermind."

"Well I also have my Brute," Deathwing replied. "Step forward!"

Then from the shadows emerged...

"OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Sylvanas screamed.

"Put a smile on bitches!" Ronald McDonald, who was covered in cybernetics proclaimed.

"Seriously?" Jaina demanded. "You brought the crazy clown back to life?"

"You want to know how I got these scars?" Ronald asked.

"Lor'themar ran ya ova'," Vol'jin answered.

Ronald flipped him the bird.

"And for my dark Chick I have!" Deathwing proclaimed.

He was silent for a moment.

"Well?" Jaina asked.

"For the love of god can somebody come when I signal them?" Deathwing demanded.

"Sorry boss!" A female voice said.

A young red haired elven girl hurried in with a staff.

"Who the hell is she?" Magni asked.

"Meet Mineya," Deathwing explained. "She's an intern and a spirit healer."

"Wait from Dragon Age?" Tyrande asked.

"Yeah, straight from Thedas," Mineya replied.

"What makes you so evil?" Varian asked.

"I made Anora queen, spared Loghain, and then sacrificed him to kill the Archdemon."

"So?"

"And I had Nathaniel hanged," she admitted.

"YOU BITCH!" Tyrande, Jaina, Vereesa, Kael'thas, and Sylvanas all proclaimed in out rage.

"Seriously?" Magni deadpanned. "She killed the pretty boy archer from Awakening and now you get upset?"

"Why are you upset by that Kael'thas?" Illidan asked.

"I liked him."

"Now!" Deathwing proclaimed. "Prepare to die!"

"Is that my que to start healing?" Mineya asked.

"Yes," Deathwing said with a role of his eyes.

"Okay."

**RToM**

"Okay new one," Halduron said. "Would you rather walk through a tunnel filled the Forsaken blight in your underwear or fight a Fel Reaver with rez sickness."

"Definatly the Fel Reaver," Lor'themar replied. "I'd just suck that thing dry."

"Didn't I say to keep it quiet?" Nova growled.

"Yeah but after endless corridors of no enemies to speak of either they know we're coming and are staging an ambush," Halduron explained.

"Or they're all dead," Lor'themar concluded.

Nova shook her head in annoyance.

"Ho much further do we have to go?" Thrall asked.

"Not much," Nova replied. "We're almost to the emergency elevator."

"Why didn't we think of looking for one of those?" Lor'themar asked.

"No idea," Thrall muttered.

"Please stop talking," Nova groaned. "I can literally feel my brain cells dying."

"Welcome to the past few weeks of my life," Thrall replied.

"Feels more like its been a couple years," Lor'themar commented.

"I thought I said to stop talking," Nova snapped.

"Yes well we choose to ignore that," Halduron replied.

"Sweet Jesus someone kill me already!" Nova shrieked.

As if on que an ultralisk smashed its way through a wall and crushed Nova under its feet.

"Oh shit!" Lor'themar cried out.

"Stand your ground!" Thrall barked.

"Are you nuts?" Halduron exclaimed. "Thats the worst thing to do against an ultralisk!"

"Than what do you suggest?" Thrall demanded.

"Break the floor!" Halduron answered.

"What?"

"Just do it!"

**RToM**

Sylvanas ducked yet another Strike from Ronald Mcterminator narrowly avoiding his arm mounted chainsaws removing her head. She slashed back with her sword but he parried with the bayonet of AK-47 that was his other arm.

"Little fight in you," he said. "I like that."

"Stop quoting the Dark Knight!" Sylvanas snarled stabbing at his face only to have her strike blocked yet again.

"See its all part of the plan," Ronald said with an evil wink before stabbing at her with the chainsaw and then blasting her with AK. Sylvanas dodged both attacks and then slammed her foot into the Cyborg clowns groin only to howl in pain as she stubbed her toes.

"See, i knew you'd try that," he said. "Thats why I had my genitals replace with a plate of solid steel."

Sylvanas cursed, recovering herself.

"This time I'll kill you properly," she growled.

"Keep telling youself that lady," Ronald replied. "I'm more indestructable than Team Rocket."

At that moment there was crash above them and they paused to look up. A massive chunk of the ceiling was falling towards them crushing the few remaining Twilight and Black Drakes that still flew.

"Oh well this just isn't fair," Ronald muttered the moment before it crushed him and a blast of air from the impact flung Sylvanas back a few yards.

The Banshee Queen landed in a crumpled heap atop a pile of gnoll entrails.

"Can I get a break today?" She muttered.

"Miss me sweet heart?"

She pulled her hood clear of her eyes and saw Lor'themar, Thrall, and oddly enough Halduron Brightwing standing atop the chunk of granite that had crushed Ronald McTerminator.

She scrambled to her feet running towards them. Lor'themar threw open his arms.

Then Sylvanas jumped into the air and drop kicked him in the face, sending the surprise Regent Lord flying.

"That was for calling me Sweet Heart!" She snapped.

"Hey Sylvanas," Halduron greeted.

"Oh hi," she said after a moment. "What's with the new outfits on you and Lor'themar and his new voice?"

"Cataclysm updates," Halduron replied. "What do you think?"

"Not bad," she admitted. "I guess this mean you've got some big role coming up?"

"I know!" He said excitedly. "This is going to be awesome."

**(SCREWED OVER!)**

"Oh so cold," Kael'thas muttered.

"KAEL! BATTLE! FOCUS!" Illidan snapped as he, Magni, Varian, and Cairne battled Deathwing toe to toe while Jaina, Tyrande, Rhonin, Vereesa, Raynor, and Vol'jin hammered him from range.

"We must aid or comerades," Thrall growled raising the Doom Hammer.

"About bleeding time," Halduron muttered drawing his bow.

"Lok'tar!" Thrall proclaimed and they charged into the battle. Deathwing roared with fury slashing with his claws, snapping at them with his jaws, and sending blasts of molten magma at them.

"Hey Thrall long time no see," Raynor commented.

"It's good to see you Jim," Thrall replied. "How's rebelling against Mengsk going?"

"How does one million copies sold on day one sound?" Raynor asked with a grin.

"Damn fine," Thrall answered.

"Totally."

"Drinks after we defeat Deathwing?"

"You're buying."

"Fine with me."

Meanwhile Lor'themar stumbled to his feet rubbing the twin boot prints Sylvanas had left on his face.

"Well thats one way to greet someone," he muttered.

"Do you mind?" Thassarian said, "You're standing in our light."

He and Koltira were still unwrapping the supper weapon.

"Have you guys considered using a knife to speed it up?" He suggested.

The two Death Knights stopped, glanced at each other, and then punched one another in the face.

"Why in all the hells didn't we think of that?" Koltira muttered.

Koltira drew a knife and slashed open the tarp that covered the weapon revealing its glory at last.

Lor'themar gasped.

"Is that?"

"Yes," Thassarian said grimly. "The most powerful weapon in all of Warcraft."

"The Pole Arm of Leeroy Jenkins," Koltira said bowing his head in reverance to the weapon. "9300-14,780 damage, Mana drain of 5,000 points per hit, 4.7 swings per second, 7,000 Strength 3,000 Stamina 5000 Agility, 4000 plus to Critical Strike. It is so broken it will never be implamented."

"Then we must use it," Lor'themar said.

Meanwhile Deathwing howled as Thrall blasted him in the face with a chain lightning while Varian got a crit off on his face.

"Heal now!" Deathwing roared.

"Okay Mr. Deathwing sir," Mineya said casting another Group Heal.

Deathwing swatted Varian back absorbing the healing energies.

"Excellent," he hissed. "Now do what you can for Ronald."

"He's kinda crushed under a giant rock," Mineya admitted.

"Do I care?"

Mineya Cast a revive and Ronald stuck his head out from under the rock.

"I live!" He proclaimed. "I shall-"

Sylvanas cut him off by cutting off his head.

"STAY DEAD!" She shrieked.

"Well that was a waste," Mineya muttered.

"Low mana!" Jaina called.

"Need heals," Illidan added.

"Pulling to much aggro!" Kael'thas screamed running from a horde of Gnolls.

Raynor hossed several of the Gnolls with Spikes and ejected his spent magazine.

"Low ammo!" He called.

"Here!" Vereesa called tossing him a Warlord's Street Sweeper. Raynor caught it, pumped the action and blasted a gnolls down.

"Thank you limitless magazines," he said with a grin.

Cairne charged in with his spear and jabbed it into Deathwing's neck only for the tip to melt away. Deathwing smashed him down for his offense.

"Cairne be down mon!" Vol'jin called.

Then Cairne's reincarnate kicked in.

"No wait he's-"

Then Deathwing downed him again.

"Shit never mind mon," Vol'jin muttered.

"We need to get rid of that healer," Thrall growled.

"But Deathwing is drawing the highest threat and we're all bosses," Varian replied. "We can't target the Healer."

"Damn our coding!" Thrall snraled.

"We need something that breaks any and all sense or logic," Magni observed.

"Yeah but what?" Rhohin asked.

"LEEEERROOY! JENKINS!" Lor'Themar roared charging Mineya with the Pole Arm of Leeroy Jenkins. Mineya got so off guard by the sudden attack could do nothing as Lor'themar plunged the blade into her chest!

"Wow," Thrall muttered, "never thought I'd be saved by an internet meme."

"What about Chuck Norris?" Magni asked.

"I chalk that up to divine intervention," Thrall answered.

"A wise descion," Rhohin observed with a nod.

"Right that just leaves Deathwing," Varian growled. "Commence tank and -"

"LEEROY JENKINS!" Lor'Themar screamed slashing at Deathwing from behind dealing massive damage.

"AH WHAT THE HELL!" Deathwing screamed. "That thing gets a backstab bonus?"

"Wow that is broken," Halduron muttered.

"Enough chatter," Varian proclaimed. "Everyone! Hit him with the best spell or ability you can cast now!"

Jaina and Rhohin cast Pyroblast, Magni hurled a Stormbolt, Tyrande launched Stardust, Vereesa fired off an Arcane Shot, Sylvanas launched a Black Arrow, Vol'jin used Cobra Shot, Thrall loosed Earthquake, and Varian used Heroic Leap. An massive barrage of high powered attacks hammered Deathwing leaving the Dragon howling in agony as his health dropped down faster than an all priest raid group taking on the Blood Princes.

"THIS IS SUCH BULL!" Deathwing roared angrily.

"Quick someone finish him!" Jaina called.

"I've got him!" Illidan proclaimed surging forward.

"OH RICH!" Deathwing screamed at the Demon Hunter. "What are you going to do? Tell me how I'm not prepared?"

"Nope," Illidan replied stopping just before Deathwing and snapping his fingers.

Hundreds of laser dots converged on Deathwing.

Nuclear Launch Detected.

Deathwing's bulged. His mouth fell open in disbelief and shock. Then he burst into tears.

"It's not fair," he cried. "It's not fair!"

"Tell it to the Forums," Illidan replied.

Then hundreds of Nukes slammed into Deathwing one after another in flares of fire an death. The Dragon aspect howled in agony and fury as flames of nuclear fire consumed him. The blinding flash of hundreds of bombs going off filled the chamber with a unbearable light.

Then at last the fire receeded leaving Deathwings shattered carcass behind still smoking with destruction. Illidan sheathed his blades.

"GG man," he said pulling out a pair of Sunglasses and putting them over his blindfold. "GG."

"YEAH!" Kael'thas shouted.


	41. Chapter 41

**Ranger24: This is it beautiful friends. Its been... interesting to say the least.**

* * *

Epilogue: Never again.

Disclaimer I own nothing.

The fighting was over, the carnage was done. The sounds of heavy vehicles clearing the wreckage and the bodies filled the chamber. The leaders of Azeroth stood by the grand server in the center of the chamber with Raynor whilst a Blizzard Rep spoke with them.

"So yes we can get you all back home to Azeroth," the Rep finished having answered a lot of questions that don't need to be elaborated on.

"Question," Kael'thas asked.

"Yes?"

"Is this going to hurt?"

"Only a little," he replied. "Besides you're retired."

"Speaking of which where's my check from my work for Wrath?" Illidan asked.

"Its in the mail," the Rep replied.

The Rep snapped his fingers and a moment later three portals appeared, one to Stormwind, one to Orgrimmar, and the last to Dalaran.

"Wouldn't it have been simpler to just portal us all back to Dalaran?" Jaina asked.

"Well miss snippy guess who goes crazy in two Expansions," the Rep muttered.

"Excuse me?"

Meanwhile Raynor and Thrall exchanged a bro hug.

"Take care pledge brother," Thrall said.

"Don't worry about me partner," Raynor replied. "I reckon there's plenty of fight left in the both of us."

"Let's hope so," Thrall said before they pulled away.

Thrall then turned to face Varian and the Alliance faction leaders with the Horde faction leaders.

"We'll go on ahead," Rhonin said quickly.

"Sylvanas remember, we've got a family diner next Tuesday," Vereesa warned.

"I'll make it," Sylvanas reassured her.

Then to everyone's heart warming delight the two Windrunner Sisters exchanged a hug.

"Aw." Lor'Themar said with a smile.

"Zip it demon sucker," Vereesa growled before she, Rhonin, Koltira, and Thassarian retreated through the portal to Dalaran.

"Well that was just rude," Lor'Themar muttered.

"Eh she's a Windrunner," Halduron said with a shrug.

"So," Thrall started turning everyone's attention back to the two heads of the Horde and the Alliance. "I know there's still probably bad blood between us..."

"Plenty," Varian agreed.

"But for what its worth Varian," Thrall continued. "I hope that we can move forward from this adventure to a more positive relationship between the Horde and the Alliance."

"Don't count on it," Varian replied. "Our peoples seem fated to clash repeatedly until the end of time itself."

"Varian," Jaina said with a scowl.

"But," Varian said raising a hand. "Although I will never call you a friend..."

Thrall is now Neutral with Stormwind!

Thrall is now Neutral with Darnassus!

Thrall is now Neutral with Ironforge!

Thrall is now Neutral with Gnomeregan!

Thrall is now Neutral with Exodar!

"You're welcome to come by and have a beer some time." He finished.

"What about us mon?" Vol'jin asked.

"Don't push it," Varian growled.

"Well see you all in Cataclysm," Magni said before heading to the Alliance portal.

"You as well," Cairne said heading for Horde Portal.

DOUBLE DOOMED!

"Okay seriously, what the hell?" Kael'thas demanded as the two of them ported.

"Shut up Kael'thas," Illidan snapped.

Jaina and Tyrande went next followed by Vol'jin and Velen.

"So Sylvanas when we get back to Orgrimmar you want to have diner or something?" Lor'Themar asked as he, Sylvanas, and Halduron approached the Horde portal.

"Yeah about that Lor," she said. "We need to talk..."

"What?"

Now it was just Thrall and Varian left.

"It's been..." Thrall started searching for a word.

"Weird?" Varian suggested.

"Yeah," Thrall agreed before they both ported.

Illidan sighed.

"What do we do now Illidan?" Kael'thas asked.

Illidan shrugged. "I figured we'd take over a third world country, brutally oppress the people and sell their valuable oil to China so no one can touch us."

"Isn't that wrong?" Kael'thas asked.

"Yeah," Illidan agreed. "Lets go see if Games Workshop is hiring."

"Hooray!"

"Yes," Illidan said rubbing his hands together evilly. "They will not be prepared!"

_**Storm, earth, and fire**_

_**Heed my call!**_

**Road trip of Madness**

**Credits:**

_**I am the son of the wind and rain**_

_**Thunder beckons and I heed the call**_

_**And if die upon this day**_

_**In battle I will fall**_

_**Hear me brothers, gather up the wolves**_

_**To battle we will ride**_

_**War drums echo the beating heart**_

_**Pounding from inside**_

**Written, edited, and posted by Ranger24**

_**STORM!**_

_**Black clouds fill the sky**_

_**EARTH!**_

_**Hear my battle cry**_

_**FIRE!**_

_**Thunder will bring forth...**_

_**DEATH!**_

_**From the power of the Horde**_

**Posted on Fanfiction dot net.**

_**Far seer to the Warsong clan**_

_**To no man will I yield**_

_**Feel the power and the energy**_

_**For the black god, honor, and steel**_

_**I feel the fire burning in my veins**_

_**Lightning strikes at my command**_

_**With storm and earth, axe and fire**_

_**We've come to claim this land**_

**Warcraft, Starcraft, and World of Warcraft are all propeties of Blizzard Entertainment. All other mentioned products, media, and characters belong to their respective owners and creators.**

_**STORM!**_

_**Black clouds fill the sky**_

_**EARTH!**_

_**Hear my battle cry**_

_**FIRE!**_

_**Thunder will bring forth...**_

_**DEATH!**_

_**From the power of the Horde**_

**Special thanks to my Friends who helped me develop ideas for this story.**

_**Surrounded by the enemy**_

_**The wolf among the hounds**_

_**Thunder turns to silence, it took...**_

_**A hundred to bring me down**_

_**War-brothers falling at my side**_

_**With honor I will die**_

_**Upon the altar of the storms**_

_**I will be reborn**_

**Also thank you to everyone who reviewed this story. You all made this possible.**

_**STORM!**_

_**Black clouds fill the sky**_

_**EARTH!**_

_**Hear my battle cry**_

_**FIRE!**_

_**Thunder will bring forth...**_

_**DEATH!**_

_**For I have been reborn!**_

**Credits to my Horde Brothers and Sisters. We only have one more expansion with Garrosh folks!**

_**STORM!**_

_**EARTH!**_

_**FIRE!**_

_**DEATH!**_

**Also thank you to all Alliance players who tolerated this extremely pro Horde Fanfic... Except the Gnomes.**

_**The power of the Horde!**_

(Just kidding gnomes. You're fun to punt but Warcraft wouldn't be Warcraft without you guys.)

**THE END**

* * *

**Ranger24: And that's it folks. I hope you have enjoyed this Fan Fiction I started way back in High school. It never got a TvTropes page but I'm willing to live with that. Until next time.**


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